dixied

hi patriot,

you asked for advice and since I am a former educator i am going to let you know
what I have seen work in the past (to some degree).
If your brother is headed down this road someone who cares about him has seen it too. Perhaps a guidance counselor, teacher or coach. maybe his grades have slipped. Maybe his attendance isn't what it should have been. Go to the school and talk to the guidance counselor. Most schools have one and they are usually employed year round. Believe me you are not the first concerned family member they have seen in these days and times nor will you be the last. Ask them for resources, and names of programs.

Next you can find out the name of a church that has a good youth program. Usually there is some such dynamic force behind a thriving youth program. Seek out the leader of this program. Tell him your concerns and I bet he or she will offer you help and suggestions.

Lastly, after exploring these options I would not hesitate to call (and this is me speaking not you) child protective services. i might ask ANOTHER RESPONSIBLE RELATIVE TO BACK YOU UP! Perhaps they could offer him a place to stay or at least help you. IMHO if your mom is doing crank then how long will it be before your brother is traveling that road? And 20 year olds with 13 year olds is nothing but trouble and quite frankly I'd worry about sexual predators......believe me they can zero in on the helpless. Please think about what you are willing to do for your brother. I am afraid it will be all the way or nothing. And all the way is getting him out of that home. (please do not take offense) My best and my prayers are with you, dixie

bookmiser

(((((((Patriot)))))))

Sorry for the late welcome.
My 25 yo son is the addict in my life. I don't drink or do drugs, but I do smoke cigarettes. I know. I know. Stupid. lol
I am just amazed at you. You are such a great big brother and role model.
Will you be my son's little brother? I'll send you a plane ticket tomorrow. lol
Just kidding.
Everyone had great advice and input before me. I especially think Dixied has some great ideas. Go Dixied!
Whatever you decide, I know it will be the right decision for you and your brother.
I'm really sorry for the way you grew up too. That's what blows me away about you.
Through all that and you still grew up right. How'd that happen?
Stop in and let us know how you and your brother are doing.
Keep coming back for support, prayers, and hugs.
Linda

Patriot

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and compliments. I may be a good brother, but to me, I am just doing what any brother should try to do.

Here's an update:

I visited my brother today. He tried avoiding me as usual. He wouldn't even come out of his room or talk to me. He figured I would just give up and go home like a quitter, I guess.

I stayed around and kept pressuring him to come out and talk to me. He was yelling at me, and telling me to just go home from his room. I stayed persistent. I told him I wasn't a quitter and wasn't going anywhere until he just came out and talked with me. I told him I would leave only after I talked to him.

Finally he came out of his room and sat on the couch. But he was still being stubborn and wouldn't talk to me. He kept coming up with excuses for why he didn't want to talk to me.

I stayed persistent. I knew I could wear him down.

At last, hours after I had arrived, I got him talking. We actually had some dialog. He even started to open up to me a little and tell me about some problems he has with his parents, etc. He even started to tell me about his drug habits. I am fairly convinced now that has only uses marijuana regularly and has tampered with "mushrooms" once. Although, I think he lied about how much he uses marijuana. He says 2-3 times a week, I am thinking more like every single day.

Anyway, long story short, I tried to get him to spend some time with me. He resisted, coming up with a bunch of excuses for why he didn't want to. I told him I wanted to take him to do something for his birthday. By the way, he will be 14, not 13 in less than a week.

Even though I still need to get him to spend time with me, I feel like I made pretty good progress now. I am planning on going back there sometime this week and wearing him down some more until he just gives up and agrees to go spend some time with his brother. From there I will decide what to do next. I might be able to pull him away from his current lifestyle just by spending time with him regularly. I already told him I would be willing to take him to do things, and help him study when he starts up school again. I told him that I want to help him out, but he has to want to be helped. I used the "You can bring a horse to water..." analogy.


I am feeling more positive about the situation. I hope my story will help others in situations similar to mine. The best advice I can give anyone is just don't give up, be persistent, and try to wear them down. Make it easier for them to just give up than to put up with your pressure. I am a positive thinker and I think just about anyone can accomplish just about any goal they set if they focus and give a ton of effort.

Thanks for reading. Comments are appreciated.