bahookie

Or is my optomism just becoming clawing?

Things are slightly improved. I seem to have cut through the **** and can see the quacking as soon as it starts. Most of it isn't even logical ...

"All I know is that I feel like crap when I'm around you, you never say anything positive to me"
I'm constantly trying to support you, cheer you on, you know that's just not true - trouble is you don't want to hear it
"No, I don't want to hear the nice things you say"

Ah well, that'll mean I say them.

Usually she'd carry on with another few hours of nasty mud-slinging, but you know what? She just shuts up. She's either given up, got so low or really doesn't car.

I knew that boundaries would be tough to stick to, but this is awful.. I feel like a bully.

Even though I know that's daft!

J
xxxx

bikewench

(((Jane.....)))

Yah...
how come we feel like bullies when we take care of ourselves..??
and selfish...
how well we were conditioned to the codie way of life.

When I first went into recovery... I was told that the people around me would resist my change... and probably excalate their behaviors or introduce new ones to try to get me back into my place in the dysfunctional system.

John Bradshaw gave a marvelous analogy.
he outlined the dysfunctional family like a hanging mobile...
When he would set one piece in motion... the rest of the mobile would move.
and that is wrong for us humans.

We need to be able to move without having to worry about setting the rest of the mobile into random chaotic motion...
like what happens with our families and loved ones when we exist in or try to leave our dysfunction.

Melody Beatty said it best about the basics of a healthy relationship.

I can be me.
you can be you.
and we can be ourselves together.

Everything else is smoke.

I'm sure in your heart you know your on the right path...

Praying for strength of purpose and clarity of thought for you gurl....