sunshine003

Thanks for the reply- word Jazz, it really helps.

AH sent me another e mail today stating he found a counsellor to go see, one who was an addicition specialist....has CAP after his name (what does that stand for?). In any event, he went on to say he's serious about staying sober. That after seeing himself drunk, reading that book, etc, he realizes his drinking is slowly killing him. So, he found out he should be talking to an addiction specialist and called the insurance company to find one in the area and made an appointment. He said he hopes I'd one day be able to forgive him and he hopes I'd support him.

Well, I don't know if he's lying or if he's serious. My untrusting, first reaction is simply, "yeah right." Then, I feel kinda bad for thinking that. But I realize I'm not giving myself enough credit. I'm allowed to think, "yeah right" and I shouldn't feel bad about it. I don't trust a single thing he says.

Certainly, I hope he does find help and I hope he is able to get sober. But right now, even sober, it wouldn't change how little I trust him.

I realize my inability to trust him is my problem. But, I didn't get there alone. He earned my distrust, he earned all of it.

I don't know. Why now? I'm also sorta mad.....why do what he's doing now? Don't do it and put it in my face......just do it and leave me out of it. I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to care about it, I don't want to think that maybe he's serious and he'll do well and move on and someone else will get a good side of him, a side I didn't.

I feel as if I bounce around, feeling strong and confident and back to having doubts.....I don't doubt what he's done or his problem. I mean doubts because I do care for the one tiny side of him that isn't so smarmy. Does this make sense?

cwohio

could be his last attempt at "getting" to you didn't work so now he's laying in on a little thicker?

does it matter? you're going to continue with your plans regardless if he goes into recovery or not right?

the mind games are really a pain!

LaTeeDa

Makes perfect sense, Sunshine. Just remember, actions not words. Now he gets the chance to make his actions speak for him. And you can simply sit back and watch. Words don't regain trust, actions do. Long term actions.

L

denny57

Sunshine, I think the 2nd half of that statement is the important one. It's so easy for me to get caught up in all the negative at this point that I forget what I hope - that one day my AH will find sobriety. (that doesn't mean sobriety and a return to our life)

So yes, it could be another hook to draw you in and that's what I mean about "leave me out of it." If he's serious, he'll do it for the right reasons (just like you have) for himself. If he starts recovery - and this I've been told by other recovering addicts - he will come to realize why you did what you needed to do.

Hang in there, sunshine, you're doing great.

minnie

I bet it's his lawyer's idea.

Cynical, moi?

sunshine003

thanks ya'll.

Denny, you're right, IF he actually does it, he will realize why I did what I'm doing. Perhaps, he'll even grow to respect me for it in a way he doesn't seem to respect anyone right now.

Who knows? No, it doesn't really matter if he's serious at this point. Too much has happened to allow me to believe it him. It's just sad, that's all.....I've wanted him sober, truly sober for a long time. Guess it couldn't happen on my time line. I have to accept that.

And, who knows if this is even it, I sure don't.

Jazzman

I say good! He's a Father and owes it to his children to get sober and stay sober and be there for his kids....
regardless of his motives, timing and desire to let you know his plan.

Show time buddy, step up to the plate son, actions not....

But don't get his struggle confused with yours....

sunshine003

great reminder jazz. we do need them at times in order to step out of ourselves and see the greater good. He is a father and I should want a sober one for my daughter.

elizabeth1979

Does it matter why hes doing it?
Do you still find his drinking a problem?
Do you still find his cheating a problem?
If I was a betting person, I would wager he has done it to shut you up...

Yes. indeed.

megamysterioso

I understand what you're saying Sunshine and it really isn't your burden anymore. If these things make you doubt your purpose and resolve (which you shouldn't because you are smart cookie whose DISTRUST has been earned by a meandering man), then reply back and reiterate the fact that, "hope it works out, but please do not send me anymore emails or speak to me about this- only about our daughter as I've already told you once before!" Hopefully he'll get the picture then and respect your wishes.

sunshine003

thanks mega. Even better, I'm not going to reply at all. I told him I wouldn't discuss anything other than our daughter and ONLY through e mail at this time. I realize I can't just do email forever but I can do it for now, LOL. So, I reply in my mind and here but nope, not to him, not even to tell him not to talk to me about such things. I figure not even acknowledging it is the best route.......in the empowered recovery thing you like, it says the best way to end itwith someone is to stop ALL communication. Seems like good advice huh? it's kinda funny if you think about it, LMAO.

megamysterioso

LOL w/you girl and I love you Sunshine!!! Sounds like a plan to me--- NO CONTACT= "GOOD RELATIONSHIP" LMAO. It will surely keep you sane though.