Is it kidnapping? HELP!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 6
Is it kidnapping? HELP!
Don’t know where to begin or how to keep this short and understandable. My sister is on the other side of the country and she’s an addict. She has two grown sons, one is outside the country and the other is here living near me. A few weeks ago my sister was badly beaten-up by another sister—she spent 3 days in the hospital.
Her son’s decided the best thing would be to get her out of that state and bring her here. She said yes she wanted to do that but when the time came for her to call back to finalize arrangements she didn’t call and didn’t answer her phone. A week later she did call with the excuse that her phone got stolen but now she has it back. Again, an agreement was made that she would call at a certain time to finalize travel arrangements. No, she didn’t call—you were expecting that, huh? Her sons, once again, cannot reach her by phone and now they’ve come up with this plan that I know I cannot talk them out of.
The son that lives here is going to fly to where she is and bring her back here with him. This sounds really scary to me—I’m such a wimp. Can he get in trouble for kidnapping her? If she is high what kind of symptoms will she have when she comes down? Is it dangerous to her or anyone else? Since I cannot talk these young men out of their plan is there anything I should tell them to expect or any safegaurds they should take or should they contact someone to go with them to the place she is living? I really don’t know what to do or not do. Oh, I’m just a mess right now—sorry. Please give me any advice you can—has anyone ever done anything like this? What was the outcome? Thank you in advance.
Her son’s decided the best thing would be to get her out of that state and bring her here. She said yes she wanted to do that but when the time came for her to call back to finalize arrangements she didn’t call and didn’t answer her phone. A week later she did call with the excuse that her phone got stolen but now she has it back. Again, an agreement was made that she would call at a certain time to finalize travel arrangements. No, she didn’t call—you were expecting that, huh? Her sons, once again, cannot reach her by phone and now they’ve come up with this plan that I know I cannot talk them out of.
The son that lives here is going to fly to where she is and bring her back here with him. This sounds really scary to me—I’m such a wimp. Can he get in trouble for kidnapping her? If she is high what kind of symptoms will she have when she comes down? Is it dangerous to her or anyone else? Since I cannot talk these young men out of their plan is there anything I should tell them to expect or any safegaurds they should take or should they contact someone to go with them to the place she is living? I really don’t know what to do or not do. Oh, I’m just a mess right now—sorry. Please give me any advice you can—has anyone ever done anything like this? What was the outcome? Thank you in advance.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Sister... if the boys (what age?) don't use force, I don't believe it is kidnapping.
If they manipulate or lie to her to get her to come with them... that might be considered morally wrong... but as long as they re not trying to hurt her, I doubt there is a law that can be applied.
I don't know what is your sister's drug of choice, so I can't help you on how she might be "coming down", but generally, we don't give medical advice but instead advise anyone detoxing to go to a physician or clinic for help.
What I DO know, is that until they are ready... and none of us can determine that from the outside... until they are ready, an addict might say or do anything to get us off their backs - so he or she can go back to using.
That is the nature of the disease.
But we are nearly as bad as the addicts - we who love them. Because no matter what anyone tells us, we continue to think we can control or cure the addiction through some action or words or threats or behavior. We cannot.
The best thing I've found for me was Alanon. I urge you to give some meetings a try.
(((hugs)))
If they manipulate or lie to her to get her to come with them... that might be considered morally wrong... but as long as they re not trying to hurt her, I doubt there is a law that can be applied.
I don't know what is your sister's drug of choice, so I can't help you on how she might be "coming down", but generally, we don't give medical advice but instead advise anyone detoxing to go to a physician or clinic for help.
What I DO know, is that until they are ready... and none of us can determine that from the outside... until they are ready, an addict might say or do anything to get us off their backs - so he or she can go back to using.
That is the nature of the disease.
But we are nearly as bad as the addicts - we who love them. Because no matter what anyone tells us, we continue to think we can control or cure the addiction through some action or words or threats or behavior. We cannot.
The best thing I've found for me was Alanon. I urge you to give some meetings a try.
(((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 6
Thanks, BigSis, I am HOPING he does not use force but right now they are in a desperate frame of mind. Of course if he does use force how would he ever get her on a plane? Whew! At least he won't be able to cross state line with her. I don't know who I'm more worried about, my sister or her boys. The young men have done so well in spite of tremendous hardship. The boys are 19 and 26. It's the younger one that is here and going to go get her. Her drug of choice as far as I know is meth. I know she is the one that has to want to change, her boys believe all she needs is a change in environment. If she really wanted a change in environment she would have already gotten on a plane the first time they offered. They don't understand that yet. It's still hurting them too much. Not that it doesn't hurt me as well it's different when you accept you can't force someone into rehab.
Thanks for your time, I appreciate it.
