Alternatives/additions to Al-anon/12 step programmes?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Alternatives/additions to Al-anon/12 step programmes?
Hi just wondered what other resources people have used and found useful that are not based on 12 step programmes.
I attend Al-Anon and can see its benefit, it has helped me, but I just wondered what else people have used that really helped, counsellers/books/websites/tapes/other groups, anything really,
ta in advance
I attend Al-Anon and can see its benefit, it has helped me, but I just wondered what else people have used that really helped, counsellers/books/websites/tapes/other groups, anything really,
ta in advance
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
What helped me most with 'alcohol related issues' are.....several books by Melody Beattie on codependency...."Co dependent No More", "Beyond Codependency", and "The Language of Letting Go" (I currently refer to this last one as my daily bible).
The SR forum here has also been a God-send! I treasure the back and forth, casual, unregimented dialogue here and have found it to be invaluable.
Counseling has helped me enormously as well. Would go more often but I can't afford it.
And....my faith in and my relationship with my HP, and for me, that's God. I have finally realized and accepted His presence in my life and given things up that I 'thought' were my responsbility to handle. In other words, I've stopped (or am attempting to stop) trying to steal His thunder!
All four of these components work together in unison. Although I still have my ups and downs as I weed out and work through past issues, overall I am in a much better place than I ever have been. I honestly don't think I could say that had I missed out on even one of these blessings.
The SR forum here has also been a God-send! I treasure the back and forth, casual, unregimented dialogue here and have found it to be invaluable.
Counseling has helped me enormously as well. Would go more often but I can't afford it.
And....my faith in and my relationship with my HP, and for me, that's God. I have finally realized and accepted His presence in my life and given things up that I 'thought' were my responsbility to handle. In other words, I've stopped (or am attempting to stop) trying to steal His thunder!
All four of these components work together in unison. Although I still have my ups and downs as I weed out and work through past issues, overall I am in a much better place than I ever have been. I honestly don't think I could say that had I missed out on even one of these blessings.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Good question, and funnily enough one I have been pondering recently. In fact, I was going to start a book thread last night, given that my bookcase is overflowing with a wide variety of texts.
I have taken bits from anything and everything. The biggest factor, though, has been my dedication and hunger to learn and change. I think you can tell this from my post count as posting a lot on here has helped clarify my thoughts on more occasions that I can count. And I can find my answers in all sorts of strange places, as long as I am asking the right questions.
I also know that our local Drug and Alcohol team hold non-12 Step meetings for families and friends.
I have taken bits from anything and everything. The biggest factor, though, has been my dedication and hunger to learn and change. I think you can tell this from my post count as posting a lot on here has helped clarify my thoughts on more occasions that I can count. And I can find my answers in all sorts of strange places, as long as I am asking the right questions.
I also know that our local Drug and Alcohol team hold non-12 Step meetings for families and friends.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Hi, if you're in the UK try contacting DAAT - google DAAT with your local area and see what comes up! Also the UK drinkline may be able to give pointers (google for number).
I used counselling through work which really helped, SR and friends amde a big impact too.
I also reminded myself I was still a member of the human race and most 'help' didn't need to be tailored just for those living with alcoholism. I got lots out of a BBC website on conflict resolution and arguing productively because it was what I needed at the time. I also looked for info on worry, mental health, dealing with stress and life changes. As D began to rapidly improve I checked the net for info on relationships through illness and getting well.
Ultimately I didn't find ALL the help I would have wanted to - but maybe that was because part of me wanted help in making every day decisions that only I was in the position to make.
Hope that helps!!!
I used counselling through work which really helped, SR and friends amde a big impact too.
I also reminded myself I was still a member of the human race and most 'help' didn't need to be tailored just for those living with alcoholism. I got lots out of a BBC website on conflict resolution and arguing productively because it was what I needed at the time. I also looked for info on worry, mental health, dealing with stress and life changes. As D began to rapidly improve I checked the net for info on relationships through illness and getting well.
Ultimately I didn't find ALL the help I would have wanted to - but maybe that was because part of me wanted help in making every day decisions that only I was in the position to make.
Hope that helps!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
You make a good point, Eq, about much of the info that helped me had nothing to do with living with a drinker. It was far more "big picture" than that.
Also, reading about abusive relationships helped me to see that it was the behaviour, not the drinking, that caused me the biggest problems.
Also, reading about abusive relationships helped me to see that it was the behaviour, not the drinking, that caused me the biggest problems.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
I used www.empoweredrecovery.com and it helped me a great deal. They have a free e-book on their website for download. Hope this helps!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
As other's have said already: cognitive behavioral therapy, and this board.
As for this board: I don't post a lot. I don't usually feel I know the situation well enough and my situations are either well in my past, or different because I don't live with my active A's anymore. BUT.....hearing the same things repeated, and repeating them to others is great for daily enforcement of things I already know but tend to forget in the heat of the moment.
I have gone from being riled by the insensitive and inappropriate comments of my active A's to hearing it as quacking (seriously, sometimes in my head I say to myself "quack quack quack" - I suppose it's the adult equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling "la la la la I'm not listening").
Having the three C's reinforced daily also helps keep it in the front of my mind. Lately, one of the active A's in my life has increased the quantity of booze consumed considerably. I recite those three C's (which I'd never heard of until this board) when I feel the urge to intervene. And I hear my cognitive behavioral therapist saying "insulating people from the natural consequences of their own actions denies them the opportunity to learn" (and "who are you to decide what lesson they should or should not be learning" - which is my own extra bit I add on, not something my therapist said).
