What other people think
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
What other people think
"What other people think is none of my business."
That is one of the most difficult recovery concepts for me to wrap my brain around. After all, I am a Card Carrying Codie! I was raised to take care of everyone else. I was supposed to consider everyone else's feelings before my own. I was directly responsible for others' happiness, sorrow, successes and failures!
How odd to learn that I am not responsible for anyone elses' thoughts or feelings... just my own. What they think is what they think, and it's not up to me. Heck, it's often not even ABOUT me!
Once I GOT that, my life got better. I actually don't care what other people think ... at least most of the time.
Comments?
Cats
That is one of the most difficult recovery concepts for me to wrap my brain around. After all, I am a Card Carrying Codie! I was raised to take care of everyone else. I was supposed to consider everyone else's feelings before my own. I was directly responsible for others' happiness, sorrow, successes and failures!
How odd to learn that I am not responsible for anyone elses' thoughts or feelings... just my own. What they think is what they think, and it's not up to me. Heck, it's often not even ABOUT me!
Once I GOT that, my life got better. I actually don't care what other people think ... at least most of the time.
Comments?
Cats
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
And strangely, the best examples of how to "do" this... are the addicts and alcoholics in my life.
They ask for what they want/need... and really don't worry about what you think.
Even the sober ones!
It is good for me to look at them occassionally and realize that they get what they need because they ask for it. And they are often happy because they aren't worried about me.... they let God take care of me.
Amazing.
Thanks, Cat!
They ask for what they want/need... and really don't worry about what you think.
Even the sober ones!
It is good for me to look at them occassionally and realize that they get what they need because they ask for it. And they are often happy because they aren't worried about me.... they let God take care of me.
Amazing.
Thanks, Cat!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Amen, sister!! This was a hard one for people-pleasing me too, until I learned that I am what I am and not a reflection of what others think about me, expect of me, or try to manipulate about me.
It took a fair deal of recovery before I realized that just being me was more than good enough. Being the best person I can be and being true to myself was ALL that I needed to be. And even being a screw-up some days is okay with me today.
I don't like every single person I meet, I don't even like those I love every moment of every day. It's no longer important to me to be Miss Universe, loved by all for what THEY want of me.
To thine own self be true. That's what the back of my medallions all say.
Again, amen, sister. You've told it like it is.
Hugs
It took a fair deal of recovery before I realized that just being me was more than good enough. Being the best person I can be and being true to myself was ALL that I needed to be. And even being a screw-up some days is okay with me today.
I don't like every single person I meet, I don't even like those I love every moment of every day. It's no longer important to me to be Miss Universe, loved by all for what THEY want of me.
To thine own self be true. That's what the back of my medallions all say.
Again, amen, sister. You've told it like it is.
Hugs
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
This was HUGE for me, especially after I filed for divorce. I am a 'southern Baptist' and SO many of the people that I love and respect seem to think that divorce is simply not an option, period.
It was you, cats, that said these very words to me when I was on here stressing and awfulizing about "Mr. Clean", the community group leader who had befriended my ex and was telling others that I was 'wrong' to divorce him.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you again for saying this to me until I wrapped my codie brain around it!!
It was you, cats, that said these very words to me when I was on here stressing and awfulizing about "Mr. Clean", the community group leader who had befriended my ex and was telling others that I was 'wrong' to divorce him.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you again for saying this to me until I wrapped my codie brain around it!!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
For years I was trying to make sure people (especially my in-laws) thought I was a "good person" -
what great freedom when l realized they are going to think whatever they want to no matter what I do - so I might as well do what makes me happy & healthy!!
(Thanks to recovery - I'm a much happier person & they still don't have a clue-makes me a little sad for them)
Rita
what great freedom when l realized they are going to think whatever they want to no matter what I do - so I might as well do what makes me happy & healthy!!
(Thanks to recovery - I'm a much happier person & they still don't have a clue-makes me a little sad for them)
Rita
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I used to worry but I haven't in a long time EXCEPT for my husband and then the BF. What they might think was a HUGE thing.. I obsessed over it.
Well, both are gone and you know.. I don't give a rats butt what anyone thinks of me now.. well, I want my bosses to think well of me but that is based on work.
sooooo...
I just do what I want pretty much. I wear what I want to. I don't go out of my way to be offensive, but I don't stress over it either.
It is so freeing to just enter the world every day with the attitude of "Like it or not, here I am, guts, feathers, warts and all."
My cats and my dog think I am absolutely beautiful.. especially when I have their food in hand!
I don't need any affirmation beyond that.
Well, both are gone and you know.. I don't give a rats butt what anyone thinks of me now.. well, I want my bosses to think well of me but that is based on work.
sooooo...
I just do what I want pretty much. I wear what I want to. I don't go out of my way to be offensive, but I don't stress over it either.
It is so freeing to just enter the world every day with the attitude of "Like it or not, here I am, guts, feathers, warts and all."
My cats and my dog think I am absolutely beautiful.. especially when I have their food in hand!
I don't need any affirmation beyond that.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
Originally Posted by BigSis 
And strangely, the best examples of how to "do" this... are the addicts and alcoholics in my life.
They ask for what they want/need... and really don't worry about what you think.
It is good for me to look at them occassionally and realize that they get what they need because they ask for it.
They ask for what they want/need... and really don't worry about what you think.
It is good for me to look at them occassionally and realize that they get what they need because they ask for it.
Wow, isn't that the truth....that's a good point, Bigsis.
I just remind myself constantly not to stress on what others think...I just have to remind myself all the time.
Life is too short to live it based on what others think of you.
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Wow, you are so right, Cats! This used to be a major problem with me, also. I used to be so ashamed to even mention that my daughter was an addict.
But you know, after I got enough "recovery" under my belt and realized that it wasn't about "me", I find when I do mention it to people I meet and feel comfortable with, my story and experience seems to help them. They usually end up by telling me something they may never have told many others. It happens a lot. Sort of like the circle of life...
Hugs!
But you know, after I got enough "recovery" under my belt and realized that it wasn't about "me", I find when I do mention it to people I meet and feel comfortable with, my story and experience seems to help them. They usually end up by telling me something they may never have told many others. It happens a lot. Sort of like the circle of life...
Hugs!
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
I'm still a work in progress.
Remember, there is no such thing as "perfection" - we are always a work in progress! You are in good company, loves!
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