Advice, friends?
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
(((((meggie)))))
It's a real tough situation for you but I have to say that I am so very proud of you - you have continued to push yourself even through the toughest of times and you deserve a real pat on the back for that. Don't give up now, you will make it either way.
Do what I do - ask yourself, in either decision, "What's the worst that can happen and can I handle it?"
I know you need help but you also know yourself the best, if he comes home, can you handle it if he relapses? Would you blame yourself? And if he doesn't come home, can you deal with it?
You, and you alone are the only one who knows what is best for the whole situation. It's not easy, I know that, but you have come so far; there has to be a solution.
Sending out prayers and hugs.
It's a real tough situation for you but I have to say that I am so very proud of you - you have continued to push yourself even through the toughest of times and you deserve a real pat on the back for that. Don't give up now, you will make it either way.
Do what I do - ask yourself, in either decision, "What's the worst that can happen and can I handle it?"
I know you need help but you also know yourself the best, if he comes home, can you handle it if he relapses? Would you blame yourself? And if he doesn't come home, can you deal with it?
You, and you alone are the only one who knows what is best for the whole situation. It's not easy, I know that, but you have come so far; there has to be a solution.
Sending out prayers and hugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm sending hugs too, Meggie, and a reminder that all our needs are met, not always all our wants, but our needs will be met by our Higher Power every day.
My thoughts are that as we learn to take care of ourselves, we learn to let go of expectations that others will take care of us. It is noble that your husband is offering to help, and that may be your answer, but my thoughts are that you will find a way that will work for you and let him finish his program.
Whatever feels "right" for you, IS the right answer. There are no guarantees in life but I think when anyone does their part, as you have been doing, that the rest will fall into place. I think that if you continue doing your part, the answer will appear all by itself. It usually does, and it's often a surprise to find that things will work out just fine.
My prayers go out for all of you.
Hugs
My thoughts are that as we learn to take care of ourselves, we learn to let go of expectations that others will take care of us. It is noble that your husband is offering to help, and that may be your answer, but my thoughts are that you will find a way that will work for you and let him finish his program.
Whatever feels "right" for you, IS the right answer. There are no guarantees in life but I think when anyone does their part, as you have been doing, that the rest will fall into place. I think that if you continue doing your part, the answer will appear all by itself. It usually does, and it's often a surprise to find that things will work out just fine.
My prayers go out for all of you.
Hugs
Last edited by Ann; 08-22-2007 at 04:54 AM.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
Meggie, there's a wealth of support, experience and helpful advice in the 22 posts above mine.
Go inside Meggie. The answer is inside you. Let what feels right and your HP guide you.
Hugs
Go inside Meggie. The answer is inside you. Let what feels right and your HP guide you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
Sometimes you dont have to go to the financial aid office. Go to the federal loan website and you can apply there and they will get all the info from the school and approve your loan. I have done that several times just to save running back and forth to the school. Might want to give it a shot got nothing to loose at this point.
I know how hard it is but if your ah gets out and uses and goes back to his old ways you will be resentful and it could backfire on you. He could blame you for this as they usually will find a way to blame anyone but themselves. I would try all other options b4 asking him to come home to help out financially this is a great opportunity for him to get clean. Just my 2 cents.
I know how hard it is but if your ah gets out and uses and goes back to his old ways you will be resentful and it could backfire on you. He could blame you for this as they usually will find a way to blame anyone but themselves. I would try all other options b4 asking him to come home to help out financially this is a great opportunity for him to get clean. Just my 2 cents.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
Money is the root of all evils.........
Meggie,
I read you post and can only offer my opinion....Don't let money be the reason that you let someone back into your life. As you well know, having someone in your home who is a addict ......not only disrupts your home but also uses your means (money) to get their drug of choice.
On another note, I too have been studying to get my degree in education. Although I will finish my Associates degree in Sept. I am still looking for options to obtain my BA in education. I have thought long and hard about the entire process and was wondering if you had talk to your advisor about the possiblity of allowing your 16 weeks of student teaching to coinside with a substatitute teacher. I know that I can't afford to be off work for 3 months to student teach and therefore I am trying to think of other ways this could be done. I would talk to your advisor and the school district to see if it would be possible for them to bring you on as a substitute and check with you advisor to see if this would count towards your student teaching.
Honestly, I don't think it should be a problem and as long as the school is willing to let you sub. you will receive a weekly paycheck from that.