Even if I don't post, I read daily, and this board really is a godsend.
As for this board: I don't post a lot. I don't usually feel I know the situation well enough and my situations are either well in my past, or different because I don't live with my active A's anymore. BUT.....hearing the same things repeated, and repeating them to others is great for daily enforcement of things I already know but tend to forget in the heat of the moment.
I have gone from being riled by the insensitive and inappropriate comments of my active A's to hearing it as quacking (seriously, sometimes in my head I say to myself "quack quack quack" - I suppose it's the adult equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling "la la la la I'm not listening").
Having the three C's reinforced daily also helps keep it in the front of my mind. Lately, one of the active A's in my life has increased the quantity of booze consumed considerably. I recite those three C's (which I'd never heard of until this board) when I feel the urge to intervene. And I hear my cognitive behavioral therapist saying "insulating people from the natural consequences of their own actions denies them the opportunity to learn" (and "who are you to decide what lesson they should or should not be learning" - which is my own extra bit I add on, not something my therapist said).
Even if I don't post, I read daily, and this board really is a godsend.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
I don't know about the last few years, but many athiests and agnostic's have used AA. They use the group, or a tree, Mother Nature etc. as a Higher Power
I have always kept in mind something I was told, "Take what you can use and leave the rest.
Many A's find fault with everything to do with changeing or recovery, to me that is because they are not ready to quit. ALWAYS exceptions.
Is this info for yourself or for an A??
Lots of other ways besides 12 step programs. "Whatever works, works"
"When the student is ready, the teacher appears"
Maybe I am off base here??
I also research everything I hear about that might help myself and other's.
I have always kept in mind something I was told, "Take what you can use and leave the rest.
Many A's find fault with everything to do with changeing or recovery, to me that is because they are not ready to quit. ALWAYS exceptions.
Is this info for yourself or for an A??
Lots of other ways besides 12 step programs. "Whatever works, works"
"When the student is ready, the teacher appears"
Maybe I am off base here??
I also research everything I hear about that might help myself and other's.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 22
I just read a book that was pretty good. "Sober For Good," I can't remember the author. It's based on interviews the author did with recovering and recovered addicts and focuses on other methods than AA.
I am an addict sober for 10 years and AA never worked for me. If I go now I could see how it could be helpful but at the time it wasn't for me.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I've also heard very good things about.
I am an addict sober for 10 years and AA never worked for me. If I go now I could see how it could be helpful but at the time it wasn't for me.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I've also heard very good things about.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
I found counseling to be a big help to me. SOme of the books others have mentioned like Codependent No More, Under the Influence, Getting them Sober, all good ones.
Alanon has helped. This forum has helped SOOOOO much.
My AH also has bipolar so I have found the literature from Dual Recovery Anonymous to be helpful.
Going to AA with my AH has been helpful too.
Alanon has helped. This forum has helped SOOOOO much.
My AH also has bipolar so I have found the literature from Dual Recovery Anonymous to be helpful.
Going to AA with my AH has been helpful too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Again wanted to thank everybody,
Zoay: the suggestions of available resources is for me, should the person who's drinking has become a problem to me ever want help with changing this, there apears to be a wealth of information out there as to what is available (don't mean to sound harsh, and if he asked me, I'd help him to information sources so that he could explore what he liked the sound of etc, but that is not where he is).
The al-anon group/s that i attend have been very useful, and I intend to keep going for the present. Some things about the 12 step approach, the format of the literature, jar with me and I have to make a concious effort not to get side-lined with the things that trip me up/frustrate/irritate me etc, and concentrate on the messages that at the moment I can work with [take what you like and leave the rest]. This isn't a bad thing, and are not critisisms of the programme itself, new world views and all that, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to know what else is out there to explore and see if it helps.
I've got co-dependant no more and have down-loaded the ebook from empowered recovery, I think I'm going to look into counselling/cbt (selfishly, I would like some time a week devoted entirely to ME LOL). thanks everyone - I'll look into the other books (and then work on not hiding them from my h, like some guilty secret)
Zoay: the suggestions of available resources is for me, should the person who's drinking has become a problem to me ever want help with changing this, there apears to be a wealth of information out there as to what is available (don't mean to sound harsh, and if he asked me, I'd help him to information sources so that he could explore what he liked the sound of etc, but that is not where he is).
The al-anon group/s that i attend have been very useful, and I intend to keep going for the present. Some things about the 12 step approach, the format of the literature, jar with me and I have to make a concious effort not to get side-lined with the things that trip me up/frustrate/irritate me etc, and concentrate on the messages that at the moment I can work with [take what you like and leave the rest]. This isn't a bad thing, and are not critisisms of the programme itself, new world views and all that, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to know what else is out there to explore and see if it helps.
I've got co-dependant no more and have down-loaded the ebook from empowered recovery, I think I'm going to look into counselling/cbt (selfishly, I would like some time a week devoted entirely to ME LOL). thanks everyone - I'll look into the other books (and then work on not hiding them from my h, like some guilty secret)
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Best of luck to you Ceridwen and you're off to a running start. Personally, I think that different approaches are needed for different folks. It doesn't matter how you seek recovery or get help as long as you do. Hoping you find peace soon and please DO devote time to yourself each and everyday.
Hoping you find peace soon and please DO devote time to yourself each and everyday.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
