aztchr

Hi again,
I posted earlier (living with abf in denial) and after a long day of finishing my teaching portfolio and finally getting to sleep, I was woken up by abf crashing into our 5 gallon water dispenser flooding the kitchen, and passing out on the floor, I've decided enough is enough. I need peace and the only way to have that is to move to my parents or other family members until I can get a place on my own again.

If you have moved out, what was easiest for taking care of financial responsibilities while away until the house sold? I was thinking of returning once a week to just get mail, pay bills, and pack up things a little at a time.
Both of our names are on the house so decisions will have to be made together.
How do I approach this with ABF since I'm sure he won't be feeling well and will not want to discuss anything. My thought with that is too bad, I'm done placating and walking on eggshells in my own house. Actions tomorrow!

Thanks for all of the thoughts! I know I'm making the right decision. I just want all of the details taken care of right now, but I know it's one step at a time. I'm honestly not even saddened by all of this. I'm surrendering to the fact that I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. I can, however, care for myself more than I have been lately!

osier59

In my case, I got a post office box with 2 keys and had all of the mail forwarded to the box. (I gave him his key AFTER the fact.) That way I could ck the mail every day, and leave HIS mail in the box for him. Otherwise, you can always put in a temporary change of address and have your mail forwarded to your parents' house.

I found it best to have a plan before I talked with him. That way I could just state the facts and not become a whimpering, emotional, confused MESS when discussing things. It also made it easier for me to re-direct the conversation back to the issue at hand... he was really really good at deflecting things and spinning me around so that the focus came back onto me or something else and not HIM and the situation.

This is a difficult time. It sounds like you are working your recovery - setting boundaries and taking care of YOU.

HUGS and love
Barb

denny57

Are you sure you want him left in the house and you move out? If so, and you're the one who takes care of everything, I agree with above. Call and get the address changed on the things that matter, etc. My AH moved out of our house. Some important things re bills, taxes, medical, were in his name so I made sure they were all switched so they continued to come to the house. My experience has been that as my AH gets sicker, he cares less (or more likely just doesn't think) about what needs to be done. I'm glad I took steps before instead of trying to clean up messes now or later.

Good luck - it's a lot of work in the beginning but worth it.

mallowcup

If he was that intoxicated why not call the police to have him removed? The criteria to be admitted to the behavioral health department is that he is of a frame of mind to do harm to himself or others. It doesn't sound like he had the ability to protect himself. You never know what kind of injuries he may have, like a bump on the head. Alcohol levels could be drawn. I wouldn't be chased out of my own house. If you choose, you could just call an ambulance and have him taken away.