splendra

Most of you know I kicked my H out of the house at first he was sleeping in his truck then he moved in to the travel trailer. I called his best friend and told him about how much he has been using. The friend came and took him on a trip with him and he was gone for a little while. His friend was buying real estate and talking about his retirement plan...My H hasn't given much thought to retirement but being with his friend kinda changed his attitude...He defiantly ain't getting any younger...

Anyway he came back and decided to apply for a job that is in keeping with his degree what a novel idea to actually use his masters degree for something like a job. Go figure...he is waiting to hear back from them. In the mean time he has cleaned up the yard(mostly his mess to begin with),cleaned out the garage again mostly his mess and he has fixed the travel trailer and made it really cute inside.

He is looking for other jobs in case the one he applied for does not pan out....

He seems to be clean but, I have not questioned him about what he is doing. He tells me what he is doing now which before I asked him...

He may be going codie on me cause he has a musician friend who drinks quite heavily that he is trying to encourage to quit drinking. The man is extremely talented and has played with some very big stars and is writing a book to which he has asked my H to help him edit, which is what drew him to notice this man's drinking habits...

My H does seem more like the person that I fell in love with but, he is still sleeping in trailer. He will have to show me something real strong before and if I let him come back inside. I know he has a long row to hoe...and I am not going to kid myself cause I know anything could set him right back to where he was. At least he seems happier and he seems to want to get out of the rut he was in...

I try not to get too involved with him we have coffee together in the morning. I don't let what he does interfere with my daily life. I am taking good care of me and letting him go....I think we both feel better for it...

Jwife22

(((splendra)))

I pray that this is it for him and he's serious about getting it together.

marle

Sounds like a good set up for now. You are detaching, he is figuring out how to take care of himself. Hugs, Marle

parentrecovers

you amaze me, splendra

you're very strong.

blessings, k

splendra

It is a little scary that he might just get it together and decide to leave altogether...But, I will cross that bridge if and when it comes...at least being more separate makes it easier for both of us...

A man moved into our neighborhood recently and he had come over to my house and we were out in the yard talking when my H came back from his trip...my H seemed a little jealous. He asked me all kinds of questions about him most of which I did not know the answer to.

We sometimes pretend that no one could be attracted to me but, I know and so does he that it is just not true...in the grand scheme of things I am pretty sure he is a lot more insecure than I am...

itiswhatitis...

splendra,

that's really encouraging - you both seem to be getting yourselves in a *really good place* (sorry it sounds a little trite but true) - i love when you say he's decided to use his degree to get a job (what a novel idea) - amazing you still have a sense of humor - amazing and important...

godspeed,
s

rayofsunshine

Your strength is inspiring. (I love to read your posts.) Glad to hear hubbys progress.
Prayers for both of you and that he will choose the right path now.

splendra

Growing up in active addiction has just made me codie to the core...I feel lucky that I am not an addict. I had a go with alcohol and drugs for several years and decided I loved my life more than getting high.

I do not really feel all that strong I think what it is is that I have tried just about everything there is to try some things I tried more than once or twice and I got started at a very early age. Addict behavior is the norm for me. Learning that this kind of behavior is not normal, sane, necessary, acceptable, and loving are the hurdles I had to jump...and there probably are more too.

I truly wish I had been stronger with him a long time ago....I see in looking back where my windows of opportunity were. I see that I do not have to put up with BS or let him or my other addicted family members hurt me. I see that it has come to me in stages what come to some all at once but all of us codies go thru many similar experiences. I am very glad when it happens fast for others although I know it hurts so much. At least some have a point of reference as to what normal is and want to get back to that.

I have pushed really hard for him to get treatment or rehab which one of his arguements has been a lack of funds. But, I did read something not long ago at a web site someone mentioned here called "crack reality" it was stated there that most crack addicts do recover on their own with out rehab or treatment...I found that to be very interesting...I read the whole site though and saw that most of what the people who are involved with crack addicts go thru is so similar. I just want me...I don't really care if he gets it any more either he will or he won't...

When I kicked him out I really wanted him to leave and he may well be on his way to doing that....

Thank you everyone at SR you gave to me what I could not find anywhere else...

BigSis

Oh man, Splen... you've come a long, long way. I admire you.

You know I read that part about "what if"... you know if he gets sober now and moves on without you.

But if you had ONLY 2 choices - him sober alone or him with you and using - I think I know which one you would choose.

I had to think about that a little with my daughter. I wanted SO much to help her, to be the kind of mom she can turn to when she is at her lowest.

But you know what? Every single time that girl moves back in ....she goes back out.

She has to do this for HER own sake, and whenever I get in the middle of that, it breaks.

My prayers are that you can remain strong, remain friends and that this really is his time.

(((Splendra)))

Lobo

Splendra, I admire your ways of dealing with him. Sounds like he is trying.
A pretty good setup for now. You are a shining example to all of us.

Hugs.........Lo

greeteachday

I guess I've always known this intellectually...that for some people it's a super struggle because this is the way of life they have always been surrounded with, but for some reason, seeing it in print as clearly as you said it just hit beyond intellectual understanding. What an amazing journey and how strong and determined you are! There are so many here with similar battles, I really admire the courage and strength to love yourself and life enough to get beyond what is that norm.

I'm really glad that things are going well.

havehope

(((Splenda)))
Thank you for posting your update. You are such a strong women. I admire your strength. Keep us updated.
Terri

CatsPajamas

Splendra, your recovery is shining!

~Cats (still in an airport.....)

helpus

High five Splendra ! You are doing great. Sounds like your husband might just have it this time. I pray that he does.

splendra

I don't care if he has it....His track record is not very impressive. He still don't seem to see that he has taken much and given little.

I care if I get it. I care that I have put up with too much crap. Even if he does not see it I see it. My reality is the one I intend to cultivate.

We tried to talk a little last nite. I feel really resentful of how little he has contributed he thinks I don't give him any credit. I look at what has been consistent...