Son is struggling with being home from rehab
krhea75
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Son is struggling with being home from rehab
Hey gang,
My AS has been home since Monday from rehab. As far as I know he is not using, but he is really having trouble fitting back in. School has already called because he has been late for class repeatedly. He lied to me about who he is hanging out with. Said it was a sober friend,but I found out it was someone else. He left without my permission. He has been attending AA every day and has a sponsor, but he is floundering. He went to spend the week-end with his father so I am having a break. One thing I am realizing is that I am better able to detach from his chaos. This week-end I am just doing things I want, relaxing and trying not to stress about it. But i was wondering if any of you had any advice that have been in a similar situation. I feel like I am walking a fine line between keeping an eye on him and being overprotective and letting him find his own way in this recovery jungle. He was supposed to go to an outpatient program here in town, but they don't have enough teen-agers to do that so they just want to see him once a week for individual counseling.
krhea
My AS has been home since Monday from rehab. As far as I know he is not using, but he is really having trouble fitting back in. School has already called because he has been late for class repeatedly. He lied to me about who he is hanging out with. Said it was a sober friend,but I found out it was someone else. He left without my permission. He has been attending AA every day and has a sponsor, but he is floundering. He went to spend the week-end with his father so I am having a break. One thing I am realizing is that I am better able to detach from his chaos. This week-end I am just doing things I want, relaxing and trying not to stress about it. But i was wondering if any of you had any advice that have been in a similar situation. I feel like I am walking a fine line between keeping an eye on him and being overprotective and letting him find his own way in this recovery jungle. He was supposed to go to an outpatient program here in town, but they don't have enough teen-agers to do that so they just want to see him once a week for individual counseling.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
you and your son will be in my thoughts.
No words of wisdom here, just thinking that I have learned over time that if I feel off or odd about my husband ..........ultimately I have always been right.
And last time he relapsed, I spoke to his therapist and told him how stupid I felt, how I saw signs and didnt heed them..........but the therapist asked me did you try to bring up the little concerns to him and I said yes but he was able to somehow make me think he was ok and I started thinking it was just me being over worried.
So anyhow the therapist asked me ........if in the future if I have feelings or concerns to please call him and tell him, not to try to address them with my husband he said.........
because you are to close and he will not be able to reconize the behaviors if it comes from you he would be defensive or what have you but that he ( the therapist) really believes that family expecially close family have a special connection that allows us to see the signs unfortunately we also discount them because we want so much not to be right that we are able to be easily convinced its nothing.................and he wants me to tell him so he can try to help AH see the signs for himself so maybe he will learn to reconize the pattern and prevent any relapse
I dont know if this helps or not...just whats happened with us.
Good luck, I have been following your story and I know how much you are hoping for your son to make it............
No words of wisdom here, just thinking that I have learned over time that if I feel off or odd about my husband ..........ultimately I have always been right.
And last time he relapsed, I spoke to his therapist and told him how stupid I felt, how I saw signs and didnt heed them..........but the therapist asked me did you try to bring up the little concerns to him and I said yes but he was able to somehow make me think he was ok and I started thinking it was just me being over worried.
So anyhow the therapist asked me ........if in the future if I have feelings or concerns to please call him and tell him, not to try to address them with my husband he said.........
because you are to close and he will not be able to reconize the behaviors if it comes from you he would be defensive or what have you but that he ( the therapist) really believes that family expecially close family have a special connection that allows us to see the signs unfortunately we also discount them because we want so much not to be right that we are able to be easily convinced its nothing.................and he wants me to tell him so he can try to help AH see the signs for himself so maybe he will learn to reconize the pattern and prevent any relapse
I dont know if this helps or not...just whats happened with us.
Good luck, I have been following your story and I know how much you are hoping for your son to make it............
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
I know your son is much younger, still in school so not sure if this will be of any help.
When RAS got out of rehab the first (and subsequent) times, he felt alienated, alone, depressed. All he knew were his friends that used.
This time, I believed what got him through the beginning was living with 7 other addicts in a sober environment. Never alone, and only being with guys that understood. And completely cutting off all contact with old friends, places, etc.
It's a sad state of affairs when we all know that school is NOT a very sober environment, so I'm not sure what you can do about that unless you can afford a private school to keep him away from old friend "users".
The other thing that helped RAS was helping other addicts stay sober. It took his attention off of himself.
Sorry, I can't be more helpful, but hopefully you might get some ideas from this.
Enjoy your weekend...you certainly deserve a break!
Hugs, Barb
When RAS got out of rehab the first (and subsequent) times, he felt alienated, alone, depressed. All he knew were his friends that used.
This time, I believed what got him through the beginning was living with 7 other addicts in a sober environment. Never alone, and only being with guys that understood. And completely cutting off all contact with old friends, places, etc.
It's a sad state of affairs when we all know that school is NOT a very sober environment, so I'm not sure what you can do about that unless you can afford a private school to keep him away from old friend "users".
The other thing that helped RAS was helping other addicts stay sober. It took his attention off of himself.
Sorry, I can't be more helpful, but hopefully you might get some ideas from this.
