Interesting Reaction by me in a F2F meeting
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Interesting Reaction by me in a F2F meeting
I have missed going to meetings for just over a month. Just too much to do and I am doing it and LIKING my life this way.
However, I decided to go to a meeting last night. The meeting was as good as any I have been to.
However, I think I have changed. Where I used to feel in tune with everyone there and part of the group, last night I felt different. I felt I was not the same. I really felt I had little in common with my fellow AlAnon-ics.
I am not judging anyone here, lest you think that. If anything I am more introspective as to what has changed in ME and is this a good change or not a good change.
I shared at the meeting but I really didn't have much to add and I wasn't really "in tune" with the program. Certainly the steps are in my life every day for so many things. I am doing well. I have concerns about my lack of desire for a new relationship, but it doesn't especially worry me. I am content, at peace and truly enjoying life with a lot of people who are not in the program (tho I would not say they were 'normal' either... LOL).
I feel as if I have reverted to the person I was befoore I got married or involved with XABF.. this independent woman who did what she wanted to do... if that makes any sense?
I guess I am rambling here, but has this happened to any of you?
However, I decided to go to a meeting last night. The meeting was as good as any I have been to.
However, I think I have changed. Where I used to feel in tune with everyone there and part of the group, last night I felt different. I felt I was not the same. I really felt I had little in common with my fellow AlAnon-ics.
I am not judging anyone here, lest you think that. If anything I am more introspective as to what has changed in ME and is this a good change or not a good change.
I shared at the meeting but I really didn't have much to add and I wasn't really "in tune" with the program. Certainly the steps are in my life every day for so many things. I am doing well. I have concerns about my lack of desire for a new relationship, but it doesn't especially worry me. I am content, at peace and truly enjoying life with a lot of people who are not in the program (tho I would not say they were 'normal' either... LOL).
I feel as if I have reverted to the person I was befoore I got married or involved with XABF.. this independent woman who did what she wanted to do... if that makes any sense?
I guess I am rambling here, but has this happened to any of you?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hurricane Alley, Fl
Posts: 119
Sure ~
well, something along those lines.
There were certain meetings I went to early in alanon where I wasn't comfortable -- after a while, I became increasingly comfortable with those very meetings.
For me at least, everytime those tectonic plates in my brain begin to shift and readjust and learn, what I need want and expect from people/places/things also shifts a bit..... instead of vanilla-flavored alanon meetings, i was hankering for rocky-road.
See how everything in life comes down to ice cream?
Nitelite
well, something along those lines.
There were certain meetings I went to early in alanon where I wasn't comfortable -- after a while, I became increasingly comfortable with those very meetings.
For me at least, everytime those tectonic plates in my brain begin to shift and readjust and learn, what I need want and expect from people/places/things also shifts a bit..... instead of vanilla-flavored alanon meetings, i was hankering for rocky-road.
See how everything in life comes down to ice cream?
Nitelite
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Elana -
It definitely happened to me and it started years ago. I was so glad to be rid of "that" ex husband that qualified me for the anon rooms. I was so happy to go to a meeting and realize that I had absolutely nothing in common with everyone there. I was glad to return to my normal world and return to the strong and confident woman that I had been before my experience w/my ex. I threw out all of my "living with an addict" books and was 100% relieved that I was done with all of that.
Fast forward to now.....in hindsight, I wish that I had found an alanon meeting that really focused on the solution....I might have stuck around. My experience has been that once an anon always an anon. I unknowingly gravitated right back into relationships w/addicted people. I would check them all out, be absolutely sure that there were no red flags...and then presto! There I was - back at the bookstore buying all the same books. I think that I have done that 3 times now.
I have found a step study Alanon meeting and it's great....we almost never talk about anyone else other than ourselves. We talk about topics around the structure of the steps......resentments, anger, self-pity, guilt....things that pop up in life no matter who you are and who you are living with. This meeting is a program for living and a source of thought and growth. I think that is what is different. I want a meeting that focuses on me and not someone else. If it weren't for that meeting I'd probably have a hard time going. It keeps me emotionally sober.
I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say that I definitely have felt those feelings. My experience is that it was my codie disease talking to me.....telling me that I really wasn't "like that".....it just wanted to get me away from all of that so it could go and find another addict!
