violence...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
violence...
Something equus said in another thread got me to thinking. I have often thought things would be different if my ah got sober. I now believe, altough I struggle at times, that even sober, a lot would still be terrible.
I have for sure discounted his violent side. He always tries to fight when he's drunk. If he doesn't get in a random bar fight, he enjoys talking of old fights he's been in.
He has gotten a bit rough with me, made general threats and hit other things. One thing he's done several times is beat up his car, LOL. I am laughing at how that sounds. In any event, even if we escape a drunken night without some random attempt at a bar fight, he still loves to talk of old fights and how tough he is.
One night, not so long ago, he picked up this stray cat that often comes around.....this night, he was a happy drunk. He held it up to his face and says to me, "Betcha I can eat right through this cats neck." I said, "put that cat down, you won't eat through anything." he says, "oh, I absolutely will, like pac man. if you don't believe me, say so and I"ll show you right now." I walked over and grabbed the cat from him and he laughed it off.
Fast forward to a few weeks later. He was of course, drunk. But this night, not a happy drunk but looking to fight. I was not responding to his stuff. As we pull in the drive way, the first thing I see is that stray cat on his car. He walks over to it and grabs it, glares at me for a solid minute but I wouldn't make eye contact with him. He finally threw the cat.
I am convinced to this day, that had I made eye contact with him, he would have done it. He was intimidating me.
just a eeeewwwwwww story I thought I'd share.
I have for sure discounted his violent side. He always tries to fight when he's drunk. If he doesn't get in a random bar fight, he enjoys talking of old fights he's been in.
He has gotten a bit rough with me, made general threats and hit other things. One thing he's done several times is beat up his car, LOL. I am laughing at how that sounds. In any event, even if we escape a drunken night without some random attempt at a bar fight, he still loves to talk of old fights and how tough he is.
One night, not so long ago, he picked up this stray cat that often comes around.....this night, he was a happy drunk. He held it up to his face and says to me, "Betcha I can eat right through this cats neck." I said, "put that cat down, you won't eat through anything." he says, "oh, I absolutely will, like pac man. if you don't believe me, say so and I"ll show you right now." I walked over and grabbed the cat from him and he laughed it off.
Fast forward to a few weeks later. He was of course, drunk. But this night, not a happy drunk but looking to fight. I was not responding to his stuff. As we pull in the drive way, the first thing I see is that stray cat on his car. He walks over to it and grabs it, glares at me for a solid minute but I wouldn't make eye contact with him. He finally threw the cat.
I am convinced to this day, that had I made eye contact with him, he would have done it. He was intimidating me.
just a eeeewwwwwww story I thought I'd share.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
That's frightening on so many levels. It's not a global effect of alcohol - take care and with what you've just said take what he's doing seriously!!
If I'm wrong it's only a phonecall - if I'm right it could save your bacon. I think you should get some advice from a Domestic Violence professional.
Just be safe.
If I'm wrong it's only a phonecall - if I'm right it could save your bacon. I think you should get some advice from a Domestic Violence professional.
Just be safe.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 528
amen to that lostnfound. I hope that one story helped you in some way.
Judy, believe me, I know. You see, I've taken a liking for that stray cat. My kids named HIM "mama cat". Once I told them she was he, they cracked up and I said, "maybe we should call it papa cat now" but nope, mama cat stuck. I feed him and pet him and I can tell he's young cuz he's so playful.
It is sick and I'm seeing the bigger picture.
Judy, believe me, I know. You see, I've taken a liking for that stray cat. My kids named HIM "mama cat". Once I told them she was he, they cracked up and I said, "maybe we should call it papa cat now" but nope, mama cat stuck. I feed him and pet him and I can tell he's young cuz he's so playful.
