2many2count

For the past few months I've been trying to find my way out of this rut. Trying to figure out where I went wrong. My husbands drinking is back on my nerves and I can't keep my mouth shut.It escalates into a match and brings attention to the situation. Well, I went to the family beach house for 5 days and did alot of soul searching. This is just not what I want to deal with anymore. I have read post after post after post and to be very honest I'm exhausted with all of this mess he has laid on my table. I love him so much. He was my first love. He gave me two beautiful girls and he has helped me raise 2 teens.However, there has got to be a breaking point and I'm guessing I've hit mine. He is staying drunk more than sober now. He says he'll go to AA but he hasn't made it through the door yet. There is always a solution from him as to why I should stay but he never follows through with any of them. Famous last words...I'll do whatever it takes to keep our family together. Then he suffers through two days of being sober and he's back at it again. Then he picks at me when he's drinking making comments like...If i work hard all day I should be able to come home and drink a beer if i want to. Then i can't help myself...A BEER being the key words dude! It just flies out of my mouth without warning! Just the same ol' $*** different day. I'm working on the anger within myself really trying to focus on me and the kids more than him. We've been taking lots of bike rides and trips to the park. We made ice cream the other day and we're going to the planetarium next week. They are important to me...my world revolves around making them happy and unfortunately this situation isn't going to just disappear. I have so much to figure out.

2many

Cynay

Welcome to SR... we are glad you found us.

Im so sorry its hurting right now, I really do understand and I also understand how you feel about your children, my daughter was my world for 15 years.

You dont have to make decisions today. One thing you know is you dont like who you have become, you dont like feeling the anger, resentment, disapointment..... None of us do.

I would suggest Al-anon because it has helped me so much, maybe find a meeting in your area and take the focus off him and his issues and put them back on you and what you need to do to find that peaceful place in your life again.... it can happen weather you living with your Alcoholic or not.

I look forward to getting to know you..

2many2count

Thank you.

Have you ever just sat back and closed your eyes and wished it would all go away or be some horrible nightmare?
Have you ever hpes for this wonderful cure that would make it all better?

Watching the love of my life behave this way...so irresponsibly just breaks my heart.

2many

ilovehippos

I feel you....
I know how you feel...
Those famous words... "I will do whatever it takes to keep us together..."
I've heard that everytime I try to find myself an exit out of this hell.-But yes... I do love him so much and I hate him for it....
My alcoholic is in the hospital now...He's getting himself sober after heavy heavy heavy drinking and vomiting plus the heavy bleeding(from vomiting)...

Guess what?
It hurts so much to see my loved one killing himself like that-I know I know...
I love him so much.. I will say this over and over again,
but I'm leaving him this time.
I will always love him, but this time, I'm letting him go.....
i will never stop loving him....
It's been my first day without even talking to him, and I wil tell ya, it's already hard, and I miss him so much already...
But going to take it step by step......
We are here for you.................. 2many2count...
Take it step by step, and you 'll eventually get there one day!!!!

I'm going to live my life at its best.
a happy life....
with people who knows how to make right choices for themselves and for their loved ones....!!!!!!

as I write... I still have this fear inside of me how I'm going to even live my life without him..... But I'm going to keep on telling myself to breathe and breathe.......
Wish me luck!

ASpouse

My intial reaction was to this. We are not responsible for others happiness and I think that is where you fall into this trap. Yes, of course I understand they are your children and you never want to see them unhappy, or miserable or whatever. I understand that. Your responsibility as a parent is to help them be well adjusted children growing into adults. They have a right to know what is going on with their father, how it affects you, of course all information should be age appropriate for them.

I think if your world revolves around making them happy, then you are somehow doing the same thing for your AH.

He will continue to make excuses as to why he feels he "deserves" to drink, hard day at work, hit all red lights coming home, the sun wasn't shining, he was uncomfortable in his clothes etc (I think you get my drift) Alcoholics will find any excuse to drink and jimhere has posted several times what it's like being an alcoholic and how he couldn't stop until he burned all of his bridges. My feeling is that your AH will need to do the same.

He will not stop on his own, that is apparent. You should get to Al Anon or some sort of support group to give you strength and to keep you on track. What he was is not what he is today ..... you need to forget what he was and know what he is right now, today, in this moment.

Good luck, I remember being right where you are.

Cynay

Yea I remember sitting there crying and curled up in bed wishing I could sleep long enough that when I woke up it would all be ok, he would be the person I fell in love with, Heck that I would be the person I was in times past.... cuz to be quite honest I was no peach to be with at the time either.

But unfortunally if you lay in bed too long with the covers over your head you get sore and uncomfortable... that is what happened to me, it got to the point that I could not do it anymore... and I reached out ... first here, then Al-anon, my sponsor, then AA and finally to friends and family and guess what.... the wounds healed... I got strong, and I love who I am today.

That is not to say I dont have issues.... I could not count how many I have, that is only to say that today Im happy, that Im making progress and Im recovering.

All you can do hon is focus on you and keeping yourself sane. I know it hurts to watch him do this, and if it hurts too much you might not want to sit back and watch... happens to alot of us. But for today just take care of you.

megamysterioso

(((2many))) I really understand your pain and I'm glad you got to get away to the beach house. It is ALL very tiresome, isn't it? And yes, I too have wished it would "just magically disappear." It won't though and it requires YOU to make the change and stop the cycle. It is obvious that he will not.

These are the comments that my AH has made to me as well. That is enough to tell me right there that HE sees nothing wrong whatsoever in what he is doing. He cannot see the true devastation that his drinking has had on our marriage. I'm preparing to leave now. We are sleeping in separate bedrooms and he is talking a good game from time to time. I don't believe a word he says b/c words are nothing to me now. It is VERY rough around here but NECESSARY at the moment. You have much to think about. Just please focus on yourself and your own sanity as much as possible while you are soul-searching. I know it is difficult, but you can step out of this. My prayers are with you.