My mom found crack in her house and I know she will do NOTHING about it!
Heard it all before
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Weird NJ
Posts: 43
My mom found crack in her house and I know she will do NOTHING about it!
It's me again!
I just can't stop thinking (obsessing? lol) about my enabling mom and addicted brother.
I have been trying to distance myself from them and all the drama, but you know a little of it always seems to get through!
Today my mom was up here in my apt. (we live in the same bldg.) and she was telling me how my brother didn't go to work today (surprise! not!) and how she found some sort of 'substance' wrapped in plastic wrap in the bathroom yesterday and when she described it to me it sounded like crack. I just happened to be online at the time and quickly googled and came up with pics of crack (the power of the internet!) and she said yes, that is what it looked like.
The thing that gets to me is I know she will do NOTHING about it. After I showed her the pics I said something like "well, now you have some more information on something I know you'll do nothing about". I just get so frustrated!
I think I've been doing really good with detaching and all that but it still gets to you! She constantly acts surprised by his actions and always complains about the situation but even she knows she will do nothing about it.
Last time I talked to her I was so mad I told her I wanted to punch her in the face I was so pissed off! (Something that I would never do but I was just so freaked out and angry I didn't even know what to do with my emotions!)
I'm trying real hard to live with the fact that she lives the way she does and that I can do nothing about it and that it may never change.
I'm trying, I'm doing pretty good, but it still sucks!
Thanks for listening!
I just can't stop thinking (obsessing? lol) about my enabling mom and addicted brother.
I have been trying to distance myself from them and all the drama, but you know a little of it always seems to get through!
Today my mom was up here in my apt. (we live in the same bldg.) and she was telling me how my brother didn't go to work today (surprise! not!) and how she found some sort of 'substance' wrapped in plastic wrap in the bathroom yesterday and when she described it to me it sounded like crack. I just happened to be online at the time and quickly googled and came up with pics of crack (the power of the internet!) and she said yes, that is what it looked like.
The thing that gets to me is I know she will do NOTHING about it. After I showed her the pics I said something like "well, now you have some more information on something I know you'll do nothing about". I just get so frustrated!
I think I've been doing really good with detaching and all that but it still gets to you! She constantly acts surprised by his actions and always complains about the situation but even she knows she will do nothing about it.
Last time I talked to her I was so mad I told her I wanted to punch her in the face I was so pissed off! (Something that I would never do but I was just so freaked out and angry I didn't even know what to do with my emotions!)
I'm trying real hard to live with the fact that she lives the way she does and that I can do nothing about it and that it may never change.
I'm trying, I'm doing pretty good, but it still sucks!
Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I am the mom of an addict daughter and although I would never allow drugs in my house I have done some pretty stupid things in enabling my daughter including co-signing a loan which she ended up putting up her nose and I ended up paying. Your mom is still in a form of denial about your brother. She may know he is an addict but has not totally embraced what that really means. It is okay for you to not want to get caught up in the chaos. Hugs, Marle
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((OBS))) We anons are much like the addicts we love...
They obsess about drugs
We obsess about them
They use compulsively
We give/enable/rescue/help compulsively
They deny they have a problem
We deny we have a problem
They lie and say, "never again"
We lie and say, "I will never again..."
They manipulate others to get what they want
We manipulate them to get what we want
For someone with a LOT of control issues, you would think I could control myself around my addicts.... but I sometimes just CAN'T. The best bet for me is to just not participate... at all.
In this case, your "obsession" sounds like it is with your mom. It could be that you will need to limit your interaction with her. When a "normal" visit begins to turn to talk of your brother, perhaps you can attempt to steer the conversation to another subject. If that doesn't work, you can have an urgent appointment you have to get to... a sick headache that is coming on... or just ask her to leave.
Taking care of you means doing the things you need to do in order to feel good. It is your right. Addicts do that naturally, we anons have to "learn".
(((hugs)))
They obsess about drugs
We obsess about them
They use compulsively
We give/enable/rescue/help compulsively
They deny they have a problem
We deny we have a problem
They lie and say, "never again"
We lie and say, "I will never again..."
They manipulate others to get what they want
We manipulate them to get what we want
For someone with a LOT of control issues, you would think I could control myself around my addicts.... but I sometimes just CAN'T. The best bet for me is to just not participate... at all.
In this case, your "obsession" sounds like it is with your mom. It could be that you will need to limit your interaction with her. When a "normal" visit begins to turn to talk of your brother, perhaps you can attempt to steer the conversation to another subject. If that doesn't work, you can have an urgent appointment you have to get to... a sick headache that is coming on... or just ask her to leave.
Taking care of you means doing the things you need to do in order to feel good. It is your right. Addicts do that naturally, we anons have to "learn".
(((hugs)))
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
sorry that you are going through all of this, just like with your brother, there is not much you can do about your mother. you can't change people you can only change your attitude toward people. your mother may not have the knowledge that you have and is maynot not ready to face what she probably already knows. maybe you could share the info that you have or maybe invite her to a meeting, but thats about it. take care of you, and hopefully your mother will be able to accept the facts when she is ready. it takes time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Cape Town - South Africa
Posts: 36
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am 16, my 18 year old brother is an addict. My mom used to act like that. It took her a long time to realise that my brother should not be talking to her the way he did, shouting at her, bringing drugs and drug dealers into out house etc...she eventually realised that if she wanted to get a message through to my brother, she would have to start talking like my brother. I also try to distance myself from everything. Unfortunatly i am not able to move out yet. I think it will take some time for your mom to do anything about it.
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