Pick-a-name

PROGRESSION: Am I correct to assume this includes the "ISMS" as much as the actual intake of alcohol? My veil of denial seems to be lifting a lot lately and what I notice is frightening but reassuring in some stange way. Actually; that has always been what I objected to....the selfish, angry, inpatient,etc,etc BEHAVIORS. A new one has really caught my attention lately that is still surprising and crushes me when it happens (I do not know why I can not get this from my brain to my gut that THIS IS EXPECTED BEHAVIOR FROM AN ACTIVE A! ) We have been together 30 years; most of those years he was honest and trustworthy. He is not anymore. He seems to have the maturity, judgement and hormones (with OW) of a 17 year old.UGH.

It was bad enough when he came home and stayed in front of the TV everynight until he lumbered up and passed out into a sticky, snoring blob.
Now it is worse: moved out, parties, (he didn't like those at 20!)women who fuss over him and his porsche,etc. He is a "wine conisieur" (sp?) now and loves researching and sampling wines (former beer drinker,only...still buy 12 pks,though). He is divorcing me because I am obviosly mistaken that his drinking causes any problems. (Kids refuse to live with him; called in at work for time twice I know of for something..he is the boss but now works for people he sold his company to)

Is this also "PROGRESSION"? I am thinking "yes"; no matter how much he is drinking. What do you people who know more about this think?

FriendofBill

Yes, it is progression.

Every symptom progresses, not just the alcohol intake.

Symptoms: Self-centeredness, anger, fear, arrogance, blame...it all escalates.

Im sorry your hurting. Cant remember if you attend al anon? I do..works for me!

Zoey

Pick... I agree with FOB, but I think some times different drinks affect us differently too. Might be wine that causes different reactions, but really doesn't matter, it is just progressess. Some seem mellow on beer, but become violent on the hard stuff. etc. All are different, and all different with the progression. How sad to watch this. I understand the need to talk about what we wonder about. HUGS

Pick-a-name

Thanks both of you. It gets confusing to me sometimes; especially not around him every day. (easier to forget the bad and easier for him to put on a "better show").

FoB; haven't been to Al-Anon for awhile but looking for a new group. I have been talking to some new friends in recovery to check out some mew options. Think I need to go back to the one group and just try it again,also. Alot going on here, but more reason to find a meeting.

I do have all the Al-anon literature and have been reading faithfully, M. Beatty and here. It's just been a really rough spell; divorce proceedings, AH's surgery for prostate cancer (did well and no further treatment) but OW,etc holidays, and 30 years down the drain........you all know the story and feelings.

My head is starting to really understand and the grieving is intense; my heart still won't let go........it is so difficult, but you all know that,too.

I pray my children do not loose the financial security we had; I feel like I will, and I see it going already for all of us. An alcoholic with money and a deflated ego is a dangerous thing! Good Lord, my son just got a text message from him that he has IM now................ The man is insane; truly.

Thanks again. Yes; meeting/s this week is a must.

Pick-a-name

Guess I didn't realize that. He was angry and raged at home on the beer. Maybe this explains (besides the $) how he can be involved with these women. (also his equipment wasn't working with all the beer; even if you could stand the smell and he was "awake")

haha...thanks

reader

Hi Pick-a name I am sorry u are going through this. It must be devasting to be in your situation after 30 years of marriage. You mentioned that u felt those years where down the drain, if u get upset with my positve twist just hit me with a wet noodle. You have gotten great kids out of your marriage, it has made u the strong women u are today, I have even noticed what a compassionate gal u are on SR. You can't be married 30 years and not have learned and changed with the years. It molded u into who u are today and I for 1, and many on here would aggree with me, our proud to know u and look up to u. Try not to look at those years as wasted, they are what they are, As Pumba would "say but your past in your behind", and just look forward. Oh my, I need to stop watching cartoons. Oh well, keep your chin up and remember we are here for u!!!!

Beautiful

I'm with FoB. I would suggest a little less compassion for his ridiculous, ludicrous behavior and a little more energy spent putting you and your family back together so your children aren't scarred for life from his sh*tty behavior.

That's a bit harsh, I know. Someone had to say it to me in order for me to really see the light.

I do understand the financial part of it -- that is a realistic fear. So also is allowing your children to hang out with him so he can potentially poison them a bit further. But, your life isn't about him. It's about you and your children. He can either get it together or get out. There's also a food for thought that I considered as well: What was *I* teaching my children? I was teaching them that Mom was a doormat, a secretary, a verbal whipping post, "needy", and had no rights to life other than what my AH thought I should have.

Translation: My children will choose to pick a mate like me or like him. Either option insured that I failed as a parent.

Good luck!