kermit

to say I love this place, My life is so messed up right now, but I'm making it through everyday because of the stories I read here. You have all been such a insperation to me, thanks. One day I will wake up and have no worries, not today, someday. It seems like just one thing after another right now, I can't wait untill life gets calm. My 6yr old has to see a Neuralogist next week, he has been having really bad headaches along with bad behavior, I new this woukd come, I'm alo taking him to a psycolgist, they want to test his Iq and do other tests. I already know its up there on the charts, I just need to learn how to help him with all his frustrations(and ours). We haven't heard from Ah in a couple of weeks. My daughter is going to the prom tomorow, I can't wait to get lost in the moment. My 3yr old will be 4 next week and we are having a BIG party for him, Thomas the train b-day party! I started babysitting a family of four to help out financially, but I'm not sure the Mom can afford me. I really need to talk with her because she hasn't paid me and I really could use the money, I take her kids to school and pick them up I have them untill 7pm so I feed them dinner. This is the idea situation for me right now, if she comes up with the money. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, yet I can't seem to open my mouth. What the hell am I afraid of? These kids need somewhere to feel safe, if they do not come here they stay home alone, ages 5,7,9,11. Sorry i'm getting carried away. If you read this whole thing, thanks for listening.

megamysterioso

(((kermit))) Wow- you do have a lot on your plate right now. I hope that your son's appointments go well. I will say a prayer for him. I hope your others have a great prom and a wonderful birthday party.

You MUST get paid for the service you're providing to this woman! You have to say something Kermit. I've found that people will sometimes take advantage as long as they can. I understand that you are very concerned about her children, but they are her children and you have enough to deal with in your own life right now. Please let her know that you need payment and cease your services if she cannot pay. You can maybe help her find services that are less expensive if you want to try and help the kids, but you should not continue further without having the money discussion IMO.

kermit

Thanks Mega, I know what I must do, I just have to grow the balls to do it. I will ask for it TODAY!!! Oh who am I kidding? maybe today. I have untill 7 to work up my gutts.

megamysterioso

Chant it with me kermit-- "grow those balls, grow those balls!!!" Stay focused on it and don't let it slip today. Procrastination will only make it worse at this point. You'll do fine- I just know it!!! I can see a piece of ball growing from here LOL...

LaTeeDa

Kermit, you are doing the most important job in the world. I have always paid those who have cared for my children on time. And in lots of cases, paid them more than the going rate. Why, because I VALUE my children and I VALUE someone to care for them and do it well. I am not telling you this to use as guilt on the person who owes you. I am telling you this so that you will realize that you DESERVE to be paid for doing an important job. You should not have to ask to be paid. But, since you are put in that position, remind her of the terms for payment that were agreed upon and TELL her that you expect her to meet those terms. She expects you to fulfill your part of the agreement, right? Nothing wrong with you expecting her to hold up her end.

L

kermit

Thanks for the laugh Mega, I'm off (with balls growing) to get one of the off to school. (Have you seen the gas prices? I think I will add on $25)Chant, chant, chant...off to school we go. Be back soon.

megamysterioso

Yes- gas prices are outrageous and LaTeeDa is right!! You ARE providing the most important service in the world to this woman. You deserve to be paid and you are not and I think you should tack on an extra 25$. You deserve it-- it's your wallet that's suffering here.

Rhino Gal

I also have a hard time standing up for myself and being assertive, in the past I have let things brew inside of me until I explode with anger and resentment and shock the other person.

I have been working on this with my therapist and last week I was fuming because my roommate's car broke down- I was shuttling her to and from work and she had not offered me any gas money. My therapist pointed out that I had not asked for gas money, so that afternoon on our way home I said "I am very low on gas, could you please give me some gas money?". She filled up my tank twice since then- with no complaints. It was almost too easy!

It is taking me some practice to "grow the balls" but it sure is nice to be assertive!

Hugs!

Susie

kermit

Thanks everyone, I think my balls are growing.......very LARGE, I'll let you all jnow after 7 pm

Ontario_Rider

What I find amazing is how similar the stories are, my child too has migraines and has to see a specialist. And I too haven't see or spoken to my AH in 2 months now. The posts here keep me going as everyone has the same stories and experiences and they make it and get through it. There is LIGHT at the end
I also had to chase a woman when I babysat and she even had the nerve to bounce the cheque!! LOL

mallowcup

Anyone who can find good child care won't risk losing it. The only thing worse than paying a sitter is being the sitter. I would make it a very matter of fact conversation. I would tell her you need to be paid on the same day each week so you can keep to your budget. Let her know so that you don't have to have this conversation each week, I'd even mentuon that apparently word is out that you babysit. I'd mention that you have had a few calls with requests that if you ever stop watching the kids you have, they'd like you to call them. You have taken on a huge responsibility and lightened this womans burdens tremendously. It has to work for both of you.

megamysterioso

Kermit--- I hope you did it and got paid! Have a good night and a great weekend.

kermit

Well, I did it, now I no longer babysit. Oh and I didn't get paid. I feel really good that I did it. Thanks for all your support.

LaTeeDa

Oh kermit, I'm so sorry there wasn't a more positive outcome. But, you deserve to get paid for providing a valuable service. You will find something else. I know you will.

And small claims court is an option for you to get the money that is owed you. Many times, just being served with the papers brings people to their senses and they pay up. Just something for you to consider.

L

mushroom

Wow, the nerve of that woman. Not the outcome we were all hoping for you, but better you find out now than you keep sinking more and more time and energy into this relationship without getting paid.

You know how alcoholics know who's a codie, and take advantage, I think some people are the same about money. They know who's going to go codie on them and want to keep helping and be afraid to ask for the money and they take advantage until the money talk comes up.

My first husband's father had a business with one client who never paid for five years. When the son took over from the father, he asked the client to start paying and by the way could they talk about the 5 years back pay too please. They dropped him like a hot potato, refusing to pay. And this client was a church, too.

Sometimes you have to just walk away from the alcoholic, and same thing with the people looking for a free ride. It's too bad about her kids but they're not your responsibility, you have quite enough to do with your own! I hope they're coping well.

kermit

Well, no, it wasn't the outcome we were hoping for, But at least it finnaly had one!!!
Should I keep my new grown balls? lol...

FriendofBill

No one can take advantage of me without my permission. Dont need new balls, just self esteem and worthiness.

megamysterioso

Well- that woman sucks, but at least you did not allow her free ride to last a minute longer. Yes, yes--- keep your newly grown balls LOL. I guarantee they will come in handy in the future.