ranae1221

It's been awhile since I posted here, I have been posting mostly on the "mental health" board. Anyhow I wanted to give a quick update on my dad who is still living with me. He has been sober for almost 2 months now (at least as far as I know), he recently started counseling and that has been going well. He also is now on medication for his depression and that overall seems to have greatly helped. He hasn't started back at AA, but that is up to him if/when he starts back.

One of the things I have been able to do, even though it hasn't been easy!!, was to stop "mothering" him. I remember reading somewhere on here that talked about one of the best things you could do for an addict was to allow them to face the consquences of their choices and not trying to fix things for them. Reading that really helped me, and once I stoped trying to monitor everything he did and make everything better, it took allot of the stress off. It doesn't mean I stoped loving him, but I realized (with everyone's help) that he wasn't going to make changes if he had no reason to, if I kept taking care of him.

Everytime I start feeling like I need to take care of him, I read that article and come here to read everyone's advice!

reader

Jessica, that is a great update. I am glad u and your dad are doing better. You have stopped enabling him that is wonderful. I am glad the AD are helping him. I am glad u can identify the urge to baby him and read to stop your self. Keep up the great work!!!!

meli2005

Good, Jessica, sounds like you are making progress too. Sounds like your dad is making some really positive steps too. I think getting the other mental disorder under control is crucial in sobriety. A lot of A's self medicate, they get into a terrible habbit. Keep us up to date on progress!!

Minx1969

Hey Jess,

sounds like you are learning to detach. good for you..

glad things seem to be getting better.

ranae1221

i am so mad right now.....came home today and there he was, drinking. i know i should have not thought this was going to "be it". i am so mad right now i don't know what to do................................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................................says he "was upset" and that is why he threw 2 months down the toliet. well i am upset now. maybe i should just throw him down the toliet.AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i am so pissed.

ASpouse

You can be pissed Jessica, but please read these words above. He has to face the consequences of his choices. Be pissed, but do it away from him, you will be so much better off.

ranae1221

yeah, i left the house. i am at my office and will be here for awhile, at least untill i can go home and not explode at him- i know that doesn't help anything. i will be asking him to move out soon, i don't know what else to do and it hurts too much. life just sucks right now.

ASpouse

Just mean it when you ask. No ultimatums, no threats. Wish him well and move on with your life.

pmaslan

perfect advice Judy....
Jessica I am sorry you are going through this.....