Grits

I am new to this. I sit here and I read posts from everyone with tears streaming down my face. I cry because I feel the pain and the hurt of everyone and myself. My DH is the A. His drug of choice is pain pills and anything that will help him sleep at night. He has already gone through the Methodone clinic to get off of pills and has done his time at rehab. He is now on Suboxone and Seroquel. This battle has been going on for 3 years. Today I am not quite sure what he has taken. I think that it started last night. He kept me up all night because "HE" could not sleep. NO concern for the fact that I have to get up at 3:45 am to get ready for work. He had a doctors appoinment today and all I know is that the Doctor and the nurse brought him home because he was in no shape to drive.(he can't keep his eyes open) He will not admit to taking anything. I did the only thing I knew to do. Called his dad,told him what was going on and hid all the car keys so that he could not drive. I am just at a loss because it hurts me so bad to see this going on. I wonder on some days what I should do. I am still at the point that I want to try. I knew him before he was an addict and sometimes I still catch a glimpse of that man. The one that I fell in love with. He was wonderful. Now he is untrusting and undependable. God, why do I love him so much?
I guess that all I have written is just a big rambling mess. That is how a feel today. A mess.
Thanks everyone for listening to this sad girl today.

dollydo

Welcome,

Addiction is a progessive disease, it generally get worse before it gets better. Until the user admits they have a problem, and, seeks recovery there really is nothing you can do.

Have you been to meetings? What are you doing for you?

Keep in mind, he will always be an addict, it's just a matter of whether he is active or not...that's it.

Others will be here to meet & greet you, lots of wonderful people here. Keep coming back, support others, we are all in this mess together and looking for the same answers.

teke

hi grits, welcome to sr, glad to meet you but hate the circumstances. the addict in my life is my husband. sorry that you are in pain and i do understand. you are not alone here, there are a lot of caring understanding folks here. dolly is right, there is nothing you can do and it is not your fault, you may have to conjur up a plan to save your own sanity and allow husband to do the same. sorry that this is happening but addiction is a powerful force and this is something that your husband will have to choose to do for himself. keeping you and your in my prayers.

cece1960

Welcome Grits,
Its sad to see the ones we love get taken down by addiction.
And its very common for us who love them to get taken down with the whole mess.
Protect yourself from harm...go to meetings, read around here...learn about you and what you can and can't do, what you will and won't do, and that YOU are important in all of this.
You'll meet a lot of great people here who understand...many more than I (my addict is my son).
But the best thing about all of this is that you can come out the other side better, and happier, regardless of what he chooses to do.
Again, welcome
((((hugs))))
Cece

krhea75

Oh sweetie, I am sorry for your pain. It's good that you have come here to get help, advice and support. I have been where you are, my son is my addict, currently in rehab for the fourth time. Sounds like you could use a hug and a push to get started on figuring out what is best for you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Read the sticky, "What addicts do." Be strong, little one.
krhea

tropikgal2

(((Grits)))) So sorry you are hurting, gal. There is, unfortunately, nothing you can do to make him see what a mess he is. He will have to see it for himself. Sleep is a BIG issue with recovering addicts. My addict is my husband and when he was actively using, even though it was opiates, he never could sleep right.(opiates really whack out your brain chemistry) Plus he would have anxiety attacks. When he got out of detox/rehab they had him on Seroquel, Ambilify, and Rozerem. He quit the Ambilify (sp?) because it gave him wicked nightmares. The seroquel he was weaned off of and now he only has to take a Rozerem now and then. He takes just a plain ol' beta-blocker for his heart and it totally has taken care of his anxiety attacks. Plus heart problems run in his family, so probably good for him to take it.
If he is really serious about getting off all drugs completely there are sleep disorder clinics, just do the research and get a good one...not just a "candy
store" for addicts.

britgael

Hi, it is lousy that anyone needs this forum but thank God that it is here. The wonderful people here at SR kept me sane through all my crying and depression after finding out that my wife was addicted to prescription pain meds. I found out about her addiction 2 wks. before Christmas when the police came to our house because she was forging scripts from the doctor that she worked for, oh how exciting that was. I don't live on SR like I used too but I do read new posts every day and bank all that I read. So, keep coming back the people here really are awesome and they will laugh with you and cry with you. Again, I thank God that they were here for me when I thought that I could not make it another day. Also Nar-Anon is a good avenue to follow ( I can say that I hated the meetings at first but now I find that I look forward to my Friday nights with others who know the deal ). Work on your recovery early before you go nuts like alot of us here did, good luck to you guys and take care of yourself. Brit

hope213

glad you found us. i am sorry you are hurting.now the the time to take care of you,work your recovery.there is nothing u can do for your addict.they have to hit there bottom before they are ready. remember the 3c's.you did not CAUSE it,you can not CONTROL it & you can not CURE it.this helped me alot with my a.s..i alway felt so guily,i thought it was my fault.welcome & read around. there is alot of info here.we care. prayers,hope

