as the anniversary approaches...
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
as the anniversary approaches...
Hi everyone,
On Feb 26, my daughter would be turning 4.
She died in May 2000, after surviving an infant heart transplant just 2 months after she was born. My baby girl, Lauren Hope, lived 15 incredible months, and I miss her so much.
And in a sense, Lauren is a big part of my recovery in Alanon, and in my husbands escape from Alcoholism and addiction. When Lauren was born, neither one of us admitted to the presence of alcoholism in our lives. Though the progression of the disease was intense, and things were getting very rocky. I knew nothing of the disease, and he was not anywhere close to admitting anything was wrong. When I look back at it now, Lauren had a huge part in "waking us up". When she was born, the doctors told us that her heart condition was fatal... our only option was palliative care, or transplant. We were stunned. I suddenly felt that everything lost it's significance... NOTHING was as important as taking care, and doing the best for our daughter. And we had a mission.... We had an important job to do now. The days of taking things for granted was surely over. So, for the next 15 months, we were given the grace of not having to think about the alcohol and drug issues. We had a year and a half of beautiful memories and occasions with our son, and with our baby girl.
And in May 2000, Lauren went in for a routine biopsy. It was the 1 year anniversary of her transplant and she was doing great! She was such a beautiful girl, and caught the eye of all the doctors and nurses... she was the pride of the pediatric cardiology unit. Like I said, the biopsy was routine. Biopsys don't have a huge risk of complications, or death. But something happened that day. The way I see it; Lauren was never ours to keep. we were chosen to keep her for a short time... and it was a great priviledge. During the biopsy, her little heart was torn, and she never recovered. A nurse came to us shortly after and said these exact words, "I am not a religious person, but I was with your daughter the entire time. At the moment of her death, I saw a band of angels above her bed... I had to tell you." That one moment changed me forever.
When I am able to look back at all that has happened, it makes me smile to know of the great lessons Lauren has taught to her father and I. It wasn't long after her death, that my husband came to me in tears telling me that he knew that he was alcoholic. He told me how he never wants to live life regretting the things he's done. He wanted to make a change and start finding sobriety. And for me, the strength that I gained from surviving the loss of my daughter, made it seem possible to find my OWN recovery... and to find Alanon.
I know how great of a gift we have been given. I am very grateful for it all. The hardest part for me today, is not having the rest of my life to share with the little girl who taught me so much. She never grew enough to speak, or to go to school, or to become an adult - she was only here long enough to fulfill her promise and teach us her lossons of love.
As her birthday approaches, I long to engulf myself in her memory... The tears, however, come far easier than the smiles.
Thanks for listening,
Meg
On Feb 26, my daughter would be turning 4.
She died in May 2000, after surviving an infant heart transplant just 2 months after she was born. My baby girl, Lauren Hope, lived 15 incredible months, and I miss her so much.
And in a sense, Lauren is a big part of my recovery in Alanon, and in my husbands escape from Alcoholism and addiction. When Lauren was born, neither one of us admitted to the presence of alcoholism in our lives. Though the progression of the disease was intense, and things were getting very rocky. I knew nothing of the disease, and he was not anywhere close to admitting anything was wrong. When I look back at it now, Lauren had a huge part in "waking us up". When she was born, the doctors told us that her heart condition was fatal... our only option was palliative care, or transplant. We were stunned. I suddenly felt that everything lost it's significance... NOTHING was as important as taking care, and doing the best for our daughter. And we had a mission.... We had an important job to do now. The days of taking things for granted was surely over. So, for the next 15 months, we were given the grace of not having to think about the alcohol and drug issues. We had a year and a half of beautiful memories and occasions with our son, and with our baby girl.
And in May 2000, Lauren went in for a routine biopsy. It was the 1 year anniversary of her transplant and she was doing great! She was such a beautiful girl, and caught the eye of all the doctors and nurses... she was the pride of the pediatric cardiology unit. Like I said, the biopsy was routine. Biopsys don't have a huge risk of complications, or death. But something happened that day. The way I see it; Lauren was never ours to keep. we were chosen to keep her for a short time... and it was a great priviledge. During the biopsy, her little heart was torn, and she never recovered. A nurse came to us shortly after and said these exact words, "I am not a religious person, but I was with your daughter the entire time. At the moment of her death, I saw a band of angels above her bed... I had to tell you." That one moment changed me forever.
When I am able to look back at all that has happened, it makes me smile to know of the great lessons Lauren has taught to her father and I. It wasn't long after her death, that my husband came to me in tears telling me that he knew that he was alcoholic. He told me how he never wants to live life regretting the things he's done. He wanted to make a change and start finding sobriety. And for me, the strength that I gained from surviving the loss of my daughter, made it seem possible to find my OWN recovery... and to find Alanon.
I know how great of a gift we have been given. I am very grateful for it all. The hardest part for me today, is not having the rest of my life to share with the little girl who taught me so much. She never grew enough to speak, or to go to school, or to become an adult - she was only here long enough to fulfill her promise and teach us her lossons of love.