I don't know what to say about what to do. It was virtually impossible for me to find time for a meeting as I worked on my new life (after that ex). Wish that I had saved my books though! I also wished that I had continued to do a daily meditation reading and had a place like SR. I think that that would have made a big difference....just keeping a loose connection to recovery....kind of like a life line.
I'm definitely rambling.....it's interesting and I think that more people feel like you than don't. Sounds normal to me.
Love, Donna
It definitely happened to me and it started years ago. I was so glad to be rid of "that" ex husband that qualified me for the anon rooms. I was so happy to go to a meeting and realize that I had absolutely nothing in common with everyone there. I was glad to return to my normal world and return to the strong and confident woman that I had been before my experience w/my ex. I threw out all of my "living with an addict" books and was 100% relieved that I was done with all of that.
Fast forward to now.....in hindsight, I wish that I had found an alanon meeting that really focused on the solution....I might have stuck around. My experience has been that once an anon always an anon. I unknowingly gravitated right back into relationships w/addicted people. I would check them all out, be absolutely sure that there were no red flags...and then presto! There I was - back at the bookstore buying all the same books. I think that I have done that 3 times now.
I have found a step study Alanon meeting and it's great....we almost never talk about anyone else other than ourselves. We talk about topics around the structure of the steps......resentments, anger, self-pity, guilt....things that pop up in life no matter who you are and who you are living with. This meeting is a program for living and a source of thought and growth. I think that is what is different. I want a meeting that focuses on me and not someone else. If it weren't for that meeting I'd probably have a hard time going. It keeps me emotionally sober.
I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say that I definitely have felt those feelings. My experience is that it was my codie disease talking to me.....telling me that I really wasn't "like that".....it just wanted to get me away from all of that so it could go and find another addict!
I don't know what to say about what to do. It was virtually impossible for me to find time for a meeting as I worked on my new life (after that ex). Wish that I had saved my books though! I also wished that I had continued to do a daily meditation reading and had a place like SR. I think that that would have made a big difference....just keeping a loose connection to recovery....kind of like a life line.
I'm definitely rambling.....it's interesting and I think that more people feel like you than don't. Sounds normal to me.
Love, Donna
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I agree.. all of life comes down to Ice Cream.
I am not sure what was bothering me last night. I think one of the comments was that "this program is not a self improvement program.." Huh? wait a minute.. since working the program and accepting God etc. not only has my life improved, my reaction TO life has improved. Isn't that Self Improvement? NOT chasing after the Addict and NOT obsessing over someone else is NOT self Improvement?
Maybe I just don't GET it?
This group I go to is a good group. It really is.
However, some of the codie issues that many have (need to control being one) are issues I never had.. and they LOVE control. I consider control responsibility that is burdensome so I never got into control. I don't "love it." They wanted me to regularly chair meetings and, unlike my former codie self, I said NO. I don't want the control or the responsibility. Others really LOVE it.
There is also a certain amount of judgement that goes on (sometimes directed at me but often not)..
I have not tossed my books, and I won't. I come here to SR regularly and I will continue. I expect I will continue to go to Alanon unless it just ceases to work altogether for me, at which point I will need to do a bit more introspection or try other meetings etc.
I will continue to work the program because it does improve my life in other areas.
BTW I am not worried about any new relationships with Addicts or Non addicts. If I were asked out today I would say NO.
I am not sure what was bothering me last night. I think one of the comments was that "this program is not a self improvement program.." Huh? wait a minute.. since working the program and accepting God etc. not only has my life improved, my reaction TO life has improved. Isn't that Self Improvement? NOT chasing after the Addict and NOT obsessing over someone else is NOT self Improvement?
Maybe I just don't GET it?
This group I go to is a good group. It really is.
However, some of the codie issues that many have (need to control being one) are issues I never had.. and they LOVE control. I consider control responsibility that is burdensome so I never got into control. I don't "love it." They wanted me to regularly chair meetings and, unlike my former codie self, I said NO. I don't want the control or the responsibility. Others really LOVE it.
There is also a certain amount of judgement that goes on (sometimes directed at me but often not)..
I have not tossed my books, and I won't. I come here to SR regularly and I will continue. I expect I will continue to go to Alanon unless it just ceases to work altogether for me, at which point I will need to do a bit more introspection or try other meetings etc.
I will continue to work the program because it does improve my life in other areas.
