Fear of relapse

Old 03-18-2007, 02:18 PM
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Fear of relapse

My AS came home yeserday on a shortened pass, and he did okay. We had a good talk on the way home about his relapse three weeks ago. It was part of his treatment work to tell me about the relapse. It turns out that some of the other residents had told him that the breathalyzer wasn't detecting their drinking when they went home on a pass, so he decided to give it a try. I told him that I missed him and really want him to come home(he's been gone for 2 months), but that I was also scared to death. He said that he felt the same way. He said the rehab was a safe haven. Sometimes I feel like rehab is just there to give the parents a break so that they can work on themselves instead of thinking 24/7 about their kid. Maybe it will be long enough for him to realize how good it is to be clean,maybe it won't. He has one more year before he turns 18. My question is, how do I get over the fear that he will relapse? It seems to be something I'm obsessing about lately. So much so that I never want to let him out of my sight.
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Old 03-18-2007, 02:37 PM
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Krhea, That is such a scary position to be in. You get to see your child without the substances affecting them. You want so badly for them to continue on the path to recovery. You are so afraid of the relapse. Been where you are. I don't have any answers. It is up to the addict. I know that working your recovery will give you the tools that you need to deal with the relapse. Who knows maybe he won't relapse, maybe this is his time. He is being given the tools he needs too. Sending prayers your way that whatever the future holds you will find the strength to get through it. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-18-2007, 02:38 PM
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krhea75 - Hello - feeling your fear. Mom of Heroin addict. ((((HUGS))))
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Old 03-18-2007, 03:41 PM
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maybe its time to except that relapse is common on the road to recovery, i was told to prepare myself by expect the worse and hope for the best.

i decided that i had no control over whether or not he stays clean and work his program, cause i couldn't follow him around forever, or watch over him forever, its his choice and he is gonna do what he chooses to do regardless of what i do. i found that high expectations sometimes causes disappointments and hurt.

you guys told me that i had to totally take the focus off my rah and keep the focus on me and what i am to do for me inorder to survive a possible relapse, and to be prepared to stick to the set boundaries. lastly i believe that i'm to turn him over to god and allow god to guide him and protect him and bring him to the place where he wants him to be.
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Old 03-18-2007, 04:01 PM
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((krhea))) it is natural for us to want to "fix", do everything we can for our kids but it is time to let go.i hope & pray that this is his time & he can go on & live a good clean,sober life, he is so your program & leave him to your H.P. let him know that when he come home u will b giving urine test.that may help him not to use.i am glad this visit went well. prayers for you & your son.
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Old 03-18-2007, 05:02 PM
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"How to get over the fear of relapse?"

I wish I knew....(sigh)

thinking of all who love an addict and saying a prayer tonight...
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Old 03-18-2007, 05:06 PM
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yes i fera about it all the time aboutmy husband.. so iknow how u feel.
but i trytothink like teke now,,
be prepared for worst and hope for better. is the bets thing we can do for ourselfs.. but ofcousre i still think about italot,,
i guess wehave no control over it anyways,,, so to take all the energy we spend n wories and enjoy the good we have now..
God bless u.
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Old 03-18-2007, 09:49 PM
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Can't really think of anything to say that will help you get over your fear, but I'm praying that it don't happen.
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Old 03-18-2007, 09:52 PM
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Krhea, I wish there was an easy answer to that, but I don't know of one. Working a program and going to meetings, especially when my anxiety level was at its height, were what kept my obsession under control. Time helps to keep it from being front and center, but I found it took hard work to force myself to get the thoughts out of my head. I kept reminding myself that worry did nothing and projecting was just sending negative thoughts out into the world, something that definitely did no good. Letting go and trusting in a higher power helped me.

Lots of hugs and prayers for both of you. I understand how hard it is to truly grasp that we protect our children and ourselves the most by letting them face life and its consequences on their own.
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Old 03-18-2007, 10:05 PM
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It's never easy but you can't stop him if he makes the decision to relapse. This is when your own recovery is so very important. It helps to shift all the focus off of him and onto you. You cannot "fix" him or control him.

You can only control just how much his behavior controls YOU!

Letting go and letting him make his decisions is so very hard but you will get there. Give yourself time and don't obsess so much.

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Old 03-19-2007, 07:07 AM
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let it grow!
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i can't add today, i'm too in the middle of this. but thanks for addressing this topic. i do understand the fear..

blessings, k
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:29 AM
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Hi Krhea....

For me, getting over the fear of relapse has taken (and is taking) time. And time takes time.

My daughter has been clean for nearly a year... yet there are days she and I both talk about the possiblity of relapse. A few AA meetings, and I know that ten years may not be "enough" time to prevent a relapse.

But with her sober time, I've also received more reassurance that this is HER life... maybe because during this time, she is also (finally) maturing a little. It has gotten a little easier to step back.

My son "went back out" after a little more than a year clean and sober and working a program. But he was no longer a teen, and had lived on his own for that whole time. This time, it has not been "easy" knowing he is drinking and using... but it is much more "his business".


Also, Alanon helps me - very much.
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Old 03-19-2007, 07:47 AM
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I know your feelings well, my friend. So scary, ya just wanna hide them away from the world. There is no answer about how to calm those jangled nerves about relapse. You just have to live day by day, taking it a moment at a time.
Some days will be easier than others. On the most unnerving days, give a friend a call, take in a meeting, read supportive books, and come to sr.
We're walking right along with ya, sweetie.
Sending big hugs and lots of prayers from me to you today.
That this is his time to shine. That God has big plans for him and leads him
down the right path for them to happen for him.
You take care of you, and remember...He has our children in His heart.

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Old 03-19-2007, 07:48 AM
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krhea... welcome to my world, and alot of other peoples as well. just to giv you an update on me just turned 22, started using heroin at age 17, 1. outpatient sober for 2 months 2.inpatient sober for 2 months 3. army sober for 2 years kicked out of the army for positive drug test,4.suboxine sober for 3 months 5. inpatient sober for 2 months 6. suboxine sober now for 4months

I am and probably always will be affraid of relapse but what I and you too have to learn is we have to be healthy ourselves. I know you son is not 18 yet, not that it makes a difference regarding an addict, but maybe it's alittle different because of legal aspects, but in the end its all the same. We do what we can but we have to be strong and healthy to live our lives for ourselves and our other loved ones.

I'll be thinking and praying for you all.
good luck
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