Update & Adivce

Old 03-20-2007, 01:52 PM
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Update & Adivce

Just wanted to update you guys on my situation. I will start with a breif background. I was married to an addict for four months. I kicked him out 3 weeks ago and it was not easy. I have since filed for divorce. I tried really hard to make it through with him, but I couldn't live in it and I was not raising my son in it. The past 3 weeks have been great. I am finally getting myself back and I know that people are noticing. However, I find myself wanting to be alone alot more than usual. I just want to be very selfish with my time. I think that i might even be a little depressed. Not really sure where that is coming from. I am not sad about us not being together anymore. Does anyone know if this is typical behavior?
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Old 03-20-2007, 02:06 PM
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It was typical for me. When you think about what your mind and heart have been through, it kinda makes sense. When people undergo surgery or come through a tough illness, the doctors advise them to rest, relax, and focus on their own self-care for a reason. It's what you need to calm yourself, recenter, refocus, and heal from what you've been through.

In my opinion....and in my own personal experience (several times over, unfortunately)

Take care of yourself. Everyone else can wait. This is an important healing time for you.

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Old 03-20-2007, 02:07 PM
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I think you are reseting your strength. Rebooting your cpu. don't look back unless it is to see the cage where in you where once captive. Congradulations. I felt like that for a while after my "destructive" relationship. Now I am told by freinds and family that I am Me again. Its been almost a year now. I am so happy, and am ready to actually start daitng seriously again.
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Old 03-20-2007, 02:56 PM
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Whenever a relationship breaks up you need time to get over it. Just be gentle with yourself, do lots of nice things and give yourself time. If things don't start to improve and you are still feeling sad and like isolating after a reasonable period of time, then maybe you could see your doctor to rule out depression. I believe a lot of us who have gone through the h*ll of loving an addict have a bit of post traumatic stress to deal with. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-20-2007, 03:44 PM
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You are recharging your batteries, this is a good thing, do what you feel like doing, and don't feel bad about what you are not in the mood to do.

A big hug,

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Old 03-20-2007, 05:34 PM
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i agree with the others, i think what you are feeling is a little common, i know that i have been there too. i thing that it is good that you feel what you feel, recharge, but try not to stay there too long isolating. like marle said, if you think that you need to, see your doctor. it takes time though so try to take care of you. keeping you in my prayers
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Old 03-20-2007, 05:51 PM
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From my experience, I too think you are going through a healing process. I find I may be introspective, not necessarily depressed when I need that time for me and I don't particularly want to be out and about. Mixed with the pain in a grieving process,I think there is some positives too in the self discovery. I think it is good that you are aware of your feelings and if you find yourself sinking into depression, I'd encourage seeing your doctor. But from your post, you sound more content with your own company...and to me that is working on self love which leads to the ability to truly care for and about others. Hugs.
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Old 03-20-2007, 05:54 PM
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I have been out of it for 5 months now and I STILL guard my time out of work jealously and just do what I want to do and mostly am alone.. and liking it.

Sometimes I get lonely, but not long. This will change when it is time for it to change.

Take care of you and don't worry over it. You were immersed in another person and it took a lot. You are now putting some of that back and that is OK.
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Old 03-20-2007, 07:16 PM
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I too think this is normal behaviour. You want time to reflect and just be on your own. You realize how nice it is to not have to constantly worry about the person you love and what state they may be in when you see them.

I used to look forward to seeing my bf every friday night and then when thing got really bad, I would be secretly relieved to know I wouldn't see him until the next day b/c he lived an hour and a half away. We were in a long distance relationship and we both still live at home. I knew I had one good nights rest coming.

Don't think you are the only one who enjoys some silence and no company.
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