robina

The horrible thing is that when a man we know and love forces sex on us, or refuses to take "no" for an answer, we often blame ourselves, and we don't name it for what it is - which is rape.

Gabe

Wow Anguished, how brave you are to have shared something so painful.
That is a sign of inner strength on your part.
In the midst of all the turmoil this must be causing in your heart, take a moment to be grateful for that strength.
Embarrassed...isn't it sad that we feel embarrassed about the bad things that others do to us?
Like it's some reflection on who "we" are?
It's not, not one bit.
You listen to that inner voice of yours that led you here to share and seek support.
She will see you far.
Sending some love and light your way.

Tally

My heart goes out to you, you must be feeling kinda shell shocked right now.

Do NOT feel embarrassed, these where not your actions, you did not ask for this, nor did you cause it to happen. You have EVERY right to say no, and for no to mean NO.

You probably feel quite shocked, wondering if it was your fault etc etc...it wasn't. It may be easier said than done but please get away from this animal.
He WILL do it again. They always do. He might cry, swear it was the drinks fault, beg for forgiveness etc. but the fact remains the same, he WILL do it again.
Just as most behaviour is learnt, if you stay and forgive him he will learn that what he did was actually not so bad, that he recieved no retribution for his actions, so next time he is drunk and horny what is likely to happen if you refuse him?

It may be difficult to prove rape in a court, but do the next best thing you can and save yourself from this ever happening again. The only punishment you can deal to this beast is to leave him on his own to deal with his ****. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions for once.

Fair enough, support the alcoholic, but not the rapist.

(((((Hugs)))))

Anguished

I again want to thank everyone that responded to my post. You are truely a remarkable group of people and I appreciate your support.

When I got in the door last night the apologizes came along with the tears of sorrow. I think we need different living arrangements sooner than we had planned. We'll be discussing that over the weekend.

Today I awoke to a very stiff body and lots of bruises. This will be a daily reminder until the weekend that he could do this again.

Wishing u Peace & Love,
Anguished

gelfling

Anguished,

Please keep posting here. Someone is always here.

Blessings

Nony

For what it is worth, my advice would be to take pictures of the bruises and/or marks and then keep them in a safe place or give them to someone else for safekeeping. Even if you do not decide to pursue it legally now (or ever), you may find that at some point in the future, you will wish you had documentation or proof of what happened. I say this for a couple of reasons - one is that you will always be able to look at them and remember. Our brains are wired to protect us and denial is a very powerful urge. Victims tend to try and forget and over time we even tell ourselves it wasn't so bad. If, God forbid, it should ever happen again and you decide you do want to pursue it legally, you can show a pattern, a history - this makes it easier for the judicial system to take action. They usually react less to something they only see as a one-time only situation than to a pattern. For example, where I live, in order to get a restraining order, you have to show three separate instances of harrassment. So, in other words, you may not see the value in documenting the bruises now, but it may prove invaluable later. And take them soon if you choose to do this - before they fade or heal.

I don't want to seem like a downer, or a pessimist - I'm just a realist. I have worked with battered women, victims of domestic violence and abuse for many years. I have also been hurt, too. My ex-husband, while we were separated but not divorced, and I got into a verbal fight that turned physical. It seemed like a really rough shoving match but I wouldn't have considered it physical abuse until the next day when I realized my arms were covered in bruises - defense marks. He denied hurting me but couldn't deny the pictures I had as proof. Looking at those pictures disgusted me at the time but having worked in social services, I forced myself to let a co-worker take them. I was later glad that I had them. Now, five years and one divorce later, I look at them and let myself remember why he is now an EX-husband.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Nony

PS - Sistercare hotline 800-922-2283

escape artist

it would be good to learn how to kick them in the balls when you feel as though they may try to attack you. It has been my only defense before, as my legs are longer than the rest of me. It puts them down instantly and you can run like hell away from them.