herewegoagain

About a year before I met my husband, I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, David. He was very emotionally abusive and obsessive. After breaking up with him, he would repeatedly drive by my apartment, mail me letters, and leave notes on my car. I even caught him sitting outside my apartment one night, and he had the girl he was supposedly dating with him ! One time he mailed a letter to J shortly after J moved in with me, to tell him I was psychotic, a "bar *****" (his words)..and even went so far as to research his "diagnosis" on me and print up copies of it as "proof", and made a CD of songs that "described" me. He was doing all this because he felt I owed him money, and his letters were continually threatening to take me to court. I tried to get a restraining order against him then, but apparantly he hadn't harassed me enough under the eyes of the law. The magistrate believed me, however, and told David to leave me alone. I got fed up and paid him the money. Part of me wishes I hadn't, but we were in the process of planning our wedding, and I figured - it's only money, and if it'll get him to leave me alone then he can have it. So we got married, moved to a house, I got a different vehicle and a different job. I thought it was in the past.

Fast-forward six years. My coworker who works the graveyard shift called me a while ago to tell me she got a really bizarre call at 4:30 am this morning. A woman called claming to be from our local police department. I've spoken with our police officers before, and they always say "this is officer so and so, with ** police department." This person didn't do that. Also, she was calling from a blocked number, something else they don't do. So they said that there was an abandonded black BMW in the parking lot here at work, supposedly registered to me (she gave my name) and some other woman, and they were wanting to know if I work there. First of all, I've never owned a BMW. Second, there was no car matching that description in our parking lot. Third, even if there was, they don't call people - they put this fluorescent red sticker on it, and after a week they tow it. So my coworker refused to say whether or not I worked there, but she asked how they got my name. They said they ran the plate and then found me in the university directory where I work. As far as I know, the police don't have that, but whatever. So my coworker said she could take a message and forward it to someone to have it looked into, and she asked for their name. They said "nevermind - we'll just tow it." It's obviously a bogus phone call. I don't owe anybody any money and there's no reason somebody would need to search for me - certainly not at 4:30 in the morning. The only thing I can think of is David has decided that after 6 years, he still can't let go. And the really weird thing is - it was a woman calling. Assuming he's behind this, I have no idea who he'd put up to do that, not that that really matters.

Needless to say I'm completely freaked out and not sure what to do. I have a male coworker that I know wouldn't mind walking me to my car if needed. I come to work and leave during daylight, so that's good. I'm worried though that assuming David is behind this, that he'll find out where I live (if he hasn't already) and my house will get broken into. I'm also home alone at least twice a week - once while J is at lodge, and on Sundays while he's at work. He's never been a physical threat in the past, but I know that could have easily changed. Just the thought of him watching me really really gives me the creeps.

Advice ? Should I try talking to the police ?

gelfling

I think going on record with the police department is a good idea. Get it documented. It may not be David but some other nut. But letting them know all the details of the call is a good idea. That way, in the event (God forbid) something does come out of this, you're on record that you reported the threatening call.

fixyou

It is so hard to live day to day not knowing if he will decide that his life sucks and to start in on you again. I understand this feeling, I have a similar situation with old friends of my daughters. My daughter no longer lives with me and hasn't for a few years but her baby's father seems to take out his anger on my house and cars every time he comes back into town. I have had my Mercedes covered in paint in the middle of a snow storm, so I could not wash it off since the water coming out of the hose was freezing on top of the paint, he has even poured lighter fluid on my drive way and lite it on fire. Each time the police came out and made a report but the have been unable to pick him up and charge him. The police sd that since they did not see it happen and since I was unable to detain him until they arrived there is no proof. I have a feeling the police in your area will tell you the same thing, call us when you have evidence. But I do have to say that it never hurts to make a police report, at least there is a record that you were concerned. I have since installed motion security cameras around my house and had to resort to buying a gun. The other thing you may want to check into is the stalking laws of your state. Some states have great stalking laws that can protect you, others have none. Thank goodness your co-worker was fast thinking and gave the caller no info.
Be careful and watch your surrounds, make sure you have eyes in the back of your head.

herewegoagain

Thanks....I just wasn't sure if filing a report would even be worthwhile. I'm going to have my coworker email me stating what she told me, so I can turn that in too. Unfortunately, the laws in my state regarding stalking seem to be pretty lame. I mean, I had all the evidence last time, but I guess they have to do it a certain amount of times within a thirty day period, and he fell short of that requirement. ~sigh~ I really don't want to start living like a prisoner again - constantly watching my surroundings, being full of anxiety. I wish he'd just get over himself already. Psycho.

Pick-a-name

It's creepy, isn't it?! We have had some psycho neighbors and now I think it is the stalker "girlfriend" I think my AH has (we are separated) that do odd-ball things. People can be very strange.

Be careful!

BlueMoon

Definitely go down to the police station and talk with someone - then there'll be an official record of it. HOPEFULLY, you won't ever need that, but it'll BE there IF you need it down the road.

Stay Safe!

Blue

velma929

Definately go to the police. It sounds, actually, like a great thing to fill out the news, if they can do it w/out using your name...to have the police remind the general public, "This is how we do business. We always identify ourselves. We call during regular business hours," etc.

I've declined to give out names and addresses before, but no one has ever claimed they were police officers. One day a man showed up at my apt. door with a stuffed animal. Said he'd been on a picnic with "S" and her daughter left the toy behind, did she live in this building? I said if his date wanted him to know where she lived, she could tell him. And by the way, who let him in the locked front door? He left. How dumb was it to answer a knock on the door? Pretty dumb. Lucky he wasn't stalking me.

herewegoagain

What a great idea !

It is creepy....particularly after this amount of time. I asked my husband what he thought (as far as it being David)...he said he didn't know, that his first thought was that it was my mother. Long story with that one - short version is I cut her out of my life because she's very abusive - both mentally and physically. She's an alcoholic, prescription drug addict, and has mental health issues. My immediate thought at first was maybe it was her, too. At least if it was her, I wouldn't necessarily feel like I was in any danger, she's just a pain in the a**.

I don't know...I suppose I should just quit racking my brain because it's very obvious that it was a bogus call, and I have no way of finding out for sure who it was.

I got my coworker to email me about the call for documentation, so I can turn it in with the police report.

You know - I live a quiet life. I work full-time, I'm pregnant and have a two year old, and am going back to college next week to pursue my bachelor's in nursing. I don't bother anybody and mind my own business (well, unless it pertains to my husband's drinking, lol ). I don't have the time or desire for this kind of crap in my life. I guess the dysfunctional people in my past are envious of that or something.

BlueMoon

Ya know - I think that's what it sounds and feels like when we've Let Go - (or when we're ready to!) -

velma's post really hit me between the eyes! This could have nothing to do with your x - take it to the police and Be Safe!


Blue