Mertzie

I often read the Substance Abuse forum. I'm pretty naive about most drugs, so I find it helpful to get the addict's point of view. Here's a link to a recent thread about quitting cocaine and crack. Hugs

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rack-w-na.html

frankly

((confused))

I don't know what your BF is doing. I can tell you that I was with my ex husband for 13 years, thought he only smoked a little, drank too much and was just having a real rough time, I felt sorry for him. Turns out he was doing coke for at least the last 5 years and I didn't have a clue. He too claimed he had never done it at home, I believed him until I found the goodies powder pouch full, I didn't find it actually, my oldest son did. My husband worked, and acted responsible at first, I figured he didn't have it as bad as "others", heck he could go a whole month and say "see, I don't need it" no obvious signs of anything, over time, that changed. Over time, he became lazy about everything. Spurts of energy where he would get things done around the house (he would use to do it) then crash, no energy, depressed but most of all just sad and pathetic, "oh poor me this, poor me that" "I'm trying so hard" I could go on and on and on.

Sending Prayers
B

dixied

confused,

boundaries are limits you set as to what you will and will not put up with in regards as to how the addict will affect your life. It is you taking care of you. Since you have asked some questions I am going to give you my honest opinion.....take it for what it's worth.

First and foremost you are a mother. Your obligation is to your children and I believe you have two that are minors, also one that is 17. You are sharing your home with someone who is a drug user by your own admission and his. The drug he uses is illegal by law. You cannot say for sure that he does or does not use that drug in your home with your children present. That would be something I personally would not tolerate. You leave your children in his care. If something happens to your children in his care and you knowingly left them with him you will be accountable by law AND morally. In other words you knowingly endangered your own children by leaving them in his care knowing he used drugs. I have a legal background so I know of what I speak.

A drug user is a user whether they use once a day or once a week. What kind of example are you setting by letting him stay there especially with an impressionable 17 year old? What does he provide you with that makes you want to be his saviour? It isn't your job. You aren't trained to do that. If you want to help him then get him to go to a drug counselor or mental health facility. Let trained people give him his options and evaluate the extenet of his use.

As far as staying off it for four days.....my son went somewhere for three weeks on a business trip, never used then came home and picked right back up. So the number of days really is inconsequential. It is his commitment to the program. He has to work it and I might add if he is using your car or anything for transportation and drugs are found the car can be impounded. Your home could be searched. Your children, most of all, could be taken away from you by DSS so YOU are the one that has a lot to lose by continuing to let him try to "clean up" in your home.

Read the sticky on "What Addicts DO" and see if any of it rings true. I offer this to you because I am an advocate of children and trying to help clean up someone on drugs is not worth jeopardizing your children and your home. Things might not seem so bad now but answer this........just what does he provide that makes you think this lifestyle is so great?

I probably posted more than you wanted to know.......take it for what it is worth............dixie

confusedwoman4

Oh dixied!!! You are sooo right!!! I am gonna print that off, carry it around in my purse and read every word, every day!! I have read over and over again and even to my 17 year old, what addicts do. We both agree with it. I am not his savior, only he is. If my Exhusband found out oh boy would I have trouble!! He has GOT to go. If he is serious he can clean up and come back after he proves to me he can do it.

Thanks so much for your "hard" words that is just what I needed!!!

dixied

Confused,

Act now and make a plan to get him out of your residence. Have a plan AND a back up plan. Perhaps have someone there for support when you tell him he must find other living arrangements and above all have new locks put on your home. Your first priority is YOUR mental health and that of your children AND their safety. Step up to the plate and be the mom that God intended you to be.........care for those innocent children. You are their role model.......I care so passionately because one woman about 50 miles from my hometown left her 4 year old in the care of a cocaine addict and he suffocated the child and buried him in a clump of bushes. He was found day before yesterday. The town was Greenville, S. C. so act quickly for the safety of all of you. Offer him resources such as phone numbers etc. but nothing more. You have so much to lose. The choice is yours. I will pray for you and those children. dixie

CrushedbyCrack

I have been listening to the same exact words from my husband for the last two and a half years. Let me tell you, it hasn't gotten any better. Every time (and this is at least two to three times a week) he "slips" I get mad and say to myself, this is it, I"m not going to take it anymore, it's over, I want a divorce, and every single time, I get sucked back in by his seeming sincerity to change. By the way, his excuse was always that his drinking buddy from work was the problem. Well. his drinking buddy got fired (for getting drunk one too many times and trying to come to work that way) over two months ago, he doesn't talk to him anymore, and he is still doing what he always did. It doesn't matter how much you love them, and want to help them, they have to help themselves. Until he is in a treatment program and actively working the twelve steps and working on his recovery, you can never ever believe anything he says, no matter how much he wants to keep his promises, he can't until he is working on his recovery...and maybe even then, it still won't be enough. If I was in your shoes I WOULD GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SANITY AND HEALTHY CHILDREN!!! I'm only speaking from my own experience, and as easy as it is for me to say it, it's not easy for me to do it.