As her birthday approaches, I long to engulf myself in her memory... The tears, however, come far easier than the smiles.
Thanks for listening,
Meg
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Meg,
What a precious little girl. And I don't know where you stand in your spiritual life, but my spiritual and religious beliefs lead me to know your daughter is where God wants her to be....in a perfect and wonderful place where there is NO sorrow or sickness.
As a mom myself, I know you miss her. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
What a precious little girl. And I don't know where you stand in your spiritual life, but my spiritual and religious beliefs lead me to know your daughter is where God wants her to be....in a perfect and wonderful place where there is NO sorrow or sickness.
As a mom myself, I know you miss her. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Oh Meg,
I'm having a hard time typing because I keep having to wipe the tears away. What a beautiful little girl, and how lucky you were to have her in your life. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to let her go. Big hugs to you. You are lucky to have your Angel in Heaven watching over you. I'm sorry for your feelings of loss as the anniversary comes around. You are in my prayers.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
(((Meg)))
My sister lost a little girl from a heart problem at the age of 2. Ashley would be 16 now. At the time of her death, one of my sister's closest friends was a big help in dealing with it. She had lost a baby girl as well, a couple of years before that. Something she said has always stuck with me.
She said that before their daughter died, they felt they could live their life anyway they chose. After her death, their views changed on that. They wanted to be able to see their daughter again someday. To do that, they had to find out what it would take for them to be able to join her in heaven. Now their lives are completely changed.
I know you are hurting, but look forward to that day when you see your daughter in heaven.
Hugs, Lyn
She said that before their daughter died, they felt they could live their life anyway they chose. After her death, their views changed on that. They wanted to be able to see their daughter again someday. To do that, they had to find out what it would take for them to be able to join her in heaven. Now their lives are completely changed.
I know you are hurting, but look forward to that day when you see your daughter in heaven.
Hugs, Lyn
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Lauren Hope is a beautiful angel and is with our Lord.
She is in a wonderful place of peace. I can't imagine the sorrow you feel loosing a child. I am feeling sadness this week for it is the 2 year anniversary of my fathers death.I can only relate to the loss of a loved one. I miss my Dad so very much! Valentines Day was the last time I saw him alive. Your precious little girl was so fortunate to have parents that loved her so deeply.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Meg during your time of sadness and rememberance of your special little Angel!
matters
She is in a wonderful place of peace. I can't imagine the sorrow you feel loosing a child. I am feeling sadness this week for it is the 2 year anniversary of my fathers death.I can only relate to the loss of a loved one. I miss my Dad so very much! Valentines Day was the last time I saw him alive. Your precious little girl was so fortunate to have parents that loved her so deeply.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Meg during your time of sadness and rememberance of your special little Angel!
matters
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Matters,
My thoughts are with you as well, as Valentines Day must be difficult...
Thank you all for sending your prayers my way
It'll be easier this year knowing that I have somewhere to take my feelings if I need to. Thanks again for listening.
Meg
My thoughts are with you as well, as Valentines Day must be difficult...
Thank you all for sending your prayers my way
It'll be easier this year knowing that I have somewhere to take my feelings if I need to. Thanks again for listening.Meg
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
(((meg))))
What a beautiful testament to your daughter. I am sorry for your loss but rejoice in your life and opportunity to honor her.
A dear friend of mine lost her oldest son to cancer when he was just 3 yrs old. They became involved with an organization called Compassionate Friends. Its a support group of and for parents who have lost a child. My friend and her husband found a lot of support, love and solace and ultimately came to start some new groups in the suburbs near the town they lived in. You might ck out your area to see if such a thing exists there!
Know that we love you and will be here for you anytime.
HUGS
Osier59
What a beautiful testament to your daughter. I am sorry for your loss but rejoice in your life and opportunity to honor her.
A dear friend of mine lost her oldest son to cancer when he was just 3 yrs old. They became involved with an organization called Compassionate Friends. Its a support group of and for parents who have lost a child. My friend and her husband found a lot of support, love and solace and ultimately came to start some new groups in the suburbs near the town they lived in. You might ck out your area to see if such a thing exists there!
Know that we love you and will be here for you anytime.
HUGS
Osier59
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
mishme
I had a hard time finding this post since it was from a while back. Thought I would bump it up for you since I love to share her beautiful story.
Take care!
Meg
Take care!
Meg
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Meg
Although this is a sad story and my heart feels your pain, I also feel grateful to read it again.
I know that God gave you Lauren Hope as a gift and she will always live in your heart. And I also believe that she is with God and will never know pain or sorrow again, and will always be your special angel.
Special hugs to you.
Although this is a sad story and my heart feels your pain, I also feel grateful to read it again.
I know that God gave you Lauren Hope as a gift and she will always live in your heart. And I also believe that she is with God and will never know pain or sorrow again, and will always be your special angel.
Special hugs to you.
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