HKAngel24

Grits-
I understand and feel your pain. I am at a simliar place- being tossed among the chaotic waves of insanity from addiciton. Just like the addict is thrust deep into their addiction and cannot see their damaging behavior to themselves and others- I also believe that the loved ones of addicts are also being kicked very low that we, too, have trouble seeing that we deserve more.
This board is absolutely amazing and there are a tremendous amount of supportive and beautiful individuals who are not only wise, but also loving. You have come to the right place. I am so thankful that I have found this place. People here have told me that you will know when you've had enough of your A. It sounds as if your addict has taken so much from you- depleted you.

The worst is when you are so obviously aware of their usage. For me, a very lucid moment came when my abf was slurring on his way to work at 7:30AM. No 25 year old should be sounded that messed up at that hour??? And he works in construction and plans on working with machinery and tools under the influence? Deeply terrifying. It seems that with drug usage denial can be so deep. In my situation I have stopped asking questions since I don't ever think I'll get the truth anyway. And when I do ask questions I find myself just wanting his reassurance that things will get better when I know darn well I'm acting in denial.

marle

Grit, Just wanted to add my welcome. My addict is my 20 year old daughter. I hope you stick around and read and post. You will find lots of good people who will share their experiences with you. That way you don't have to feel alone. Hugs, Marle

Mavis

(((Grit)))

Welcome to SR. My A is my Husband. He has been dependant on perscription pills, codine, tylenol 3 and 4's and alcohol long before we even met. I myself found to be in the very simular situation that you are in several weeks ago.
I feel your pain and I'm sorry you are going through it.
Lucky for you, you stumbled on the greatest support group ever! I am fortunate to say that things DO get better! "Day by day" is my motto, and it truly is.. day..by..day.
You made the first step for "yourself" congrats! I am happy to meet you and I am glad to experience your recovery!

CarolD

Welcome...Hugs

I dealt with the various addictions of 2 of my
children for 10 years.
Absolutly nothing I did made a bit of difference.

I was losing my sanity.
Then I too became addicted to alcohol.
And became more insane!

I tell you this as a warning of what staying in
toxic situations can do to one.

I got sober with AA and let go of their bad choices.
God holds them in his hand to mold as he sees fit.

Blessings to you and your husband.

itiswhatitis...

grits,

i'm sorry you're going through so much pain - i'm sorry any of us have to - but sometimes that pain releases so much crap - last nite i was so sad - today is a brand new day with brand new stuff - and i feel on top and in control - may tomorrow bring you some peace...

love,
s

Hangin' In

Grits,

Welcome to SR. You've found a family that understands. Take advantage of that. Read the sticky posts at the top of this board. Post, ask questions, and listen to those who have something you want.

If you haven't looked into face to face meetings, Al Anon or Nar Anon, please do so. Meetings have helped me so much. I call those folks in there "God with skin on 'em".

There is a better way to live in all of this. You didn't cause his disease of addiction, you can't cure it and you can't change it. But you can change you and how you handle it all. Just stick around long enough to learn. Once you start applying what you'v learned, there will be a change for the better in yourself.

Glad you're here. And don't forget we are here for you.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

wking2change

The first time I visited, I too was in tears - SR is a phenomenal place with phenomenal people, isn't it? Almost feel like there IS a glimmer of light out there now? I relate. You've been invited to read around already - I would suggest the "stickies" at the top, as they teach so much. Your journey - YOUR recovery - is just beginning. I second the advice you've been given so far - go to a meeting, or meetings, and read the related literature (when you're not reading around SR :-). Doing these things has been helpful to me, turning to God has been the most helpful. I almost thank God for the valley I'm in because I'm finally learning more about (we know all there is to know...or find out alot about...our addicts) and taking some care of ME. You'll continue to have ups and downs (I've been in a slump now for a couple of weeks), but they won't be as extreme if you come here and stay here. My thoughts and prayers are with you - be blessed.

liesagain

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