L8YNRED

I've been living alone for three weeks now. It's new to me. It has some good points, like I always get to be in control of the remote. I get to pick all the movies at the video store and they can all be mushy chick flicks if I want. I don't have to make dinner if I don't feel like and when I do feel like it I make what I want. I clean house when the mood strikes me. I get to pick the radio station or the CD's and whether the stereo or the TV is on and how loud it is going to be. I get the whole bed and all the covers to myself (didn't think I'd like that one as much as I do).

The bad parts are waking up alone in an empty house, carrying my own firewood, knowing there is no one to call for rescue if I break down or run out of gas and stuff like that. So I'm trying to change my morning routine so as to fill it up more (eat breakfast, exercise, throw some laundry in, get ready for work). I remind myself that in my new car I have Roadside Assistance and in my old truck - well, I have money so I can afford a tow truck if I need one so I'm okay there too.

I'm going to be all right. I get lonesome, I get scared, I get the blues (o poor me I will be alone forever no one will ever love me and I'm just a pile of pity).

I wrote myself a note on the chalkboard by the phone:
"YOU ARE NOT ALONE - GOD IS WITH YOU"

And I have you guys.

LaTeeDa

I can relate. When my AH first moved out, I reveled in being alone. (I have two kids, so I don't get much alone time) But now, when the kids are with him and I am all alone, I don't enjoy it so much. I wrote in my journal last week about it. I really thought I liked being alone, but I don't. No words of wisdom here, just that I know how you feel. Especially the firewood part. LOL I had a monitor heater installed just so I didn't *have* to do the fire...........

L8YNRED

I like the fire, so I will carry the wood. Maybe my arms and back will get stronger.

LaTeeDa

I like the fire, too. And I still do it, but only when I want to. Before the monitor, the only heat was wood. Now I have options. Just like you do with the roadside assistance. And we are both getting stronger, not just physically.

nutz

Paradize !!!!!!!!!! The remote, remote
I'm 39 and the first time I've ever live by myself was last year.
All my fears came upon me. I was so wacked. A lost puppy
follwed me home the first night just to keep me company...wierd !

It was one of the most growth and wonderful experience I had.

I cried for a week..it's a good thing nobody saw me.lol
The house was a total mess at first, but I started cleaning.
I started crying even , when throwing out stuff and cleaning
the closet. I had a hell of a time letting go.
All my friends tripped...."you're house is clean, dude!!!!"
"You're lying ....there's a chick in your life."

I even started re-decorating the bed room. I like my bed room
to like a santuary. Moon and sun , plants. I even put glow in the dark
star all over the wall....What youknow.... I can do whatever I want.
I stated jumping on my bed and furniture, just for kicks.
Wow!!!!!!...... I'm FREE !!!!!!
Went the party store and bought confity and threw al over the
house just becuase I could.
Yeah....Got out "HOUSE OF THE HOLY" and blast crap out of it.
And go right Matalica if I wanted too.
Come and go as I please, Eat whatever I wanted. Peaple , freinds
called me at anytime and I can talk to whoever.

No more fights, no more headache.
It was peace,clam, and serene.
Slept like a baby, started showning up to work on time.
My boss almost had a heart attack.lol
Everybody stated noticing the differents.

I found out.ya know, I not hard to live with

Thursday night..I love thursday night.
I go do lundry....yummi
I always had a book and extra quaters.lol
Gosh...so, so, much more I can write about..all the different stages.
it's a trip. I was happy..stupid happy. I didn't feel alone, god
was in my life, plus I have friends...you know the healthy stuff
you're suppose to have in a healthy life.
No more jelousy issues.

A good thing came to an end too....damn it

I came home one night after a meeting.
had 1 chick on the cell, two came crashing at my door.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass.

Don't worry...you'll probably have to fight them off too.
Here's my suggestion.
Let's see....don't let them know where you live.lol
I miss being single.

meli2005

I love your honesty. I like what you wrote on the chalkboard, we should all remember that. We are not alone. It is scary living alone, being in charge of it all, no one to call for little things, etc.

Gabe

L8Y, I found a beautiful picture the other day called "you are never alone".
I thought I would share it with you.

cwohio

L8Y - i know the feeling too. it's been a long time since i have lived by myself - well, not having someone physically here. most times i am at peace with it but i do have moments. i too was praying this morning that i am not alone, but that God was always there to love me. you are not alone in your feelings!
((L8Y)

BTW - gabe - that is a beautiful picture!

