kermit

Our daughter left to New York yesturday and my AH didn't even call her. Pissed me off. He has not made a attempt since he has left but I keep think he sould have called her. Say something, good luck, have fun anything. I do not know why this is bothering me so much. I should not let him get to me like this but when my kids get hurt I get SOOOOOOOOO ANGRY!

Just had to type it out. I feel better already.

prodigal

Alcoholics aren't known for being particularly sensitive or interested in anyone else's life unless they can dump blame on someone else for their own alcohol-induced problematical situations.

I can understand your anger at your husband's apparent indifference toward his own child. An A's behavior can be pretty rotten at times, but it seems to be part and parcel of the disease. There are times that they can be downright cruel and I think they realize that what they're doing is wrong. There are other times when I really don't think they mean to hurt or harm others, they're just too wrapped up in their addiction/pain cycle to behave in a sane fashion. After all, along with the disease comes the insane, unpredictable, and oftentimes (sadly) rude behavior towards friends and family.

lucybooz

it seems to me that the alcoholic thinks of noone but themselves, and sometimes they don't even think of themselves. they are not rational people.

i completely understand your anger, but don't waste it on him. he doesn't care right now.

try to calm down. this is one of the best places to vent anytime you want. i've vented often and i always feel better afterward. the people on this site are awesome.

Pick-a-name

I am sorry, I understand completely.

I think sometimes my AH honestly forgets (blackout/oversleeps/just plain drunk and doesn't want anyone know,etc).......whatever, and then when he DOES remember, it is too late or he is ashamed and feels badly or doesn't want to hear how he "blew it" (again...so he ignores the whole thing. Sad and infuriating.

Could that be the case? Cold he be really bothered by her leaving?

Then again.maybe he gets put-out and angry when he feels that way (mine does) and does hurtful things to "show us"....

Whatever it is.........I am sorry for you and your daughter. That is the kind of thing that I hate most about the alcoholism.

Hugs to you; and prayers.

kermit

I have no real good idea why he didn't call. He didn't and once again hurt our daughter.

When will they ever get it? Kids are #1.
Why are they so selfish? (the drunk.)or is that my imagination running away agin?

CajunGirl

They may never get it. I can understand your hurt and anger. Unfortunately, in my case, my AH only thinks of his own needs and they are #1 for him. He NEVER even considers my needs or his daughter's needs. Yes, it hurts others but whether they (the AH) just don't see it or don't care, I don't know. It does seem like a very selfish behavior. I'm sorry for you and your daughter.

mallowcup

When alcoholics hurt us it's one thing, but something entirely different when they hurt the ones we love. Words are free and even that is to much for him. For all the encouragement an alcoholic expects, thye don't reciprocate. It makes it very hard to even give them the time of day.

Pick-a-name

You said a mouthful here...............so true!!!!!!!

ASpouse

You all give very rational "explanations" ..... but what you are all forgetting is that alcoholics aren't rational.

Kermit, you will have to pick up the slack where your husband fails so miserably as a father. Your daughter does not need to hear or see you feeling so terrible that her father didn't call her. If you feel bad, then she will just feel bad also. Tell her the truth ..... he's an alcoholic, he has no clue what is going on ..... he loves her, unfortunately he's having a hard time showing it right now. At least that's what I would do and I think I've done pretty good so far with my kids.

Pick-a-name

All that you say ASpouse is very true.........I can easily tell my kids that (and believe it) but sometimes making myself remeber it (at the moment it "happens") is sometimes a different matter. I guess my kids have gotten the message because they remind me now from time to time.

ASpouse

I know, it is so much easier said than done, but I suppose I can't comprehend the "complaining" about it, when the person that can ease the pain is right there, kermit! I mean, I know it's not the girls dad, but kermit is her mom, and that is just as good if not better.

Alcoholics are selfish, self centered folks while drinking and I hate it, simply hate it, that our co-dependent behavior makes us exactly the same, without the booze!!! (Sometimes I'll get a flashback of my behavior while my H was drinking and I just shake my head in bewilderment ....... that wasn't possibly me behaving that way was it?)

kermit

Just to let you all know, I didn't mention anything about this to my Daughter, nor did she say anything. i was the angry one. She didn't see my anger. boyfriend and I took her to the airport to meet up with the rest of the group, we made sure she was happy and that she was going. NO ONEMENTIONED DAD. I'm 100% there for my kids, they do not see me cry. They hear me tell them I love them and that daddy does too. I'm one hell of a Mom! Why do u think I kicked him out so quicky after he indangered my daughter? That night his ass was gone. I do not lie or hide anything from my kids.