rozied

My AS must have called me 3 times yesterday. The first time he tells me he was to a GA meeting. I really don't believe him. In the last call he tells me he is facing 10 to 20 if he doesn't pay his credit union $200 by Friday. Then he says I know it is my problem & I'll deal with it but I can't help but think he told me with the hope I would help or I would tell my parents & my mom would help. I am not telling anyone. It really upset me but I know I can't help him.
It is so very hard to hear about these things. I can't help but think he has to have serious psychiatric problems as he never learns. He says he never wants to go bk to jail yet he continues to do things that will surely put him back there. WHY??? It truly is breaking my heart.
Love,
Diane

Ann

Diane, you are doing the right thing by letting him figure out a way to take responsibility for himself or live the consequences. We both know that if you bail him out of this trouble, it will just set the course for his next move and his next.

Letting them find their own way, even if it leads to jail, is one way of getting out of God's way and letting him find his consequences and set his sails on a better course.

Yup, it hurts and it's scary, but we're holding your hand and walking with you.

Hugs

dollydo

That's a new one, 10-20 for not paying 200.00 to a credit union.

You already know he is trying to manipulate you, and dear god how could he even think about his grandparents giving him the money, after what he just pulled.

The HP has a master plan for him, let the plan unfold.

Hands off the addict.

We are here for you.

teke

i agree with ann, i know it so hard to not step in and help, but she is right, it will probably only be a something else the next time. sorry that you are dealing with this, keeping you and yours in my prayers

rozied

Thank you Ann, I KNOW its the right & only thing to do. I am starting to think I should get my rear to a face to face meting. I did call the place where we had been going to counseling last yr & we are first on the list. Dealing with all of this alone is just too hard. Everytime I talk to him all it does is upset me. I am tired of feeling sick because of his behaviour.

Love,
Diane

rozied

Dolly & Teke, Thank you also. Dolly it is not $200 but $3,800 or $2,800 not sure which ( I guess I forgot to mention that part of the story with everything else going on ) but it doesn't matter to me anyway. If you can write bad ckecks without thinking of the consequences you deserve whatever you get. It is up to him to figure it out. It boggles my mind that a 40 yr old that has just spent 5 yrs in & out of jail could do such a foolish thing.
Love,
Diane

Ann

Diane, this post just oozes with recovery thinking. Whether you know it or not, you have come such a long way already and are taking action to put yourself in a better place.

I promise you that it will get better, you will get better, just stay on the path and know that we're walking with you.

More Hugs

Elana

Hi!
Just letting you know you have the right thinking on going to F2F meetings. I like the group I go to.. it is small.. don't know if you can find the same. Of course, there are drawbacks with small groups in that we all get to know each other really well.. which can also be very good.

The benefits of talking to people who are going thru the same thing is really enlightening.

I know that w/o SR and F2F meetings I w2ould still be wallowing in the misery of my XABF leaving and whining, "Why? I gave him my best.. WHY did he leave?"

Now I know. He is an addict. He refuses to face recovery. He thinks those who go to recovery are weak. He uses and manipulates every one for his own benefit (or is it detriment?) to stay his addicted course complete with drugs.

And he didn't care who he used or who he hurt as long as he got what he wanted out of them.

Actions = consequences. The rest of us learn this. Addicts do not because they seem to always find someone who will support them.

rozied

Mr Rozied & I went to an Al-Anon mtg about 3 mts ago. It was a rather large group & I could not tell if I liked it or not after only one mtg. How I wish there was a Nar-Anon mtg near me. a friend of mine told me this woman we know is starting a group for parents of addicted children. Her own daughter was on the tv show Intervention a few mts ago. Her daughter was a HS teacher who went to HS with all my sons. Her DOC was heroin & she would go on her lunch break from teaching gym & shot up in her car. It was awful to watch. She did go to a rehab as a result of the intervention & is doing well the last I heard. Has anyone in our group ever had one of those interventions? I have thought about doing one to my AS.
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Love,
Diane

parentrecovers

try a few more meetings, rozied - if there are different groups in your area, try different meetings? they really help me, and my husband. we found a wed night group that has really been a godsend for us. blessings, k

rozied

Thanks so much K we will. We had been going to counseling & then about 3 mts ago we thought we could stop. Obviously not, I called her last wk & there is a waiting list but we r first. I am going to get out my Al-Anon list & look for some other mtgs. It is really too hard to do this without some face to face help.

hope213

rozied,i am sorry he is calling you & telling you all of this.i was with my a.s. today & he was telling me how he hated where he was living & who he is living with. it is hard for us to hear these things. i will say a prayer for your son & for you too.we r powerless.

rozied

Hi K & Hope, Thanks for your support. Hope I am really sorry your AS is also calling you & telling you things that upset you. I also will be praying for you & your AS.
Love,
Diane
PS Ann I love your Avitar!

marle

Rozied The last time I saw my daughter she had three burn marks on her chest. Told me the abf accidently burned her with his cigarette. Told me that he called her awful names and left her alone in the motel room day after day while he went to get drugs. That was hard to see and hear, yet one month later she told me she is doing really good and for me not to worry. So I know that even though she is in an abusive situation, it is because he is the one that gives her the drugs and until she finds her situation so miserable that she is willing to do something about it, she is going to stay there. That is why I don't call or see her. Each time things are worse and she is still not willing to get help. I don't need to see her destroy herself and she knows that other than a ride to rehab she is getting nothing from us. It sometimes is better to not be involved, especially when the addict is not willing to get help. I know that if I were still seeing my daughter, I would probably not be able to sleep at night. Not seeing her makes all the difference. She has the right to lead the life she wants to and I have the right to lead the life I want to. I want to lead mine without active addiction being a daily part of it. I hope you get to some meetings or to counselling. The one thing that I have learned is that even when my daughter gets into recovery, I will not leave here. I did that once too a year ago when she had some clean time. I am glad that I had a place to come back to or I probably would not be here now. Hugs, Marle

Barbdee

Di, sorry I haven't been around lately. You already got the best advice around, so just here to say call me if you need to talk.
And to send some prayers and hugs.
Much love, Barb

amnesia57

I can relate to the phone calls. It surprises me when other parents on this board say that they don't know where their addict son/daughter is or if he/she is dead or alive. We know where our addict son is every minute because he literally will not leave us alone. The phone rings and rings and rings, and it's always him -- bullying us, begging us, badgering us, spinning out some implausible story about why he needs money (or as he calls it, MUNNNey) right NOW.

At least he's not in jail at the moment so the calls aren't collect.

nytepassion

Diane,

He must fall all by himself - If he is facing time it isn't anything you did or didn't do .. by his hand he made the mess ... by his hand he needs to clean it up ... when the pain our addiction far outreaches the pleasure - it is then we look to change

Passion

cinderellawkids

That is so true. My AH and ABIL have been cut off by me and their mom and sister. First time we are all standing united. AH has been out of my home , but in our old home for almost 4 week (on Friday) The contact has been limited and noone has seen either in a week. The last time he came to my house I called the police, teh last time they tried to use his siss phone she said no and locked the door. Even MIL wouldnt let BIL in the house when he showed up last Wednesday.

There power is being shut off this week (cut off date was yesterday) Same with the water, but its up to them to change, this is truly the only way. They too have both been in and out of jail numerous times over the last few years, yet nothing changes.

Hang in there. I know MIL had to stop taking calls she just couldnt listen anymore