Jealous, confused, lost, concerned.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Sending more mom hugs and a candle for light your way.
One thing that has helped me is to remember that our addicts and ourselves go through this thing called recovery at our own pace. When I first began recovery, I wanted all the knowledge, understanding, hop and faith that I read others had.
I could not get that over night; it comes with time and work and letting go.
Just like none of our addicts go through their recovery at the same pace, we don't either. My HP has put me in just the right place today to learn what I need to know to make it through today. I am just where I need to be and so is my addict daughter. I have to believe that He is working on me and my daughter when I don't even realize it.
I am happy where I am today. I will worry about tomorrow when it comes.
Sending much love and hope for all of us.
Terri
One thing that has helped me is to remember that our addicts and ourselves go through this thing called recovery at our own pace. When I first began recovery, I wanted all the knowledge, understanding, hop and faith that I read others had.
I could not get that over night; it comes with time and work and letting go.
Just like none of our addicts go through their recovery at the same pace, we don't either. My HP has put me in just the right place today to learn what I need to know to make it through today. I am just where I need to be and so is my addict daughter. I have to believe that He is working on me and my daughter when I don't even realize it.
I am happy where I am today. I will worry about tomorrow when it comes.
Sending much love and hope for all of us.
Terri
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((((Trisha))))))))))))
I'm sorry for your pain.
Praying for your daughter. That she finds her way soon.
When life seems dark and dreary and no hope can be seen, the power of friendship is there to help us remain strong against adversity.
Your friends here are here for you with support, prayers, and love.
I'm sorry for your pain.
Praying for your daughter. That she finds her way soon.
When life seems dark and dreary and no hope can be seen, the power of friendship is there to help us remain strong against adversity.
Your friends here are here for you with support, prayers, and love.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Oh Trisha... your post sounds so much like me in the beginning.
My first meeting? I thought -
1. All these women are former cheerleaders from high school (you know the type)
2. None of them are moms
3. All of their "qualifiers" are sober
grin.
Talk about judgments! As far as I've learned in over 3 years there, none of my home group ladies were cheerleaders... most are dealing with active alcoholism... and serveral of them are moms!
I just could NOT imagine I would ever smile, laugh and joke like they did. I could not imagine "accepting" the addiction in my children. I could barely get through the day!
Today... one day at a time... I am better.
I attended more and more meetings, in the beginning. And I tried other meetings at different locations and different times until I found a meeting that fit me best. I found a sponsor and she has guided me through working the steps and learning about the traditions.... a process that I've been working on for 3 years, and STILL feel like I've barely begun!
My best friends... 20 or more... are my Alanon buds. These women (and a couple of men) are kind, caring, loving, giving, compassionate and .... joyous! They have their problems and days when they come to meetings in need... other days when they come to the meetings and give back. And more days that they just .... are.
Of all the things I've done in my life... finding this group of people has been the best.
Despite what I believed when I first walked through those doors.
I hope you keep coming in and posting. There is a lot to learn and know about addiction... but you don't have to do it all at once. You will pick up what you need.... exactly when you need it.
((((BigHugs))))
My first meeting? I thought -
1. All these women are former cheerleaders from high school (you know the type)
2. None of them are moms
3. All of their "qualifiers" are sober
grin.
Talk about judgments! As far as I've learned in over 3 years there, none of my home group ladies were cheerleaders... most are dealing with active alcoholism... and serveral of them are moms!
I just could NOT imagine I would ever smile, laugh and joke like they did. I could not imagine "accepting" the addiction in my children. I could barely get through the day!
Today... one day at a time... I am better.
I attended more and more meetings, in the beginning. And I tried other meetings at different locations and different times until I found a meeting that fit me best. I found a sponsor and she has guided me through working the steps and learning about the traditions.... a process that I've been working on for 3 years, and STILL feel like I've barely begun!
My best friends... 20 or more... are my Alanon buds. These women (and a couple of men) are kind, caring, loving, giving, compassionate and .... joyous! They have their problems and days when they come to meetings in need... other days when they come to the meetings and give back. And more days that they just .... are.
