Amy2

I'm really new to this, was referred here by a friend. I'm not sure even if the person in question is a drug user, but some friends and family members seem to think he is. The person I'm suspecting is my ex. We've been divorced quite a while, and we have small children. The signs of drug use, from what I know, can mimic depression, which is what I thought he had: irritability, mood swings, weight loss. Since we are divorced, I obviously am unable to observe too much. I recently found out he has taken up with a woman whom I know to be a drug user. My concern is my children, of course. I have no proof that he's using drugs, and I really know nothing about drugs anyway. What should I be looking for? And how can I protect my kids?

Amy

teke

hey amy, don't know if i've met you before so welcome, i think that your kids will be ok as long as they don't have to be exposed to his addiction or addictive behavior. you've already described what sounds like symptoms and if the woman that he's involved with is an addict then it may be likely that he maybe effected by addiction if he's not addicted himself.

i understand your concern, but addiction can't hide itself for ever, so maybe you'll know sooner rather than later. what does your gut tell you, they say that if it acts like a duck, looks like a duck then maybe its a duck. keeping you and yours in my prayers

rayofsunshine

Welcome to SR, Amy. Stick around and read as many posts as you can. I was so naive about addiction when I first got here, and have learned so much, and continue to learn from all the posters here who have been through or are going through a loved one with addiction.

atalose

How young are your children and how often does he see them? Does he have them on weekends?

cinderellawkids

Does he miss visits with kids, show up late or drop them off early? Those things would be a clue somethings not right, especially if he's not always been that way

Amy2

Thanks for your quick responses. I also am very naive. I guess I've led a very sheltered life, have never even been around pot smokers. I never even suspected drugs until a friend, who sees a lot in his job (law) mentioned it.

Amy

Amy2

My kids are 6 and 8. My ex sees them on the weekends, and a few times a month he will take them for an afternoon/evening during the week. He never takes them overnight. Sometimes he'll bring them home early, or keep them late, but only by an hour or so. I always attributed it to a control issue, that is, he wants me to be sitting at home, waiting on him.

Amy

cinderellawkids

Has he been getting extra moody with the kids? I think is he is using in progresion you'll see a change in pattern

atalose

My ex also used the kids to attempt to control me. If I was not at home when he decided he was going to bring them home (what ever time that would be) he got very angry. Finaly I told him to always bring the kids home to my mothers house that way someone would always be there to receive them. That also pissed him off because I took the control of him having me sit home waiting on him away from him.
Like cinderellawkids said, watch for changes in his pattern and behavior it's a good indicator of his increasing usage.
Have you ever felt your kids may be unsafe while with him?

carl250r

you can't allways tell .

but these are somethings that some people will do.

moods like extream moods like way to happy for nothing or way to low and sad and with a rough sounding voice like there going to die.

court dates, they often have legal trouble,traffic tickets, failure to apear in court trouble,violation of probation, all sorts of little stupid problems all the time.they will give as much money to the dope man as they will the cops.

allways something wrong with them.like my back hurts,my arm hurts,my head hurts,my butt hurts you name it. I tore my watchamacall it. these people will sound like a doctor.and it is allways something it is never nothing. then the next day they will be jumping around talking to damn much like a idiot .

car trouble all the time. these people will not do any maintenace to a car they fix them as they go. they will not change belts,batterys,tires,coolant,hoses,spark plugs,fuel filters ,,nothing. never have a full tank of gas.
they will lock there keys in there car several time a year also.some times once a month.

will not return stuff they barrow.

you could not posibly think of anything they could help you with and they allways need others help.

collecting garbage.the yard looks like sanford and sons.they drag home junk to keep.they try to sell you on how cool some piece of junk or bad idea is also.

lie about stuff they could easyly just tell the truth about. like dumb stuff that don't matter eather way,and you know it's a lie.

misenterpret allmost every damn thing you say.

believe in aleans and think they have seen ghost

grown man on a kids bike or girls bike


late to lots of stuff.

go from job to job

it is allways some bodys fault for everything else

5000 dollar rims on a 500 dollar car

bob marley poster in your kids room

cant sit or stand still and will not shut up.

i am tired of writing

Louise54

Wow, your post sounded really familiar. You hit the nail on the head with every category there. In a sick way, it kind of made me chuckle. I sure know what you mean. Thanks for a great post.