Thanks for your time, I appreciate it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 6
Yes, parentrecovers, she does have a family that cares--just wish she would care as much about herself as we care for her. I don't think she is ready either, or she would already be here. But her boys are feeling desparate and feel the have to DO SOMETHING. Right now I think I am more concerned for the boys, they don't deserve to go through all this pain and worry, they are good people.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Sister1,
I don't think her son is doing anything wrong, but the problem is that he probably will not be successful. He cannot force her to come back with him, all he can do is beg. Maybe she will be more likely to do it if he is there to help her, but that remains to be seen.
Like others have said, it really doesn't sound like she's ready for help. And I agree with you, her boys don't deserve to go through this. The problem is that they are caught up in her addiction, and there is probably very little you can do to talk them out of their state of mind. They are, at this point, addicted to her addiction. All you can do is gently tell them that their mother is probably not coming back on that plane this time, and that they are a bigger help to her if they focus on their own recoveries, so that whenever she does decide it is time to get help, they will be strong enough to know what to do. Right now they would probably act out of emotion more than sense, and that can do worlds of damage to everyone involved in this situation.
But even if she did come home with her son... what then? Addicts are very good at finding each other, no matter how new they are to an area. I hope your nephew does not think he can monitor her and keep her from her addiction... he will only drown in her problems if he brings her home in this state of mind. It's different if she wants to get into rehab near you guys... then you and her son could visit her and be nearby without risking her getting high or drunk at your homes, stealing your belongings, meeting others who might steal your belongings, etc...
The boys are very lucky to have you for an aunt. I pray that they get the help they need in this, and that your sister wakes up soon and realizes how much she needs help.
*hugs and prayers*
I don't think her son is doing anything wrong, but the problem is that he probably will not be successful. He cannot force her to come back with him, all he can do is beg. Maybe she will be more likely to do it if he is there to help her, but that remains to be seen.
Like others have said, it really doesn't sound like she's ready for help. And I agree with you, her boys don't deserve to go through this. The problem is that they are caught up in her addiction, and there is probably very little you can do to talk them out of their state of mind. They are, at this point, addicted to her addiction. All you can do is gently tell them that their mother is probably not coming back on that plane this time, and that they are a bigger help to her if they focus on their own recoveries, so that whenever she does decide it is time to get help, they will be strong enough to know what to do. Right now they would probably act out of emotion more than sense, and that can do worlds of damage to everyone involved in this situation.
But even if she did come home with her son... what then? Addicts are very good at finding each other, no matter how new they are to an area. I hope your nephew does not think he can monitor her and keep her from her addiction... he will only drown in her problems if he brings her home in this state of mind. It's different if she wants to get into rehab near you guys... then you and her son could visit her and be nearby without risking her getting high or drunk at your homes, stealing your belongings, meeting others who might steal your belongings, etc...
The boys are very lucky to have you for an aunt. I pray that they get the help they need in this, and that your sister wakes up soon and realizes how much she needs help.
*hugs and prayers*
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I don't think I can add to what has been said other than to say that from what I understand, Meth is very difficult and withdrawing should be done under doctor's care.
I'm sorry for the concerns and for what her sons are going through. I don't think they can resort to force...as you said she has to go on a plane. He may need to find that she is not ready himself. I'll be keeping your family in my prayers.
I'm sorry for the concerns and for what her sons are going through. I don't think they can resort to force...as you said she has to go on a plane. He may need to find that she is not ready himself. I'll be keeping your family in my prayers.
Sav
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NYC,NY
Posts: 128
As long as she gets in the car willingly, no matter how much she objects, cries and complains, they're fine (ought to be a *fun* trip!).
But like others said, don't expect to succeed. I didn't see you mention what she uses or how much.
You may be better off if they arrange to have her go into treatment there (If she's willing). I've heard some real nightmare stories about well meaning family who took an addict family member home and locked them in a room, expecting them to "get over it". I don't think I've ever heard of it working out. How would the sons know when the time has come to call an ambulance and take her to a doctor/emergency room? Or not? Do you have any idea the kind of treatment an addict gets when taken into an emergency room in the full throes of withdrawal? It's usually pretty bad, just causes further hurt, and puts off recovery that much longer.
But like others said, don't expect to succeed. I didn't see you mention what she uses or how much.
You may be better off if they arrange to have her go into treatment there (If she's willing). I've heard some real nightmare stories about well meaning family who took an addict family member home and locked them in a room, expecting them to "get over it". I don't think I've ever heard of it working out. How would the sons know when the time has come to call an ambulance and take her to a doctor/emergency room? Or not? Do you have any idea the kind of treatment an addict gets when taken into an emergency room in the full throes of withdrawal? It's usually pretty bad, just causes further hurt, and puts off recovery that much longer.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
this sounds scary to me. i think i would try to talk them out of this. she is not ready or she would already be with the family. i am sorry for being negitive but that is how i feel. prayers for all,
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((sister1))
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I'm sorry your sister is going through this. It's a sad thing. I'm afraid her sons are in for a lot of heartache. But if they don't experience it themselves, they will never take someone elses word for it. All she has to say is no I don't want to go. Those simple words are all it takes. Especially if she is under the influence. But just like the addict, they will have to suffer the consequences of their actions, even though they are made out of love. Do they know that they could be doing more harm than good? Things may be just bad enough for her to want help, but if they step up and "rescue" her, they may save her from her bottom, just for her to have to go down that slippery path again and maybe hit a worse bottom.