Of all the things I've done in my life... finding this group of people has been the best.
Despite what I believed when I first walked through those doors.
I hope you keep coming in and posting. There is a lot to learn and know about addiction... but you don't have to do it all at once. You will pick up what you need.... exactly when you need it.
((((BigHugs))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
(((((((((TRISHA))))))))))))
I am right there with you. Go back one year ago and this is me… We have custody of our grandchild. Over my dead body will allow this child to fall ever again. No matter what family has to say know one thing you are doing the right thing. The only thing anyone should tell you is.. they are proud of you. One for stepping up to the plate. Because if you are like us you had like 2 seconds to decide what do to and you did not hesitate… you took those children. Yes, it hurts to take away the children from their mother..your daughter. But, if losing contact with her means saving those children from falling… it is a no brainer… you do what you have to for the kids. Advice is like opinions… everyone has one. Everyone is good at being a coach on the side line but until you are knee deep stuck in the mud holding the hand of a child or three children they have no clue in this world what you are feeling. Jealous? No dear not of me or anyone else. You are broken. Broken because you love your daughter. Broken because you raised your kids and now your raising your children’s kids. Broken because when they ask where mommy is you have no answer to provide. Broken is a great word. How am I less broken then you? Or you me? Or you then any of us? We aren’t really… We are all broken. But if you want to get unbroken just a little… keep up the great work you are doing. This is a rough road you are entering. No doubt much like mine. See my grandchild has been with me for almost 2 years… more like 1 yr and 6 months. She has been with me longer then her parents had her. They treat her like she is on lay away. They party, drink and drug it up. If they need shoes… heck they go get them. Here I am working 40 hrs a week raising my step son’s child. Zippo help. The best part of this plan is when the drugs get old and the booze wears off they suddenly remember… Oh there is a kid. But you know what, I would not trade it for anything in this world. When those little brown eyes look at me I know I would not change it for anything. When I get the kisses at night and hear I love you Ma Ma… I know it is ok. My broken pieces heal. Enjoy those children. Enjoy each and every day. Do not let anyone tell you anything different. Whatever Broken pieces you have inside let those little hands wrap around you and love all those hurts away Grandma.
May god bless you always. God keep your grand babies safe. You have done the right thing. I am soo very proud of you. Thank you for saving those kids.
-Broken Bridges
“nothing changes if nothing changes.”
I am right there with you. Go back one year ago and this is me… We have custody of our grandchild. Over my dead body will allow this child to fall ever again. No matter what family has to say know one thing you are doing the right thing. The only thing anyone should tell you is.. they are proud of you. One for stepping up to the plate. Because if you are like us you had like 2 seconds to decide what do to and you did not hesitate… you took those children. Yes, it hurts to take away the children from their mother..your daughter. But, if losing contact with her means saving those children from falling… it is a no brainer… you do what you have to for the kids. Advice is like opinions… everyone has one. Everyone is good at being a coach on the side line but until you are knee deep stuck in the mud holding the hand of a child or three children they have no clue in this world what you are feeling. Jealous? No dear not of me or anyone else. You are broken. Broken because you love your daughter. Broken because you raised your kids and now your raising your children’s kids. Broken because when they ask where mommy is you have no answer to provide. Broken is a great word. How am I less broken then you? Or you me? Or you then any of us? We aren’t really… We are all broken. But if you want to get unbroken just a little… keep up the great work you are doing. This is a rough road you are entering. No doubt much like mine. See my grandchild has been with me for almost 2 years… more like 1 yr and 6 months. She has been with me longer then her parents had her. They treat her like she is on lay away. They party, drink and drug it up. If they need shoes… heck they go get them. Here I am working 40 hrs a week raising my step son’s child. Zippo help. The best part of this plan is when the drugs get old and the booze wears off they suddenly remember… Oh there is a kid. But you know what, I would not trade it for anything in this world. When those little brown eyes look at me I know I would not change it for anything. When I get the kisses at night and hear I love you Ma Ma… I know it is ok. My broken pieces heal. Enjoy those children. Enjoy each and every day. Do not let anyone tell you anything different. Whatever Broken pieces you have inside let those little hands wrap around you and love all those hurts away Grandma.