It is sick and I'm seeing the bigger picture.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 7
This story hits home for me about how sick they can be. My EXAB used to get mad at our cat when he was drunk. One night he said that he wanted to pull off the cat's head and stick it up his #$$. I can't believe now that I didn't realize how ridiculous that was. Only now, as I am typing, can I see the complete insanity of it all. I have since left him, and brought the cat with me to a much more peaceful life.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Don't you feed him Sunshine?????? LOL
He is one sick pup....I agree even if you take away the alcohol
he still has issues that require professional help....
I don't know how you have managed to tolerate him for
as long as you have.....frightening man.....
He is one sick pup....I agree even if you take away the alcohol
he still has issues that require professional help....
I don't know how you have managed to tolerate him for
as long as you have.....frightening man.....
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
EEEEEWWWWW and EEEEEEECK! He sounds a lot like my XAH sunshine. They are both sick men. I too think that this violent tendency does not directly result from the alcohol rather than surface more with the alcohol. Those issues are soooo deep and would take years of therapy AFTER sobriety to work through. Glad you're away from him sweets!
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
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In fact, professionals who help families in crisis are increasingly recognizing the role that animals play in the dynamics of family violence. Many law enforcement agencies are training officers who respond to domestic violence calls to be alert for signs that a situation is life-threatening. These include situations where the batterer has threatened suicide, is displaying a firearm, or has hurt or killed a family pet.
http://www.hsus.org/hsus_field/first...he_connection/
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Hey sunshine, sorry for jumping so late in the thread.
There is a saying over in AA about alcoholics and how alcohol affects personality. It goes like this "If you take the alcohol out of a car thief what you get is a sober car thief". My experience, and what all the domestic violence agencies say, is that violent people only become more violent with time. Once that cat is dead, who is he going to attack next? Do you have other cats, other dogs?
In another thread you have mentioned your lawyer, have you told the lawyer about this behavior? If you haven't please do so as threats of violence are always taken seriously.
Mike
There is a saying over in AA about alcoholics and how alcohol affects personality. It goes like this "If you take the alcohol out of a car thief what you get is a sober car thief". My experience, and what all the domestic violence agencies say, is that violent people only become more violent with time. Once that cat is dead, who is he going to attack next? Do you have other cats, other dogs?
In another thread you have mentioned your lawyer, have you told the lawyer about this behavior? If you haven't please do so as threats of violence are always taken seriously.
Mike
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
My former AH threw my cat (who was still less than a year old) to the floor one time just to see my reaction. My reaction was to gather all my paperwork, clothes, the cat (of course!) and leave. I never went back. But I filed for a restraining order. Anyone who threatens to harm or actually harms an innocent animal or child is kaput in my book. No exceptions.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
It's so much easier to see when someone else describes their situation...harder to see or harder to accept when we're involved.
For me, my denial was based on many issues, one of them being, in order to admit to myself just how serious the violence was becoming, I would also have to admit it was the beginning to the end of our relationship. Somehow, at that point in time, losing the relationship was scarier than the abuse...until the violence got worse that is. Pretty sick, huh?
One of the key things or first step that made me realize it was all coming to an end was when I refused to leave the pets in his custody. They were helpless. I could call 911....they couldn't.
Calling a DV agency to get their spin on things, support, and info. is always a good idea when you're going through something like that. They are trained in this particular field and will help you to consider things that you might never have thought of.
For me, my denial was based on many issues, one of them being, in order to admit to myself just how serious the violence was becoming, I would also have to admit it was the beginning to the end of our relationship. Somehow, at that point in time, losing the relationship was scarier than the abuse...until the violence got worse that is. Pretty sick, huh?
One of the key things or first step that made me realize it was all coming to an end was when I refused to leave the pets in his custody. They were helpless. I could call 911....they couldn't.
Calling a DV agency to get their spin on things, support, and info. is always a good idea when you're going through something like that. They are trained in this particular field and will help you to consider things that you might never have thought of.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
I am so glad my dogs hate drunk people ..... they will actually herd anyone drunk at my house to the corner of the room and it's funny to watch drunks being herded and they don't even know it's happening! It was quite handy training them to recognize drunken behavior! LOL
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