Tally

As most of you know, my ABF uses the internet to flirt with girls online and look at pornography when I'm not here or asleep.

It got so bad that I was totally "wrapped up" in catching him out, looking for evidense of what he'd been doing, checking mails, the history etc...

I wouldn't go to bed early because I knew what he was up to...constant worry, paranoia, suspicion etc...I couldn't think about anything else...

A month ago I was feeling like I was quite mad.

I told him he couldn't be trusted and how dare he disrespect me in my own home. I set my boundary. No more internet for him in this house. I'd had enough, I wanted my life back and part of my sanity.

I told him if he wanted to use the internet when I wasn't here he could move out and go and use it elsewhere but I was not putting up with his "online" activities anymore under this roof.

Now when I go to bed or go out, I unplug the modem and take it with me.(it's only little!)

He's fine with it, he said if it gives me peace of mind then so be it and he said it's good not to have the temptation there.

Now I'm confused as to whether I'm setting my boundary or controlling his behaviour.
Obviously I'd rather be able to trust him but I can't. And the bad feelings where just eating me up inside. I don't think I can go back to how it was, infact I refuse to go back...I feel ALOT better.

Am I controlling him or setting a boundary? And whats the difference between the two?

minnie

Sounds controlling to me.

A boundary might be "I will not live with someone who looks at internet porn". And then I would have to decide what action I will take if they do.

So, why are you in a relationship with someone you can't trust? And what about the house move?

elizabeth1979

Sounds controlling.

Boundary is ..if you do x, I will do y...
Control is manipulating situations to stay in charge of someones actions.