Enough about all of them, what about you? You are stressing yourself out over your sister and her sons. They are all grown, they know the consequences. All the worry in the world will not change anything any of them will do. It is what it is and will be what it will be, I personally would say a prayer, hand it over to my HP, and go take a hot bubble bath.
Lots of Prayers for you and your family
B
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I'm sorry your sister is going through this. It's a sad thing. I'm afraid her sons are in for a lot of heartache. But if they don't experience it themselves, they will never take someone elses word for it. All she has to say is no I don't want to go. Those simple words are all it takes. Especially if she is under the influence. But just like the addict, they will have to suffer the consequences of their actions, even though they are made out of love. Do they know that they could be doing more harm than good? Things may be just bad enough for her to want help, but if they step up and "rescue" her, they may save her from her bottom, just for her to have to go down that slippery path again and maybe hit a worse bottom.
Enough about all of them, what about you? You are stressing yourself out over your sister and her sons. They are all grown, they know the consequences. All the worry in the world will not change anything any of them will do. It is what it is and will be what it will be, I personally would say a prayer, hand it over to my HP, and go take a hot bubble bath.
Lots of Prayers for you and your family
B
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It sounds like she in deep in her addiction and I think that taking her when she is unwilling...or incapable of knowing what she is doing...is wrong and quite possibly illegal.
I also shutter to think what a plane ride across country while withdrawing would be like and I KNOW I don't want to be on the same plane, sorry but it isn't pretty and she very well may need medical care.
Moving her to another coast will just move her problem with her. Until she is willing to do something for herself, the problems and personal danger that go with addiction will remain.
Please don't think I am insensitive here. Believe me, my heart goes out for your sister and for all of you who love her. I've been there and I know the fear and the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves.
My prayers go out for all of you, and for your sister, that she may find a better path soon.
Hugs
I also shutter to think what a plane ride across country while withdrawing would be like and I KNOW I don't want to be on the same plane, sorry but it isn't pretty and she very well may need medical care.
Moving her to another coast will just move her problem with her. Until she is willing to do something for herself, the problems and personal danger that go with addiction will remain.
Please don't think I am insensitive here. Believe me, my heart goes out for your sister and for all of you who love her. I've been there and I know the fear and the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves.
My prayers go out for all of you, and for your sister, that she may find a better path soon.
Hugs
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I would like to add that even if she did get on the plane and go with her son, once she gets to the destination, she might not want to stay.
Other options are committing her. Some states will keep a person at least 24 hours for evaluation. She'd have time to dry out.
Other options are committing her. Some states will keep a person at least 24 hours for evaluation. She'd have time to dry out.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sister1,
Welcome to SR.
I wouldn't recommend this, but if the boys have made up their mind to do this, there probably isn't much you can do about it. Until your sis is ready, they could move her from one coast and back again and it wouldn't help.
I know you're concerned and want help for you sister, too. Best thing I can recommend is finding an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting in your area. You can go to those meetings and learn about what would be the best way to handle your life which happens to be affected by the disease of addiction.
Hope to see you around here some more.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR.
I wouldn't recommend this, but if the boys have made up their mind to do this, there probably isn't much you can do about it. Until your sis is ready, they could move her from one coast and back again and it wouldn't help.
I know you're concerned and want help for you sister, too. Best thing I can recommend is finding an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting in your area. You can go to those meetings and learn about what would be the best way to handle your life which happens to be affected by the disease of addiction.
Hope to see you around here some more.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
sister,
i'm so sorry for your nephews - the addict in my life is my sister - we tried so many times to help and in the end she wouldn't answer her phone or follow through with what she said she wanted to do - that's all part of being an addict - so many times my mom has tried to find her and she isn't there - have the boys thought of that? that if they show up where they think she is she might not be there - and if she is high (just knowing myself how my sister was/is when high) i don't think they'll let her on a plane - it's hard to think of what if's when we have no idea of what might or might not happen i'm jsut sharing what happened in our case - we can only hope that someday their ready to get the help the need...
still hoping...
love,
s
i'm so sorry for your nephews - the addict in my life is my sister - we tried so many times to help and in the end she wouldn't answer her phone or follow through with what she said she wanted to do - that's all part of being an addict - so many times my mom has tried to find her and she isn't there - have the boys thought of that? that if they show up where they think she is she might not be there - and if she is high (just knowing myself how my sister was/is when high) i don't think they'll let her on a plane - it's hard to think of what if's when we have no idea of what might or might not happen i'm jsut sharing what happened in our case - we can only hope that someday their ready to get the help the need...
still hoping...
love,
s
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