guineapigjude

The scariest thing that's happened since XAH and I split up has been accepting how deep in denial I was. You could've hit me over the head with a sledgehammer, and I still would've trudged on wearing my codie blinders. So many things have come to light since I've emerged from the twilight zone that was my mode of survival, and it's terrifying to think I truly thought I had everything under control.
I found out from my daughter yesterday that when she was 10 or 11, she found XAH's Altoids box where he stashed the joints he was burning that day. She thought he was hiding cigarettes from me, and stressed for two years that X was smoking cigarettes behind my back. This year, during Health class, (and luckily after X left and I leveled with the kids about his addictions) she saw a picture of some roaches and put two and two together. My son was also told by a classmate that X's brother died from a heroin OD. The family told everyone it was a heart attack. How long would it have been til someone clued my son into his dad's addiction?
I was so proud that I "kept my kids safe" and that they weren't exposed to X's disease. Now I know I was only fooling myself.
If you're reading this and think you have it under control, think again. Alcohol and drugs are alot more clever than we are, and they suck us in before we even know there's something to be sucked into. X did a lot of things to me that I was blind to, which I can let go because I'm gonna be okay. But I shudder to think what might've happened with the kids if we hadn't gotten out in time.

parentrecovers

love the name of your thread

Wascally Wabbit

Oh, Ive been there. Its the old "hind sight is 20/20" thing too.

Looking back, I believe we protect our own emotions by living in denial. Deep inside us, we know the truth, but we won't admit it. The truth grows and grows into a huge monster. Then, when that monster can no longer be contained in our cage of denial, and it's bursting to get out, we are forced to look at it, ugly fangs and all. And the truth hurts. It's because of this inevitable pain that we know the truth brings, that we live in denial.
Once we look at it, and face it, we are forced to deal with it.
If we are smart, we dont beat ourselves up for what was done.
Instead, we work toward inner healing and peace for our spirit.
Once we experience it, we can learn from it, and we don't get fooled again.

duet_4-8

Both of my older boys were approached by classmates in high school that thought thier dad was so 'cool' because he was out partying....I thought I was protecting my kids, too. Matter of fact I just posted a copy of my middle boy's myspace blog from last night. Even though he speaks very kindly of me, I know that I could have done a lot more to protect him, all of them.

Like getting off the boat on 'denial' and getting them the heck out of there sooner. I, too, feel like I was in a twilight zone. But it gets better. Hang in there!

(((hug)))

hope213

all we can do is our best when raising our children.sometimes our best is not the right thing but it is what we thought was at the time.i am glad your best was.