Enjoy your weekend...you certainly deserve a break!
Hugs, Barb
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Krhea
I too have been following your story (possibly because I've lived a variation of it)
I wish I had solid positive advice for you ....
I know the bulk of wisdom and advice is to keep hands off the addict and to let them find their own recovery
your son is young....perhaps intervention here could mean the difference between a life of recovery or addiction...
one thing is true...nothing changes if nothing changes...and that usually means people places and things as well as attitude...
if your son returns to life as it was lived pre rehab he will eventually slide back...first by using something less dangerous or potent than his doc....(Hey...it was just a joint, just a beer etc...)
if he is open about communicating his discomfit about fitting in that's a good sign...
knowing now what I didn't know then makes me suggest long term....
a facility where he can live in a sober environment with structure and support (hopefully finishing school) and gaining strength to live sober in a world that is anything but sober (filled with both legal and illegal drugs....)
it is hard for them to do that!
if it wasn't hard we'd have a lot more success stories
relapse is part of recovery but that doesn't make it acceptable and it is so dangerous....my son's overdose and near death experience resulted in part because he had been clean for awhile and his body wasn't ready for the dosage that he used!
if your son is receptive I'd start looking into long term solutions...sober house for young adults etc...
christian based programs are availabe (google)
please know i am praying for you and your son...
I too have been following your story (possibly because I've lived a variation of it)
I wish I had solid positive advice for you ....
I know the bulk of wisdom and advice is to keep hands off the addict and to let them find their own recovery
your son is young....perhaps intervention here could mean the difference between a life of recovery or addiction...
one thing is true...nothing changes if nothing changes...and that usually means people places and things as well as attitude...
if your son returns to life as it was lived pre rehab he will eventually slide back...first by using something less dangerous or potent than his doc....(Hey...it was just a joint, just a beer etc...)
if he is open about communicating his discomfit about fitting in that's a good sign...
knowing now what I didn't know then makes me suggest long term....
a facility where he can live in a sober environment with structure and support (hopefully finishing school) and gaining strength to live sober in a world that is anything but sober (filled with both legal and illegal drugs....)
it is hard for them to do that!
if it wasn't hard we'd have a lot more success stories
relapse is part of recovery but that doesn't make it acceptable and it is so dangerous....my son's overdose and near death experience resulted in part because he had been clean for awhile and his body wasn't ready for the dosage that he used!
if your son is receptive I'd start looking into long term solutions...sober house for young adults etc...
christian based programs are availabe (google)
please know i am praying for you and your son...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
we are powerless. you can do only so much.it is hard for you i know but remember the 3c's. turn him over to your H.P. pray for him & encourage him.it will be hard for him because he does have to see the kids he used with on a day to day basic.i am praying for him & you too.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((krhea)))))))
Just wanted to send my love and support your way today.
I know this is rough for you.
When their gone, you worry.
When their home, you worry.
Stay strong in your boundries. You may have to be a biotch for a while,
to let him know your serious.
Sending prayers out to you both for strength.
Love ya,
Just wanted to send my love and support your way today.
I know this is rough for you.
When their gone, you worry.
When their home, you worry.
Stay strong in your boundries. You may have to be a biotch for a while,
to let him know your serious.
Sending prayers out to you both for strength.
Love ya,
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
Does your son have any interests, like sports or music, that you could get him involved with? My kids are not addicts (knock wood) but they're still kids, and the thought of having to give up their friends and make all new ones is akin to torturing them in their minds. It may not be the solution, but if there is some type of organized activity for teens in your area that would interest him, it might be worth the costs to get him involved in it, and give him the opportunity to make some new acquaintances.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i don't have too much advice either, youre son is so young, you have to do what you have to do for you, whatever you find that to be. i kind of life liesagain's suggestion, maybe you could talk to his therapist and let him know your concerns, i know that because its me, my ah can not receive my help when i sometimes can actually see him setting himself up for relapse.
i'm keeping both of you in my prayers
i'm keeping both of you in my prayers
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
What are the consequences if he is using again? Another trip back to inpatient?
That is what we had set up for our daughter... she ended up doing 3 or 4 inpatient rehabs... each time, she learned a little more (and so did I).
The thing that saved my sanity during this time was doubling up on my Alanon meetings... I went to AT LEAST three a week.
(((hugs)))
That is what we had set up for our daughter... she ended up doing 3 or 4 inpatient rehabs... each time, she learned a little more (and so did I).
The thing that saved my sanity during this time was doubling up on my Alanon meetings... I went to AT LEAST three a week.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
Although I don't have great advice, I wanted to send hugs and prayers!
I do have one suggestion though...maybe your son could find some better friends by getting involved in after school activities... does he have any interests? Theater, sports etc? Maybe that would be a good way for him to meet some new people who are better role models?
Good Luck, we will be thinking and praying for you!
daisy
I do have one suggestion though...maybe your son could find some better friends by getting involved in after school activities... does he have any interests? Theater, sports etc? Maybe that would be a good way for him to meet some new people who are better role models?
Good Luck, we will be thinking and praying for you!
daisy
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