Anyhow, I hope this helps and if I come up with any additional ideas.. i will share them with you!!
All the best!!
I read you post and can only offer my opinion....Don't let money be the reason that you let someone back into your life. As you well know, having someone in your home who is a addict ......not only disrupts your home but also uses your means (money) to get their drug of choice.
On another note, I too have been studying to get my degree in education. Although I will finish my Associates degree in Sept. I am still looking for options to obtain my BA in education. I have thought long and hard about the entire process and was wondering if you had talk to your advisor about the possiblity of allowing your 16 weeks of student teaching to coinside with a substatitute teacher. I know that I can't afford to be off work for 3 months to student teach and therefore I am trying to think of other ways this could be done. I would talk to your advisor and the school district to see if it would be possible for them to bring you on as a substitute and check with you advisor to see if this would count towards your student teaching.
Honestly, I don't think it should be a problem and as long as the school is willing to let you sub. you will receive a weekly paycheck from that.
Anyhow, I hope this helps and if I come up with any additional ideas.. i will share them with you!!
All the best!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Meggie,
There is so much good information here already. I'll just add hugs and love and support - you've come so far in your recovery these past few years. I know that you will consider all the information and then you'll make the right decision for you and your son.
Hugs
Cats
There is so much good information here already. I'll just add hugs and love and support - you've come so far in your recovery these past few years. I know that you will consider all the information and then you'll make the right decision for you and your son.
Hugs
Cats
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
Meggie,
First and foremost I would go to federal aid....they're your best bet educationally. I have $$ in the bank and was living at home and they fully financed my ENTIRE master's.
it's www.fafsa.ed.gov
Below is another link for aid for single moms. Take it as you are one right now. You do now need to bend on what you believe and your dreams and goals because of him.
http://www.singlemom.com/RESOURCES/financialaid.htm
Also, most schools have some type of childcare, especially programs that are set up for the working adult. Usually as well they work on a sliding scale. See if there is something in your area that is similar.
I used to work in foreclosure. There are a million of different options (which people do not realize) when there is a hardship situtation to avoid foreclosure. Contact your lender directly and explain the situation. Suprisingly, the mrotgage companies do not want their properties to end up in foreclosure and will work with you to make the situation work for both parties.
Best of luck
First and foremost I would go to federal aid....they're your best bet educationally. I have $$ in the bank and was living at home and they fully financed my ENTIRE master's.
it's www.fafsa.ed.gov
Below is another link for aid for single moms. Take it as you are one right now. You do now need to bend on what you believe and your dreams and goals because of him.
http://www.singlemom.com/RESOURCES/financialaid.htm
Also, most schools have some type of childcare, especially programs that are set up for the working adult. Usually as well they work on a sliding scale. See if there is something in your area that is similar.
I used to work in foreclosure. There are a million of different options (which people do not realize) when there is a hardship situtation to avoid foreclosure. Contact your lender directly and explain the situation. Suprisingly, the mrotgage companies do not want their properties to end up in foreclosure and will work with you to make the situation work for both parties.
Best of luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 233
(((Meggie))),
It would be ideal for him to come home and help you right now, when you need him.
I do agree with whoever said "trust your instincts".
If I could learn to do that on a regular basis it would save me a lot of trouble!!
You will figure it out...good luck with the teaching!!!
It would be ideal for him to come home and help you right now, when you need him.
I do agree with whoever said "trust your instincts".
If I could learn to do that on a regular basis it would save me a lot of trouble!!
You will figure it out...good luck with the teaching!!!
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((Meggie)))))
Sorry I'm late. Don't have much to add anyway. All the options and advice are here. Now it's just up to you on what to do with it. We won't judge you on either decision you make. It's totally and completely yours. I would agree on the fact that you shouldn't bring him home just for the extra money. What your doing is hard. Very hard, and I commend and admire you so much for it. Just go with your instincts.
They've gotten you this far, my friend. Ask HP for guidance.
Your in my thoughts and prayers,
Linda
Sorry I'm late. Don't have much to add anyway. All the options and advice are here. Now it's just up to you on what to do with it. We won't judge you on either decision you make. It's totally and completely yours. I would agree on the fact that you shouldn't bring him home just for the extra money. What your doing is hard. Very hard, and I commend and admire you so much for it. Just go with your instincts.
They've gotten you this far, my friend. Ask HP for guidance.
Your in my thoughts and prayers,
Linda
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