prodigal

I met with my psychiatrist on Monday. I see him every three months so he can ask how I'm tolerating my Wellbutrin (antidepressant), how am I doing in my sessions with my psychologist, how is the A in my life, blah, blah, blah.

Both the psych and my counselor have both told me - and between them they have 30 years of addictions counseling - that my husband is at a stage in his disease that certain mental functions will not return. Certain cognitive abilities are gone. It has to do with the frontal or rear lobe of the brain deteriorating from the massive quantities of booze. Anyway, even if he dried out, there would be residual damage. The psychiatrist is an M.D. When I tell him things I don't dress it up nor do I make any attempt to exaggerate. Believe me, given the sheer quantities my AH can consume simply amazes me, but I'm not exaggerating.

In the past few months, however, it takes far less to get him trashed. I was told by the doc this is what tends to happen during the later phase of the disease. Also, he acts kinda out of it, loopy, and just plain forgetful when he has those rare moments of sobriety. To be perfectly honest, I wonder at times if he's ever completely sober.

Anyway, I started boo-hooing and saying how sorry I felt for my husband. The doctor looked at me and said, "If you want to exhibit sympathy, go volunteer at the humane society. Your husband chose to pick up the first time, continue to pick up, and use the booze to medicate himself. A dog doesn't choose to get kicked, abused, or thrown out to fend for itself in the street."

A real wake-up call for me. Detach, detach, detach and walk away without looking back. The end, thank God, is in sight!

ASpouse

How sad prodigal. How long are you married?

It's one thing to feel sorry for someone or something because of their circumstance at no choosing of their own (the humane society analogy) and to feel sorry for your AH who made all the wrong choices for himself.

The best to you,

denny57

I can absolutely relate. Our doctor, who has been fantastic through this, said the same thing to me. He has been very supportive and keeps me on track. I will always have sympathy for what my AH is going through, but I won't let that be destructive to me.

I know our doctor has talked to AH about what the booze is doing to him and his brain, let alone the rest of his body. If he chooses to still drink, I have to step back and live my life to the fullest. Not always easy, but much more rewarding. I have also found volunteering to be a good productive outlet for my "need" to help.

My prayers are with you.

chwaquarius

My thoughts and prayers go out to you!! Shortly after I left my A (physically abusive behavior after many years of emotional abuse was the last straw) he was diagnosed with cirrohsis and this also leads to dimentia and neuropathy, etc. Many feel I'm heartless as I've not returned to him. I've learned that my over-caring codependent behavior almost cost me my own life and the lives of our sons. My A did this to himself, I cannot go back to the old pattern of saving him now, as even in final moments (how ever long that may be - he's not received the best prognosis), he refuses to admit he's an alcoholic even though the evidence is upon him literally. It's difficult watching someone you love deeply proceed to kill themselves!! Yet, when all is said and done, we have to survive life beyond them . . . I choose recovery and I choose survival!! Stay strong and I'll be thinking of you and praying for your peace and serenity!

gelfling

(Prod)...I truly respect the docs openness with you. Now you know the whole truth. If you go to alanon, try to increase the number you attend each week.

Take care and blessings

Zoey

This is so sad. HUGS to you all going through this.

prodigal

.... and I've watched the deterioration. My AH's cognition of what is REALLY going on here on Planet Earth is about zilch, so I don't waste my time with him any longer. I hired a professional trainer to work with me three days a week at the local gym, do cardio work the other two days (a treadmill does wonders for stress!) and I found a church I enjoy. MY life WILL go on, and I'm planning to move back to the big city where the Al-Anon meetings are much better than they are in this hick town.

Feel sympathy and pray for the drunk .... but do it at a distance that is safe for me!

rooroo

I have the same situation here in my home except that my H is starting his road to recovery. Although it is forced because of the courts, I am thankful for the moments I will have. My H is at a rehab. It will be three more weeks before he is able to come home. I talked with him yesterday and he started to whine about how he wanted to be at home and how he missed me and how not fun it is there. I just told him not to look for me for sympathy. I know it sounded cold to him, however, he is the one who made the choice to drink after the court ordered him not to. He is the paying the consequence. However, I am paying them to by being alone at home with three kids and everything that has happened is just the two weeks he has been gone. He told me what I said was not what he wanted to hear. I know what he wanted but I have to detach and let him recover on his own and I need mine. I wasn't going to allow myself to be sucked into his words. Before I hung up the phone, I did tell him how much I did love him and I did miss him but I wasn't going to accept his whining. I know if I allowed myself to be sucked in I would have reacted in a bad way. Anger and hurt would have flooded my head and it would not have been good. I instead thought of my kids who I do have sympathy for. They did not ask for everything that has happenedd nor do they deserve it. They are the one who deserve my sympathy not him. It is so true. I will never know if my husband will ever be "normal". There is times when he is completely sober and I wonder because of the damage that was caused by his long time and large quantities of liquor he consumed. This is strictly a subject I leave up to my HP to decide. It is scary to think about the long time effects of alcohol. Today, I choose not to think about them, I will be thankful for my day and be with my kids and support them in their own trial they have to handle today. (Their grandmother from my first marriage passed away, and I will be taking them to the funeral today). I will say prayers for you and offer my sympathy to you.