May god bless you always. God keep your grand babies safe. You have done the right thing. I am soo very proud of you. Thank you for saving those kids.
-Broken Bridges
“nothing changes if nothing changes.”
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
you said it.............
Thank you so much! I read your post and read it again. You are right, I am broken and maybe that is what is making things so rough. I am suppose to be the tough one, the one people (my family and friends) come to for help or just to talk to and right now..i have no answers for anyone nor to I care to hear that their little problems..such as....they didn't take something out for dinner and have no idea what to fix. I use to be the type of person who would love to just listen, never really offering suggestion unless ask and now.... I just don't care. I feel like saying...you don;t know what to cook for dinner???...do you realize that I dont even know when the last time was my daughter ate dinner? I know my remarks would be spitefull and therefore choose to not associate with anyone because I just don't care.
This is where your theory of Broken hits home. You are right, I am broken but what scares me now...is since I am broken am I useless to all?? I can't function like this..especially around the kids...i can't smile one more day and pretend that I am happy with life. I guess this is where disassociation should come into play and I have tried to disassociate myself from what my daughter has done or has become, but it is only brought back to my attention everytime I have to look at these two children. The hurt they feel, the loss they must feel and that only gets me more irritated. Everytime i disapline my grandson, I have to hear...i want my mommy...I know that is every childs reaction but it kills me. I know kids don't understand what has happened, but to have him want his mommy so badly, to cry for her..just rips my heart to pieces.
This is where your theory of Broken hits home. You are right, I am broken but what scares me now...is since I am broken am I useless to all?? I can't function like this..especially around the kids...i can't smile one more day and pretend that I am happy with life. I guess this is where disassociation should come into play and I have tried to disassociate myself from what my daughter has done or has become, but it is only brought back to my attention everytime I have to look at these two children. The hurt they feel, the loss they must feel and that only gets me more irritated. Everytime i disapline my grandson, I have to hear...i want my mommy...I know that is every childs reaction but it kills me. I know kids don't understand what has happened, but to have him want his mommy so badly, to cry for her..just rips my heart to pieces.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
((((((((Trisha)))))))
I am right there with you. I so wish you could see what I see in you. No way are you useless. You are a hero in my eyes and those grandkid's eyes. Trisha, it hurts like heck to do what you are doing. I know what you're feeling. People seem to buzz around us thinking they have such huge issues but when your heart is broken you feel like you are dying inside. How can you possibly give anymore of yourself when you are spread so completely thin? How can you love anymore when your heart is broken? Well I will tell you, you put it in the hands of god. You turn your daughter over to a higher power. Then let go. See you have taken that first step of letting her go but what is left is the hurt of actually doing it. The pain only a mother knows. So go easy on yourself. Allow yourself to hurt. It is ok to cry. It is ok to feel things Trisha. Whatever feeling you have is the right one. You do not have to worry about everyone's feelings. If saying I have no clue what my daughter even ate for dinner or when her last meal was is what you want to say... pray. Pray she is getting a meal. Pray she had a bite to eat. Stuffing feelings in and holding them back makes it worse. Cry. Ball your eyes out if you need to. Grab your grandson when he says he wants his mommy and hold him and say I know you do sweetie. I want her too. Then pray for her. Tell him you can write her a letter. Save them and when she appears at your door you will have a present for her. Tell him to draw her a picture. Then, Say a quiet prayer for her.
But above all, if you need a friend I am here. I will listen. Don't you dare feel like your useless. You are a hero. God bless you Trisha. What you are doing for them and your daughter is a wonderful gift. Those kids are there and you are helping them. You have saved them and quiet possibly saved your daughter in the process. You gave the kids a second chance. You are nothing short of a hero. If they call and want to know what is for dinner...say pot roast.
