pmaslan

guess I am not totally over my exA after all.
Friday night he called around 11pm I didn't answer, he left a message.
He said "I'm drunk...see ya later no I won't, talk to you later, I'm drunk bye"
Very glad I didn't take that call.
Next night he calls again I didn't answer. He left another message.
Went on and on about how he wants me to find peace...he can't,
then told me that he was heading down to the VFW for a beer....
He said it's been awhile since he had one...OMG he didn't even remember calling me the night before when he called to tell me he was drunk. I just cried after listening to that message...
After all this time....still no job, car, lost the life we had together and he is still drinking...The only good thing is that I don't have to watch it anymore.
I'm sure he won't remember that call either.
Just makes me sad to know that he isn't any better, such a waste.

Jazzman

Oh man! Have you thought about changing your number?

pmaslan

No I really don't want to change it I use it for business.
When I move in a couple of weeks I will not be getting another land phone.
He rarely calls that's why I was suprised that he called 2 days in a row.
As long as I stay strong and let it go to VM I will be fine. I do have a choice to delete or listen....eventually I will learn to delete.

equus

Don't give up hope for him - just let him go. Luckily years ago D made that decision for me and I never tried to find him or stay in touch - I just presumed as he wanted to drink himself to death he would!

It took a decade for me to learn not to write people off - he came back, found me again after a month sober and having rebuilt his life, and most of all a HUGE attitude shift, he wanted to live!

It's still a bumpy road but a very different one.

Let him go but you never know one day maybe he will learn he wants life for himself.

pmaslan

Equus... I have let him go ...well physically that is....in my heart he is still there.
I pray for him all the time. I would love to get the call one day from him, saying he too chooses life....
I am so happy that D is making the changes neccessary to enjoy life...and he is very lucky to have you.....

equus

Perhaps that is as it should be? Not expecting D toeven be alive I missed my friend but didn't hold any dream of seeing him again, or wait for him. However I'm not so sure we can banish people from our heart, the fond memories are always there and how we value them as a human being perhaps should always be there too.

So many people have passed through my life and from time to time they cross my mind, I still have a place for them inside but that doesn't mean I can or would try to have more. There are people who have died, people who live thousands of miles away with no phone contact or means to write. To lose the memory or forget what anyone is worth would seem an awful shame to me.

None of that means you should pick up the phone - I think you're doing the right thing but what you feel is very natural - if that makes sense?

pmaslan

Perfect sense......

Brammy

P

I am new at letting go of mine. He still calls and I sometimes make the mistake of picking up the phone. The thing is, when he calls, I am satisfied that he is still alive and this is another day for him to make a choice. Maybe he will choose to live, maybe not.

Even though I have let go of him, it may just be harder for him to let go of me. I have to respect that. I did nothing to cause him pain and although I can't count the amount of pain he has put me through it was still hard.


I hope you understabd what I'm trying to say. Sometimes its hard to express what is so new.

cwohio

((patty)) what equus says is true. he may never be out of your heart completely, but you have moved on and you don't need to respond. you've come a long way!

pmaslan

Thanks Christie...you're right I have come a long way. No matter how much I try to
understand this awful disease I just can't accept it I guess. I still wonder why someone would choose to live life that way. It really is a choice, just ashame that's all.

cwohio

i know the feeling patty - it's hard to understand when we don't walk in those shoes. it truly is a shame!

sunshinebluesky

that is such a nice,realistic way to look at it!! ive been looking alot at the people in my life who i have had to let go. and i was thinking that my grudges and bad feelings really dont last. after time goes by,i find they do fade and i can even feel good about the person.
there are some that,i dont feel all that good,but yet dont feel that strong heartfelt pissed off feeling,or heartfelt hurt feeling.....more like a--dont know how to describe it...maybe just gray?

ive been feeling recently better about my ex a. and then thinking i am crazy for it. but what you said right there fits perfectly.about him and some others that have been in my life. i think its healthy,actually.