BTW I am not worried about any new relationships with Addicts or Non addicts. If I were asked out today I would say NO.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
I hear that!!!! Nothing like life with an addict to sour you on wanting ANY kind of relationship.
There are times that I have needed to step back and take a break from meetings. I think that the main thing is to listen to yourself and do what is best for you.
Take care! Donna
There are times that I have needed to step back and take a break from meetings. I think that the main thing is to listen to yourself and do what is best for you.
Take care! Donna
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I've gone through phases like that... my main qualifier is sober, my life is better, I don't fit in with some that come into the meetings fresh pain all over the place.
Then I find myself being judgemental, or behaving like a victim, or feeling less than, or feeling pity for myself and I realize these are old feelings and old behaviors.
Is there a study group nearby? Finding a group that studies the Big Book (open AA meeting) or Survival to Recovery or Paths to Recovery or One Day at a Time in Alanon can be SOOOOoooo refreshing.
Each of those books is talking about the SOLUTION, not the problem.
If you can't find a study group - why not start one? It only takes two people to begin with.
I wish you well.
Then I find myself being judgemental, or behaving like a victim, or feeling less than, or feeling pity for myself and I realize these are old feelings and old behaviors.
Is there a study group nearby? Finding a group that studies the Big Book (open AA meeting) or Survival to Recovery or Paths to Recovery or One Day at a Time in Alanon can be SOOOOoooo refreshing.
Each of those books is talking about the SOLUTION, not the problem.
If you can't find a study group - why not start one? It only takes two people to begin with.
I wish you well.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Elana,
One thing I have learned about recovery is that everyone has their own journey and I think you are finding yours.
I am a card carrying member of Al Anon and I pray I'll never graduate because it has helped me so much. But I, like you, find myself not identifying with all the comments that are made in the room. Like the one you mentioned..."this is not a self help group"? Hmmm, my recovery and meetings are very much self help. So if I had heard that comment, I probably would have put that ole slogan on it..."take what you like and leave the rest" and would have definitely left that comment right there in that room.
I have another mother friend in Al Anon with me. When we talk after the meeting or on the phone the next day, I find it so amazing that the very thing that spoke to her in the meeting didn't even register with me. I think it all has to do with where we are in our recovery.
I'm with Big Sis. How about finding another meeting that fits you or do start your own. You have so much to give back, Elana. As we both know, you can't keep it unless you give it away.
Praying you'll find your nitch in recovery. Your HP will show you, I bet.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
One thing I have learned about recovery is that everyone has their own journey and I think you are finding yours.
I am a card carrying member of Al Anon and I pray I'll never graduate because it has helped me so much. But I, like you, find myself not identifying with all the comments that are made in the room. Like the one you mentioned..."this is not a self help group"? Hmmm, my recovery and meetings are very much self help. So if I had heard that comment, I probably would have put that ole slogan on it..."take what you like and leave the rest" and would have definitely left that comment right there in that room.
I have another mother friend in Al Anon with me. When we talk after the meeting or on the phone the next day, I find it so amazing that the very thing that spoke to her in the meeting didn't even register with me. I think it all has to do with where we are in our recovery.
I'm with Big Sis. How about finding another meeting that fits you or do start your own. You have so much to give back, Elana. As we both know, you can't keep it unless you give it away.
Praying you'll find your nitch in recovery. Your HP will show you, I bet.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We all grow and change as we get stronger in our recovery and there is nothing wrong with that.
The thought that went through my mind as I read your post is that maybe, just maybe something you shared touched someone who is struggling. Maybe the peace and serenity you have found shows, and maybe a newcomer that just arrived saw it and wants what you have.
I have a feeling that you were meant to be at that meeting, and I'm not insinuating that you should keep going if you feel something else would work for you. But God puts us where we are supposed to be and crosses our path with people we need to learn from or who might learn from us. Life is just like that and it's all a gift.
Hugs
The thought that went through my mind as I read your post is that maybe, just maybe something you shared touched someone who is struggling. Maybe the peace and serenity you have found shows, and maybe a newcomer that just arrived saw it and wants what you have.
