When does the light bulb pop on?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: williston,fl
Posts: 35
When does the light bulb pop on?
I posted this in a previous reply on another thread and I still need answers...
When does the light bulb pop on?
My husband is an addict, drugs and alcohol, in denial. He spent 5 days in detox with an outcome of a cocaine and alcohol abuse diagnosis. However, his mother is in serious denial, saying that he only did it "once" and that he is not an addict.
Meanwhile, she is blaming me for our marital problems, keeping the kids from her and him and spreading gossip about her son. She is also enabling him by letting him live with her free and clear.
Hello!...He is currently going through treatment in an outpatient program. He attends 4 days a week for 3 hour sessions. She is well aware of that!!!!
All the blame is being placed on me...I sent him to detox...I sent him to rehab...I caused our family to break down, etc...etc..
When does she at least realize there is a problem?
I know that it is hard for parents to realize some truths about thier children. I am a mother too, but come on. Isn't the truth as real as black or white? Right or wrong? One time or hundreds of times? He is an addict with a problem.
When does the light bulb pop on?
My husband is an addict, drugs and alcohol, in denial. He spent 5 days in detox with an outcome of a cocaine and alcohol abuse diagnosis. However, his mother is in serious denial, saying that he only did it "once" and that he is not an addict.
Meanwhile, she is blaming me for our marital problems, keeping the kids from her and him and spreading gossip about her son. She is also enabling him by letting him live with her free and clear.
Hello!...He is currently going through treatment in an outpatient program. He attends 4 days a week for 3 hour sessions. She is well aware of that!!!!
All the blame is being placed on me...I sent him to detox...I sent him to rehab...I caused our family to break down, etc...etc..
When does she at least realize there is a problem?
I know that it is hard for parents to realize some truths about thier children. I am a mother too, but come on. Isn't the truth as real as black or white? Right or wrong? One time or hundreds of times? He is an addict with a problem.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
One thing that helped me with my AH's family was the understanding that they also had been affected by this disease - and more important than that was that
Just because someone says it, doesn't make it TRUE.
Just because she is saying you are the blame, doesn't mean that you are the blame. You know that is not true. You know the three C's.
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
Although, some of the actions of my AH's family still frustrates me, I count it a lot like some of the behaviors of the As in my life - sick people with a disease that are not working a program of recovery.
It helps me detach, set boundaries and take care of myself.
Sometimes, I just have to walk away, knowing that I know the truth on the inside and no matter what I could never convince them of the truth until they are ready to see it on their own.
Hope you are able to take good care of you,
Peace,
Rita
Just because someone says it, doesn't make it TRUE.
Just because she is saying you are the blame, doesn't mean that you are the blame. You know that is not true. You know the three C's.
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.
Although, some of the actions of my AH's family still frustrates me, I count it a lot like some of the behaviors of the As in my life - sick people with a disease that are not working a program of recovery.
It helps me detach, set boundaries and take care of myself.
Sometimes, I just have to walk away, knowing that I know the truth on the inside and no matter what I could never convince them of the truth until they are ready to see it on their own.
Hope you are able to take good care of you,
Peace,
Rita
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
My light bulb flickered for quite a while before it turned on 
To be honest, there was NOTHING that prepared me for the reality of drug addiction.
I thought his behaviour was the "normal immaturity" of teen years
I thought I really did lose things all the time (never thought he'd ever steal from me)
I thought he was irresponsible with money
I thought he had no work ethic
Even when my niece ratted him out...I thought she was lying to protect her own butt.
You'd think that at some point I'd have had the bulb turn on. I blamed the school district, his GF at one point, his friends, his dad and most of all me...everyone but him.
It took a trip to the ER...and OD, for me to realize what was happening.
It took even longer for me to understand...I'm not sure I really do even to this day.
It was not balck/white, right/wrong.
It just wasn't that simple for me.
((((hugs))))
Cece
To be honest, there was NOTHING that prepared me for the reality of drug addiction.
I thought his behaviour was the "normal immaturity" of teen years
I thought I really did lose things all the time (never thought he'd ever steal from me)
I thought he was irresponsible with money
I thought he had no work ethic
Even when my niece ratted him out...I thought she was lying to protect her own butt.
You'd think that at some point I'd have had the bulb turn on. I blamed the school district, his GF at one point, his friends, his dad and most of all me...everyone but him.
It took a trip to the ER...and OD, for me to realize what was happening.
It took even longer for me to understand...I'm not sure I really do even to this day.
It was not balck/white, right/wrong.
It just wasn't that simple for me.
((((hugs))))
Cece
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
It took me a long time to admit my daughter was an addict. Two year ago I was drug testing her because she had abused oxycontin. I then turned around and paid $6000 so that she could have some liposuction on her hips and stomach. They gave her Vicodin which refueled her addiction. I then co-signed a $5000 loan for her for college, which she and her then abf spent on more oxycontin. We sent her to rehab, she came out and I thought she was cured. I finally had my wake-up call when she took up with the crack addict downstairs from her. She was 19, smart and beautiful. He was 36, a loser and creepy. What did they have in common. They were addicts. That is when it became clear to me. She was an addict. So it sometimes takes being almost hit by a bolt of lightning to finally get it, but I did and his mom will too. She just is not ready yet. No one could have convinced me before I was ready and no one could have told me. I had to see it myself, I had to experience it myself. I will pray that she gets it before too long. Hugs, Marle
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