Cap3

Great post,thanks for sharring.You are not alone-God is with you.Yes!!!.And He will fill any void.
Aloneness,is a state of mind.Ive been in a room full of people,and felt all alone.Years ago i was going through some awful "stuff".Was in great fear.The good intentions of folks,trying to make me do what they thought was best,was really getting to me.Although trying to be helpful,and this im grategul for,but i was feeling,i just needed time out.Time to myself.To be alone,phyically,from the chatter,chatter,of others.They told me not to isolate,but i did anyways..lol.Was the best thing that i ever did.A good friend of mine,said to me,if i dont enjoy my own company,why would i expect others to enjoy my company?..lol..Through being phyically alone,i was learning alot,about myself.Getting a closer relationship with God.I never felt alone.Ever.Through prayer/medition,that void inside left me.It was a really great spiritual experience.And its one that i do every now and then.To be alone,with God.Even when folks are around.When i go to bed,with hub,im still alone,in my conscious,and God.
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless and take care!!!

zoe

And you have yourself. Never underestimate the power of your own company, sometimes it is better than the company of others.

L8YNRED

Thanks to you all - when I get lonely I can always come here.

Kellye C

You also have us!

I could really relate to this. Yesterday was 2 weeks since I booted my ex-SO out of my life and today is 2 weeks since I found out that on top of all the lies he tried to kill himself and drank. It's been a rough 2 weeks but I am starting to realize that I am going to be fine. You will be fine too!

Use this time to be good to yourself. Treat yourself. Spoil yourself. You deserve it. You are wonderful. You are you!

Have a great weekend!

Hugs,
Kellye

chrisea

It's been almost a year for me on my own... & I love it. It sometimes takes a couple rough relationships to realize that the older you get... it's more likely that you are all you got. And to Enjoy it. For the little things, sure I would like to have someone to help out. I have lived my life doing all the little things, by myself, even when I was married. My xh bought me roadside service for Christmas, many yrs ago. I keep it paid up, and now I have a number to call and they usually help you with a smile. Now I am the one to come home, prop up my feet and watch my movies

cupowater

Gosh. I remember those days. In my apartment. Of course, I am alone tonight as most nights. He is at the bar. And if he dosen't go there, he is passed out on the living room couch! Congratulations. The tough stuff will pass, you will become stronger.

miss communicat

I also live alone and have come to think I live in paradise. Such freedom!

And its true, isnt SR wonderful? When you do feel lonely or sociable or ANYTHING, you can always post and share your dear heart with us.

We are always open to you!

LeafOnTheWind

I've been living on my my own for the first time in 52 years since December. After a rough month or so, I've been enjoying my freedom. In fact, my AH is worried about me because I seem to be enjoying my aloneness and my own company too much. LOL!

I have an online family where I share tv fandom, and also come here to share the joy and tears that come with breaking free of loved ones with addiction.

When I look ahead to the future and it looks empty and I panic and start to feel that scary feeling that comes with being alone sometimes, I revel in it for a minute or two and then forceably shake it off and bring myself into the present and look around at all the blessings that are in my life. Three healthy kids, one grandchild on the way, a good job, many nice supportive friends, a great extended family, my health, the ability to reach out to others, a love of life and chocolate, and the knowledge that there is a force bigger than I am that I am a part of - and that makes us mighty.

Hang in there - things will get easier for you, if you let them. *hugs*

robina

Since my daughter moved out, I've enjoyed being alone for the most part.

The only problem is the occasional feelings of lonliness, and the lack of that special closeness and intimacy you can share with a loving man.

But part of me is scared of starting to date again. I've only ever experienced pain and sorrow from my romantic relationships. Part of me feels like it is safer just to be alone for the rest of my life than risk letting a man get close to me again.

L8YNRED

You guys are great - I'm not even alone in my alone-ness.

I had a good weekend. Went to my old hometown and went dancing with a girlfriend. It was a blast. Then I spent the night with my aunt, who is such a wonderful hostess it was like being in a high dollar bed and breakfast- such a treat. I picked up my mom and we went for a ride through the hills to the cemetery where my stepchildren put my late husband (long ugly story but the short version is they took his ashes from the memorial service, had another memorial service to which I was not invited, and had him interred without me and against his wishes). Anyhow, we went to find where they put him so I could tell him I was sorry that I didn't get to do what he said he wanted and for not being kinder to him in his sickness (I was much too sick myself to be truly compassionate while he drank himself to death). I feel better about that now.

As for the xbf, I was within blocks of where he is staying and didn't go check on him or make contact. I started to at one point, had my car pointed that direction on the highway, but there was a huge traffic jam and I decided maybe god didn't want me going in that direction so I got off the highway and went the other way. I feel pretty good about that, too.

I'm going to be okay. I'll be hitting a f2f tonight and attending an aa/alanon conference this coming weekend. Keeping busy helps.

I'm liking living alone much better. I'll just keep telling myself all about the good parts. You guys are right - there is much freedom in it.

Jinx40

While I am new to the board, I am not new at getting comfortable in my own skin. I left my husband in 93 and it took me awhile to get the monkey's off my back. Needed to learn how to enjoy my own company and get out, do things on my own. It took me almost a year, but it was sweet when things came together (I still remember). Just relax and things take there course - try to get out even if it's to a movie, dinner,whatever.

elizabeth1979

Me too me too!
I used to get up, only in enough time to get out the door.
Now I driunk my coffee, instead of guzzling. I pick up the house, I start some laundry, I pack my lunch, and play with my dog!


Me too!