TONS OF LOVE TO YOU,
Broken
I am right there with you. I so wish you could see what I see in you. No way are you useless. You are a hero in my eyes and those grandkid's eyes. Trisha, it hurts like heck to do what you are doing. I know what you're feeling. People seem to buzz around us thinking they have such huge issues but when your heart is broken you feel like you are dying inside. How can you possibly give anymore of yourself when you are spread so completely thin? How can you love anymore when your heart is broken? Well I will tell you, you put it in the hands of god. You turn your daughter over to a higher power. Then let go. See you have taken that first step of letting her go but what is left is the hurt of actually doing it. The pain only a mother knows. So go easy on yourself. Allow yourself to hurt. It is ok to cry. It is ok to feel things Trisha. Whatever feeling you have is the right one. You do not have to worry about everyone's feelings. If saying I have no clue what my daughter even ate for dinner or when her last meal was is what you want to say... pray. Pray she is getting a meal. Pray she had a bite to eat. Stuffing feelings in and holding them back makes it worse. Cry. Ball your eyes out if you need to. Grab your grandson when he says he wants his mommy and hold him and say I know you do sweetie. I want her too. Then pray for her. Tell him you can write her a letter. Save them and when she appears at your door you will have a present for her. Tell him to draw her a picture. Then, Say a quiet prayer for her.
But above all, if you need a friend I am here. I will listen. Don't you dare feel like your useless. You are a hero. God bless you Trisha. What you are doing for them and your daughter is a wonderful gift. Those kids are there and you are helping them. You have saved them and quiet possibly saved your daughter in the process. You gave the kids a second chance. You are nothing short of a hero. If they call and want to know what is for dinner...say pot roast.
TONS OF LOVE TO YOU,
Broken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
thank you sooo much
As you can tell, this week has been a rough one for me....but it wasn't me alone who got me through it...it was all of you!! I can't thank everyone enough. I sat up lastnight thinking about everything, told myself I was going to get through all this and that I was going to wake up with nothing but fresh thoughts. That sounded so good while I was thinking about it. I was woken up at 4:00 this morning by my grandson who said an ugly lady is trying to get him and he is scared. I put him in bed with me and just held him tight. When I got out of bed, he jumped up and held onto my nightgown following me through the house. Something scared this poor little guy and I just needed to reassure him that I was NEVER going to let anything hurt him. About 7:00 he started telling me about his dream. He said some ugly lady was chasing him and he couldn't ran faster than her. At that time he kept looking out the patio door...with this look of fear. It was all to sad and so sereal. We talked about his dream for a little bit and again I told him it was only a bad dream and that I would never let anyone hurt him. Out of his mouth came words that about had me in tears...he said, grandma, my mom is never coming back. Of course I told him, she will come back one day...but..she has a lot of things she needs to work on. He then said, grandma, my mom was ugly when i was born. It hit me, she was the one chasing him in his dreams...the one that scared this little guy to death!! He told me the ugly lady kept looking at him and smiling and he didnt' want to look at her ever again.
I think i am going to make a phone call to see if some form of counciling is needed for him. I know he is only 3 (soon to be 4) but for him to feel so scared..doesn't see right.
Anyhow, with all that said..Tomorrow is the day that I am going to wake up...and..work on myself!!
I think i am going to make a phone call to see if some form of counciling is needed for him. I know he is only 3 (soon to be 4) but for him to feel so scared..doesn't see right.
Anyhow, with all that said..Tomorrow is the day that I am going to wake up...and..work on myself!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
(((((((TRISHA))))))))) Give that little guy a kiss for me. God bless his heart. That gave me goose bumps. I sit here in tears. I so know what that cry at 4 is like. I know having to pull the little one in bed with you and how they can not get close enough. We will get through this. Nothing is forever... the good or the bad. This too shall pass. We will be ok. Together we will be ok. I am here for you always.
Much love,
Broken... AKA...Kim
Much love,
Broken... AKA...Kim
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