I have a feeling that you were meant to be at that meeting, and I'm not insinuating that you should keep going if you feel something else would work for you. But God puts us where we are supposed to be and crosses our path with people we need to learn from or who might learn from us. Life is just like that and it's all a gift.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
My attendance at and need for meetings ebbs and flows with the times. I haven't been to a meeting in about a month due to various life events, and I can certainly TELL I haven't been. At times like these, I get into my readings more, and I try to spend more time here at SR. I need to be reinforced with others' experience, strength and hope. I need to read about others' struggles to put mine into perspective. I need to hear from the newcomers so I can see how far I've come. And I need to share, because I am only as sick as my secrets.
Thanks for the post, Elana~
Cats
Thanks for the post, Elana~
Cats
Bridge CLOSED
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Originally Posted by Ann 
The thought that went through my mind as I read your post is that maybe, just maybe something you shared touched someone who is struggling. Maybe the peace and serenity you have found shows, and maybe a newcomer that just arrived saw it and wants what you have.
Ann.. I have to say I did not see you at the meeting.. or did you have the Codie Radar and detection installed and operating at the meeting?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Ann.. I have to say I did not see you at the meeting.. or did you have the Codie Radar and detection installed and operating at the meeting?
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
SEE ELANA..........!!!!!!!!?????
The meeting might not have provided exactly what you were wanting or needing that night, but you SURE PROVIDED what some other struggling person needed.
THAT, MY DEAR, is what recovery is all about. And I bet you that one day when that woman is where you are, she will tell the story about the woman who was so inspirational to her. Do you realize the difference you are making in her life?
I am always so honored and humbled when anyone says that some recovery thing I've said meant something to them. I'm just amazed by that, that I've at least come far enough to say something that will help someone else. THAT IF A GIFT OF RECOVERY FROM MY HP! I go to meetings so I can keep sane. But I also go to meetings because I know someone might be there who is hurting like I was when I walked through those doors nearly 5 years ago. And I want those people to know there IS a better way to live...for me, at least.
Big hugs to you Elana for sharing your recovery.
And what about that Ann.? That woman has STP...or ESP...or whatever!
The meeting might not have provided exactly what you were wanting or needing that night, but you SURE PROVIDED what some other struggling person needed.
THAT, MY DEAR, is what recovery is all about. And I bet you that one day when that woman is where you are, she will tell the story about the woman who was so inspirational to her. Do you realize the difference you are making in her life?
I am always so honored and humbled when anyone says that some recovery thing I've said meant something to them. I'm just amazed by that, that I've at least come far enough to say something that will help someone else. THAT IF A GIFT OF RECOVERY FROM MY HP! I go to meetings so I can keep sane. But I also go to meetings because I know someone might be there who is hurting like I was when I walked through those doors nearly 5 years ago. And I want those people to know there IS a better way to live...for me, at least.
Big hugs to you Elana for sharing your recovery.
And what about that Ann.? That woman has STP...or ESP...or whatever!
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Whenever I go to a meeting,
I always hear something
I need to hear at the time.
Whether it's a response from a member,
or a topic, it's
like someone is reading my thoughts,
and knows exactly what I need at that
hour in time.
For me, attending Alanon has given
me priceless tools to help me grow.
Not just by using those tools to help me
get through a bumpy lump in the road,
but to use daily.
I would love to join a study group but
I'm never in one place long enough..
I always hear something
I need to hear at the time.
Whether it's a response from a member,
or a topic, it's
like someone is reading my thoughts,
and knows exactly what I need at that
hour in time.
For me, attending Alanon has given
me priceless tools to help me grow.
Not just by using those tools to help me
get through a bumpy lump in the road,
but to use daily.
I would love to join a study group but
I'm never in one place long enough..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
The meeting Ive started focuses on us ourselves and how we reacxt to every day problems. To be honest there are many people who Im not quite sure if the addict was parent, child or spouse or all of the above, or if they are still around.
Funny it was the only one that fit my schedule but its exactly what I need
Funny it was the only one that fit my schedule but its exactly what I need
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
I didn't go to my meeting monday nite. I had the baby and it is just too distracting. I miss it. Right now I really feel I need a meeting. My AD on the other hand has to go to 2 meetings a week to keep her restricted license, stopped by here last nite to visit Xander, told me I was losing too much weight and needed to stop, and said that its much easier now without the baby to go to HER MEETINGS....as you can tell, I am feeling overwhelmed resentful, angry, and exhausted. I NEED A MEETING...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
