Fireside

New here...at least for posting.

My H drinks a lot every other day or so. The days he doesn't drink he is very grumpy and not nice to be around. What is going on? Is it alcohol craving? Does anyone know what causes this?

Thanks

cinderellawkids

I dontr know really but that's my husband when he's not drinking. I do think its craving, but subconsciously they dont know it. Remember there brains are different. There bodies are depenndant on the alcohol so with out it their aggitated, and angry but not sure why. (ANd of course they'll never admit, maybe its the alcohol.)

denny57

Welcome Fireside

In my opinion, yes, it is the physical addiction asking to be fed. Have you done any reading on this? I particularly like Under the Infuence and Beyond the Influence if only for the relatively easy to understand explanation of what happens physiologically when an alcoholic drinks.

I know it was not easy for me to be around my AH when he was was irritable. Sadly, that was just about all the time the last couple years. (((hugs))) to you and please keep posting.

minnie

Welcome, Fireside. If you haven't already done so, I hope you will check out the sticky posts at the top of this forum as well as the nar-anon one.

My ex used to get like that too and we explored it a little at some of our counselling sessions. I think the physical craving part was very valid, as well as hangovers making for a fairly guaranteed grump session, however I think there were other things at play with R.

Guilt - he would feel incredible guilt because he had been drinking. Not only because he had let me down, but mainly because he had let himself down. Again. Feelings of self-hatred sure bring out grumpiness in a lot of people.

There was also the fact that he was drinking partly to numb his feelings and when he hadn't had a drink, those feelings started to come to the surface again.

Also, there was part of him that would need to justify the next drink and being grumpy/angry/snappy would, at one point, almost guarantee we would get into a fight. Bingo! Ready-made excuse for a drink.

Back to the physical side of things - alcohol is a depressant and therefore drinking can cause mood swings in many people, problem drinkers or not. And it is sometimes the case where there is a chicken and egg situation going on in that depression may cause someone to self-medicate with alcohol or a problem drinker may become depressed because of the alcohol (and the effects on that persons life.)

I hope you stick around - this a great place for information and support.

Fireside

Thanks all! It's gotten to the point over the last year where if he isn't drunk (and unbearable to be around), then he is grumpy (and unbearbale to be around). It all eventually became so "normal" that I really didn't think much about it until my kids mentioned it. He had been gone to a convention for a week and on the day my H was to return my son said, "Wow has it already been a week?" Things had been so peaceful without the alcoholic chaos that it was apparent to even my kids.

denny57

Fireside, I can relate

Every summer my AH would go to Canada to visit his parents for two weeks. Two years ago was the last time he went. I was at a bbq with friends and someone asked me in all casualness, do you miss him? I said no. I cried all the way home. I realized that night things were not going to get better (change) unless something changed.

megamysterioso

((Fireside))- I'm sorry that you are going through this. Everyone above has already suggested some really good reading for you. It is rough to live with an alcoholic that is for certain. I found my AH's mood swings to be unbearable and he was also very emotionally abusive with me for a good stretch of our marriage. I hope you do continue to come here and read and post. Of course, he will not stop drinking or seek help for it until he is completely ready, you can learn ways however, to cope with his behavior for as long as you're with him.

meli2005

If he is a heavy drinker, he could be going thru withdrawals and that can make on agitated, irritable.

Zoey

Fireside, Welcome to posting here on sober recovery! You received some good reply's. Lots to learn, I too think the books Denny mentioned are SOLID GOLD.
Have you tried Al-Anon?? I believe we need both Al-Anon and this site.

Keep coming back, also remember to take what you can use and leave the rest. Anything I write is suggestions only.

Cynay

Welcome to SR... we look forward to getting to know you.

Its rough to say the least, but there is alot you can do for you.... education is the key to regaining your sanity. Lots of good advice already given.