Rose56

Good Morning Friends!
I am back from vacation and wanted to check in with you and say hello. I had a great trip in sunny florida, we had lots of sun and I loved just sitting and soaking it up. We went in the ocean a couple of times - it wasn't too cold. It was good to talk with my friend and shop and just hang out.

When I was away I felt much more loving toward my husband. This usually happens, I feel loving toward him when I don't feel the constant aggravation. When I cam home I made an effort to keep up this attitude and have succedded somewhat. I can see how I treat him so negitively much of the time, with hositility and distain, and talking down to him all the time. I am making an effort to behave more politely from now on, in spite of my frustration. I also remind myself that my behaving politely may influence his behavior but will not "make" him behave the way I want him to. I just want to stop making the situation worse for everyone by being so nasty and hard to live with. Besides I don't want to be nasty, I don't want to be that person. So right now I am not looking for justification for feeling or acting with way I do, I am looking to change my thinking and behavior.

Last night I was feeling so low, like there is no hope for a better life. And I picked up Courage to Change and the reading was about how we can't see around the corner and imagine how God may be working things out for us. I felt a direct communication from God on my feelings and felt immediately better.

One more thing, I sent a note to my high school boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and just received a response. I got his address from a mutual friend after seeing him at our high school reunion. I felt like I wanted to connect with him after so much time and see how he is and how his life is going etc. I guess I wanted to day dream about what my life would have been like if I stayed with him. The friend I went away with said that she knows of several people that had affairs with previous girlfriend/boyfriends by doing this. I don't think I am reaching out for this reason. He lives in a neghboring state and I would love to see him. What do you think?

Thanks as always for being here and listening.

smoke gets in my eyes

Howdy Rose!

I'm glad to hear your vacation was so swell. And it's great to hear that you're working on an attitude adjustment. Good for you!

Now about the old boyfriend. Eeep. I know people who've brought some complications into their lives with things like that, also. I guess a good gauge would be if you'd feel comfortable with your husband knowing you were contacting this guy. Of course, you may find out he became such a louse that he makes your husband look like Prince Charming. I have spent some time thinking about "what would me life be like if I had....". Had to come to grips with the fact that I didn't. A better question for me has become "what WILL my life be like if I...." We can't remake the past. We can make changes now that will make the future better. Like your new attitude!

Hugs,
Smoke

liddy

Hi Rosie
Florida how wonderful !!!!
the sun the beach, i am so sick of snow
its white every single day this winter -yuch !
Hey Rosie, you may be looking for some changes in
your behavior and that is such a positive thing.
But girl treading into old boyfriends just doesnt sound
like a wonderful thing to do !
sounds like a way to make more troubles on yourself.
you got a reply out of your naturl curiousity to see
how he was doing, now you know, what good could
possibly come from connecting with him ???
Think this one over and maybe move into safer waters.
(i just felt like ann landers) wow. why get hurt any more
then you have been ?
love
liddy

Ann

****{Rose}}}

I missed you and am glad you had such a wonderful time. Florida sunshine sounds like heaven right now. And I love your new attitude....except for the old boyfriend. Tread carefully here, Rose, the past is the past and people change and you have changed too. Leave the wonderful memory just as that.

The future is all yours to build whatever dreams you want. The new Rose can move forward with confidence and doesn't have to look back.

JT

Rose,

So you are all tanned and rested. Good for you.

As for the old boyfriend...I have seen you suffer from that "greener grass in the neighbors yard" syndome before. Could that be what this is?

Many hugs,
JT

bonbon

Rose,
I am so glad you are back and feeling so darn good!!! I like your new attitude as well. Keep up the good work.

The old boyfriend?!?! I can relate...I think sometimes we want an escape route for the present situation. Wondering what might of been most of the time leaves us just with that, wondering. Its all water under the bridge... But you CAN look foward to tomorrow with positive thoughts and wonder what it will bring.

Your an inspiration......

Many hugs to you!

Rose56

Thank you all for your thoughtful response to my post. I received a chance to try out my new attitude last night, when my husband was not home when I arrived, no dinner, no note, nothing. I was able to keep my attitude in place and enjoy the quiet. When he came home later, and woke me up from sleep, I just turned over and went back to sleep.

I hear what you are saying about the old boyfriend, and I plan to heed your advice. I do not need more complications in my life right now. Also, I have spent many years trying to sort out my relationship with my husband, and if I decide to end it now I do not want it to because of an affair or other love interest. I think sometimes that people have an affair because they don't have the courage to end the relationship they are in, the affair is the vehicle they use to end the relationship. I do not want to fall into this trap myself. But I must tell you for the first time I understand the draw of a new chance, new hope. And yes, JT, you hit it on the head, this is a "greener grass" fantasy of mine. Oh and I didn't tell you that in his note he mentioned that he was married for 15 years and my note to him caused "flap" with his estranged wife. So, end of story.

lyn_blossom78

Rose:

You talked about having a better attitude towards your husband, and I guess I needed to hear that today. I've been trying so hard to say the right things for so long--to not allow him get away with verbally abusing me, but lately, I've been so frustrated, that I snap at him at the drop of a hat. I know I sound irritable and sometimes just plain nasty, but then I just sound like him. He's just been so forceful about making me do things lately--like search for things he's lost, while his sits on his butt in his chair, and ordering me to run in and see the mess "someone made", etc. I literally had a screaming fit on the way to work today. I know if someone heard me, they would think I was a lunatic, but I'm tellin' ya--sometimes I don't know how much more I can take!

So, Rose, you caused me to pause and take another look at myself and see what I need to change to learn to love this man again! He isn't very lovable right now.

I know where you are when you say you are looking up an old boyfriend! Sometimes we'd like someone to just take us away from all this negative. I've been reading a book called "is it warfare?", which describes Satanic warfare--it's a devotional. One of the first things it brought up was imagining what life would be like with a different spouse. My advice--don't go there!

Hugs,
Lyn

matters

Hi Rose!

Welcome back from sunny Florida. So glad you had a nice time. It is amazing how getting away can make you feel all fresh and ready for what life has to offer or not offer if you know what I mean.

I've been there, done that old boyfriend thing. Fantasizing about what might have been is a old past time of mine. When I actually see him I enjoy talking and know that all we really are is good friends that care alot about eachother and maybe wish for more but know that in reality friends is as far as it will go. When all is going well with my husband than I'm fine. The days I come home to him drunk than I start to drift into fantasy world again. Gee, what a "soap opera"!! I could probably write a good one.

The grass maybe greener on the other side, but what kind of fertilizer did they use is the question.

Take care,
matters

Debbie

********{Rose}}}}}

So glad you are back and that you had a great vacation, you deserve it!!

You take care of you!!

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie