stephensmom

I think I need a reality check. my son called me yesterday to apologize for his crazy behavior on saturday night.

As some of you may know he went crazy at his apt and busted some windows out of the apt and threw some things around. The police were call etc.

Anyway, his gf called and said that they are giving them until the end of the month to get out of the apt. She said her mom won't take him and he has no where to go. My brother won't take him either. Why do I always feel responsible for him? Why am I now feeling like I have to take care of this problem for him? I don't want him at my house under the circumstances. I just don't want to risk anything happening. I live w/ my husband and step son who is 15 years old. God forbid he slipped him any drugs or anything. I just don't need the craziness.

I just wish he would straighten up his life. I really can't take much more. One minute I am ok and the next thing I am having doubts and unsure.

I just don't know how much more I can take. I am sorry for rambling. I am just so depressed today.

Lobo

((((Stephensmom))))
I know how hard it is to feel confused about what to do and what not to do. I feel the same way a lot of the time. You are right to have doubts because of what just recently took place. I read your former thread about the chaos at his apt. I really don't think he would fit in at your home right now. He has too many issues that he has to deal with. First of all I would be afraid of him because of his outbursts of anger. You need to protect yourself and the rest of your family that deserves to live a peaceful life. He is not going to change overnight no matter how sorry he says he is. I think the only way you can help him is to help him find resources of places to get help and places to stay. I know it is hard to get in places right away but I have heard others on here talk about Salvation Army for immediate help.
I think you should definetly think twice before letting him come home.

Hugs and blessings.............Lo

stephensmom

He has 3 weeks until he is put out. I am always willing to help him get the help he needs. He says that he wants to do outpatient. I just think that he needs to go somewhere in patient if he is really serious. Right now he does not have a whole lot to lose in his life. He doesn't know that he is being put out of his apt yet. Maybe he will change his mind. I am not trying to force him but I don't want to bring chaos into my home. It will just open up a whole new set of problems to deal with.

Well I am going to leave it up to him. He put himself in his current situation. I get mad at myself for having to feel responsible and feel that I have to clean up his mess. I know that the only thing that will work for him is for him to figure out what he going to to do. If he didn't use drugs and get drunk he wouldn't be in the situation he is in right now and me taking him in is not helping him.

I just haven't to be strong and set my boundaries with him.

I really need to attend a meeting. I think I am going to see if I can get to one tonight.

Spiritual Seeker

don't do for him what he ought to do for himself. You have the right to a sane home. For me that is the bottom line. If he has no where to go maybe then he will look at the wreckage of his life, if you rescue him, he will not. I will always brainstorm with my 23 yr old addict son and help him get into treatment if he asks, but I will not rescue him. Get some Al-anon literature and read about detaching with love. My heart goes out to you, I know your struggle.

BrokenBridges24

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short


------ author unknown

Stephensmom... Let go. You are right he made his own mistakes...he must figure out how to change them. When you let go of feeling like you must react and care take him..you will feel less out of control. We can not control and care take. We want to.. but that just makes it worse. I know easier said then done.

Whatever you decide I am behind you because I know how hard it all is. Take care of you. (((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

-Broken

stephensmom

My son was doing well for about 3 years. He held a job for about 2 1/2 years. He has two small children with his gf. Things began to fall apart about 3 months ago. He no longer has his job because he wasn't showing up for work.

He is being kicked out because he went crazy the other night because his gf was leaving him and he got drunk and I almost certain he was under the influence of some sort of pills. He kicked out the windows in his apt and broke the closet doors and threw stuff around.

I agree that he does have to look at the wreck he has made of his life.

I haven't dealt with this for a while and I guess I was hoping that what we went through when he was younger was some kind of stage. He seemed to be on the right track. I guess I hoped that having children would have made him grow up.

The only help I am going to offer him is to get treatment if he wants it otherwise I can't help him.

Wascally Wabbit

Here's what I did.
I told him he couldn't stay with me any more and I would take him any where he wanted to go.
We got in the car and I dropped him off. Of course, being the addict, he's resourceful enough to find somewhere to stay.
Im free of the dependence and stress.

Kimm992

I know it's a really hard situation to be in. Just remember that you have a young child in the home that needs your protection.

Hugs to you!!!

stephensmom

Letting go is exactly what I need to do. Thank you all for your kind and helpful responses. I really love the support that I get on this board.

sobercuse

((((Stephensmom)))))

I'm sorry for the heartache of all of this. We are so powerless over the alcoholic/addict.

Here's my advice to you, from one Mom to another......

Carry the Message, not the Mess. Let Stephen carry his own mess. Remember, Stephen has his own higher power and it's not you.

I like the share that suggested that you offer him a ride to where ever he may need to go. Remember this, our serenity is important to us.

Your post reminds me of some of the crazy things I did after I let my son come home.
It got worse and worse.......

Be strong Mom, you've got self respect.