bulletnurse

Hello again, I had been feeling so doubtful of myself and that maybe I was losing my mind a little bit. My ex is so convincing and manipulates people's minds so easily and he can lie so well, to everyone, especially our kids. My 13 yr old daughter is so confused. He's dabbling with meth and growing and selling marijuana from the house, my kids and i moved out a month ago. So,,,,, I told our old landlord what he was doing and yesterday, the landlord went over to get the rent and saw for himself what was going on, the kind of people that are living there now, etc. He said a girl answered the door and she had injection marks on her arms.....and he could tell what was going on. My ex was nowhere to be found all day and he never got the rent. It was so nice to hear somebody actually see for themself and VALIDATE what is going on over there. I felt like, " WOW!! SOMEONE BELIEVES ME!!!" So, maybe I'm not crazy. I showed my daughter the " 20 questions to ask yourself if you need Nar-anon" She said most of her answers were "yes". I plan on showing her some of these posts. Her father and now her Aunt are so confusing her mind. If she were younger I wouldn't let her talk to them....but she's 13 and thinks she knows better. How do I help her see the light without pushing her towards him? I'm so scared, but at least I don't feel so crazy.... thanks!!

mooselips

It would be a good thing for her to attend Alateen, where others, her age
share their experiences and give her support.

It might be different for her to hear it from her peers, than from her mom, if you know what I mean...

mooselips

P.S. Sweetie, WE all know you're not crazy...

rahsue

ya know, I'm beginnig to think being crazy actually means we are the sane ones!!!!!!

Ann

We are crazy to question what we know to be true, from facts or from our instinct. Aside from that, we're not crazy, we're codependent but getting better every day.

Isn't it amazing what a little validation can do?

Hugs

justjo

It is good that you have removed yourself and kids from that environment. Your daughter is 13 and she will figure it out for herself. She obviously is aware of the past/present probs and has a mind of her own. I would definately not encourage her to visit him but talking on the phone I think is ok. She'll know as time goes on what she wants to really hear or not hear or see etc. She's probably just going through the detachment of home right now. Good Luck!

hope213

no advise just hugs,

p.s. you are not crazy.very smart to get out of there.

FEP

I can relate only too well.
I'm going through something simular, though my ex gets Pain narcotics from the doctor for back pain, the rest she gets off the street. When we were still married my ex could no longer hold down a job I was the only source of money. She had isolated me by complaining to everyone that I would not accept her as she was, then when I Asked her family and her doctor for help I only got ridiculed and they seen me as her problem. My daughter is 16 and as of 3 weeks ago believed that her mother was just depressed and was ok since the doctor reduced her prescription. Now my daughter won’t even visit her mother because of her mother's behavior and the conditions she lives in. I've always been honest with my daughter about her mother and she thought that I fabricated it all up, I made sure I would mention that, before the drugs, her mother was one of the kindest and nicest people she would ever know.
Your job now is to be both Mother and Father and when your daughter realizes for herself, she will need all the support you can give.

sobercuse

Loving and Living with an addict will drive anyone crazy.
It rocks our emotional stability when the ones that we love are lieing, stealing and manipulating us and are calling us names.

We need recovery too. We need help too.

Glad to hear that you and you're daughter are seeking the wisdom and the courage to learn the truth.
I hope that your daughter doesn't start getting high, just because Dad does. And to be "cool."......it's not cool.

One day at a time, everything will be alright.

bulletnurse

Hello,
I really appreciated your posts. My daughter and I are so at odds over this sometimes. Her dad now has the mother of his other son living there, ( A Heroin addict) and my daughter is freaking out. She wrote to her dad but he hasn't responded. He only blames me for tearing the family apart by leaving anyways. She called her Aunt, his sister for support and she also told my daughter that " your mother is the most vindictive bitch ever." My daughter says that she knows the truth, but it hurts me so bad when she gives me her attitude and says," you're all driving me crazy." " you're annoying me" I know that part of it is because she doesnt' really trust me for taking him back in the first place after she told me over and over that she didn't want us to get back together. I feel like a terrible mother sometimes. Thanks again,

dustie

I have been dealing with my ex for years. My children are now adults and only 1 of the 3 is still manipulated by him. I was still being manipulated by him until I found this site about 3wks ago and refuse to enable him anymore. My daughter however still gets sucked. She is 26yrs old now and has been holding on to him and his broken promises since she was 7.
You are not crazy!!!!! We are here for you. This is the place I get my strength

dustie