oneeyeopen

Yup, credit card bill time...and a STRONG reminder of how STUPID I have been with my good credit by giving money to my abf.

I can get so so so so pissed off whenever I think about things like ... I sit here eating hotdogs for dinner since I have only 20 bucks until payday and that was in the freezer, and the reason -- because he stopped payment on a check he gave me that I had deposited because it was going to bounce since it didn't clear fast enough and he went and spent money on you know what.

I think that the money issue is going to be what clinches the end of this relationship for me. I can't stand that he doesn't at least make token payments to me, and that basically, stealing money from me is equivalent to stealing the food out of my kid's mouth.

It is awful that money gets in the way of a relationship. I just hate that I have this debt, and that he does nothing to help me pay it. I have no expectations of him ever forking over a single dime to help pay it off at this point. It is all on my head, and a monthly reminder to BE MORE CAREFUL in the future.

I just can not imagine continuing a relationship with this man and feeling this ongoing anger at my impoverished state while he spends all his money on drinking and drugs.

His canceling that check was like the straw that broke the camel's back. He says it is because his account would be closed if he bounced the check, says nothing about giving me money another way, and I think to myself "what about my kid being fed?" But his needs are his most important thing and I must say, I wish I had that kind of single-minded self-centeredness since I would never have put his needs ahead of mine if I did.

We could learn a lot from the addict's behavior. If only us codies were as selfish then we would have our very own codependent who we could get to do everything for us. HA, any volunteers for me??? want to "loan" me money or pick me up when I am sick or pay my bills???

Brownie

Hi oneeyeopen! Hello from mom of AD. What a great idea for us codies to have our very own codependent! I wonder how many offers you are going to get - so funny. No fun for you with an ABF and hungry kids - money issues can be real argument starters - I envy the couples that took counselling before marriage and settled issues before they raised their ugly heads. Never never NEVER give up - hang in there.

GiveLove

This isn't money getting in the way of a relationship.
This is a good person with integrity (that would be you) being sick and tired of being in a relationship with someone (that would be him) who no longer has an honest or honorable bone in his body, and therefore is willing to let the jackals take you and your kid before honoring his commitment to you. Because of addiction or because that's just who he's become, doesn't matter....you get the short end of the stick either way, and I'm so sorry about that, oneeye.

But to say that money's getting in the way isn't quite right. That would be like you're both just having a little financial difficulty making ends meet, and you're arguing about how to spend the little cash you've got.

What THIS is is theft. He stole it from you (took it without the smallest intention of giving it back...which is stealing last time I checked). I remember when you told us that too -- that you gave him the money insisting that he write you a check for it. And I remember thinking "A check??? Girlfriend, you better get you some of them dead presidents instead. A check means nothing." Many addicts are thieves, and your tolerance for thieves has just gone down quite a bit lately.

Live and learn, like you said.
I'll have hot dogs tonight too, in solidarity with you!!

GL

teke

i'm sorry too oneeye, i know how betrayed you must feel afterall you still have to take care of yourself and the kids. been there done that, let it be a lesson learned, he'll probably ask you again. you'll probably get passed this, so maybe its time for you to be more prepared the next time he ask you for help. time to look out for you and your kids, he'll find a way to take care of him self if you don't. keeping you and yours in my prayers

Cecilia

What a jerk. Somebody whack him with the skillet for me. My smilies dont work

This wont help you now but you might want to keep it in mind for later. I used to deal with lots of checks when we had our antique business. if you go to their bank to cash the check its just like they wrote it for cash. The bank takes it out of their account immediately. Some banks will charge you a fee if you dont have an account with them. I think the fee is around $8. I would check with his bank to see if this is true for your state. If it is I would ask for another check. if youre quick you might get this one cashed.


Make sure you keep the original check its your signed proof that he owes you in case you decide to take him to small claims court later.