Guidance about divorce and legal issues needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 52
Guidance about divorce and legal issues needed
Finally coming to my senses...after the 16 year old girl bit, despite my husband's attempt at recovery currently, I am done.
But now I feel trapped by the legal issues and what it will mean financially.
My AH barely works now because his mother is supporting him so he could only take music gigs he wanted. So in essence she has been supporting my kids and I for some time. She obviously is somewhat wealthy. My family is not at all. I have no resources. I am a student and she said she wanted to help us so I could finish school as well (I quit and started working so he could pursue his music and not have to work a job back when she didn't help us out, codie?). She even owns the house we live in. She could throw me out tomorrow if she buys into his stuff...she originally said she wouldn't because she wants to do the right thing for the grandkids...But he is manipulative and if he decides he wants to, I think his mom is putty in his hands.
I talked to him today about seeing a mediator and he informed me that he doesn't really make much money so he won't have to pay much child support. Then he said, "Guess you better get a job." And went on a rant about how I am the one seeking legal recourse and it is my fault I am tearing the family up. Part of me thinks he said all of this to try to scare me into not divorcing. But the other part of me thinks he is going to be very difficult and that he truly thinks he can take money from his mom and barely work and therefore not have to pay much child support. A lot of his money is paid in cash and not easily tracked as well.
He has always been liberal with money for the kids previously. I thought we could work this out nicely and not go divorce lawyer route. Also, I admit, I wanted to play nice so I didn't upset his mom and she wouldn't throw me out of the house and stop helping the kids and I. I now feel like I should just give up school and get a job so I am no longer at someone else's mercy.
Should I just get a lawyer...of course, I have no money for one...And in TN, legal aid won't help with custody or divorce.
?????
But now I feel trapped by the legal issues and what it will mean financially.
My AH barely works now because his mother is supporting him so he could only take music gigs he wanted. So in essence she has been supporting my kids and I for some time. She obviously is somewhat wealthy. My family is not at all. I have no resources. I am a student and she said she wanted to help us so I could finish school as well (I quit and started working so he could pursue his music and not have to work a job back when she didn't help us out, codie?). She even owns the house we live in. She could throw me out tomorrow if she buys into his stuff...she originally said she wouldn't because she wants to do the right thing for the grandkids...But he is manipulative and if he decides he wants to, I think his mom is putty in his hands.
I talked to him today about seeing a mediator and he informed me that he doesn't really make much money so he won't have to pay much child support. Then he said, "Guess you better get a job." And went on a rant about how I am the one seeking legal recourse and it is my fault I am tearing the family up. Part of me thinks he said all of this to try to scare me into not divorcing. But the other part of me thinks he is going to be very difficult and that he truly thinks he can take money from his mom and barely work and therefore not have to pay much child support. A lot of his money is paid in cash and not easily tracked as well.
He has always been liberal with money for the kids previously. I thought we could work this out nicely and not go divorce lawyer route. Also, I admit, I wanted to play nice so I didn't upset his mom and she wouldn't throw me out of the house and stop helping the kids and I. I now feel like I should just give up school and get a job so I am no longer at someone else's mercy.
Should I just get a lawyer...of course, I have no money for one...And in TN, legal aid won't help with custody or divorce.
?????
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Absolutely get a lawyer. Perhaps there are some there who will let you set out a payment plan. It's important that you know what your "rights" are.
Beyond that, my thoughts are to do whatever you need to do to support yourself and your children without help. Then, if you continue to get help, bonus, but if you do not then you can survive on your own. I fear you leave yourself open to financial manipulation otherwise.
My prayers go out for you and your children, this will be a difficult time but is one step out of the darkness and toward the light.
Hugs
Beyond that, my thoughts are to do whatever you need to do to support yourself and your children without help. Then, if you continue to get help, bonus, but if you do not then you can survive on your own. I fear you leave yourself open to financial manipulation otherwise.
My prayers go out for you and your children, this will be a difficult time but is one step out of the darkness and toward the light.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Book,
This might be a state-specific thing that only Tennesseans can help with....any out there? Are there local attorneys or women's groups or helping organizations that will -- while not handling a divorce -- counsel you on the possibilities?
Taking a semester or two off school to straighten out your life and free yourself from a destructive addict and this dependent situation is not a dishonorable thing. I'm sure you don't want to do it, but it will not be the end of the world.
Hugs,
GL
This might be a state-specific thing that only Tennesseans can help with....any out there? Are there local attorneys or women's groups or helping organizations that will -- while not handling a divorce -- counsel you on the possibilities?
Taking a semester or two off school to straighten out your life and free yourself from a destructive addict and this dependent situation is not a dishonorable thing. I'm sure you don't want to do it, but it will not be the end of the world.
Hugs,
GL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
Id call every family laweyer in your county and beg them all to meet with you and ask if theyd consider doing the matter pro bono (ie free). Its worth the effort.
Besides if youve met with every attorney in the area, it be a conflict of interest for any to represent him.(I always like that part)
Besides if youve met with every attorney in the area, it be a conflict of interest for any to represent him.(I always like that part)
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