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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: england
Posts: 47
results are in
Hi everyone
Well this might turn into a bit of a long post, so i will apologise before i even begin.
I've had the results of seans brain scan in, there has been slightly more damage since his last set of scan's were done,noone seems to know why or whats going on ,but they are hopefull that things will settle down, He's going to need alot odf surport in his future, but no one can really tell me what his long term outlook will be, I feel kinda stressed out at the moment, everything seems to be happening at once, and im finding it hard to put things in order.especilally looking at seans future and trying to make it as normal as possible.
As for my A, well some of u may no that he let me down monday, after promisimg me he would take me up to seans school for aimportant meeting, i've got a thing about traveling, but guess what i did it, and i did it on my own
Im preety proud of myself, but i have to day i was a complete wreak,on the day,I think poeple thought i was a mad woman , i had my bit of paper with a list of all the train sations that i would have to go through, and every 5 mins i would ask the person sitting next to me , if this train was going to 7 oaks ( bet he thought i was a right whally
)
Anyway , doing that has made me question , why im still with my A, im doing everything on my own, im surporting myself and my kids and im now at uni, so why cant i let this man go?
I just dont know. I havent made any contact with him since saturday, he texed me monday, but i was so wiped out that i didnt bother to reply, and i havent made any contact with him since, but i know that he will phone or turn up again soon, and i just dont know what to do or how to react to him.I still love him , but the rational part of my head tells me that im getting nothibng out of this relationship,no affection, surport, or love, except when it suits him. But i still baulk at the idea of leaving him, A big part of me wants to scream at him that he's not the only guy on the planet, that if he dosent want me , there are others that do, but the other part, the stupid "if only part" holds me back, IM totally confused, angry and resentfull at him, it would be easier if he just didnt call or come round anymore.
To make matters worse, i was asked out at the weekend by a really nice man, but i turned him down, because, i still love my A,and i still want things to work with my A.
What i dont want is to still be in this situation 5 years down the track,looking back at all the opportunities i've missed.
Reading back on this , it seems so clear as to what i should do,,,,,,,,,,but its not that easy,(but then maybe it is, maybe im making excuses for myself).
Oh i dont know ,i feel like im going round in circles at the moment, soulsd i stay , should i go, should i do this for sean, shouild i not, should i tell my mum to butt out etc etc,
I think im feeling worse than usual because i've got broncitus,so please forgive me moaning on and on.
I think what we ALL need is a holiday, hire some fab island, where its dead hot, and relaxing, no phones or anything, and we should all go there for two weeks, have fun meet each other face to face, and do nothing but laugh and sod about, ANYONE UP FOR IT:p
Heaven. Ok so that was my little dream , back to reality now folks, sorry for rabbiting on,but it helps to let rip on here,i dont feel so alone, and i know that im still taking baby steps , but i sometimes feel that im falling on my arse more than times than im standing on my feet.
:ohno!: :ohno!: :ohno!:
Well i had better go do some work, i spose, thanks for listening guy's, im going to go buy a nice padded cushion to protect my butt, lololo
love to all spin
Well this might turn into a bit of a long post, so i will apologise before i even begin.
I've had the results of seans brain scan in, there has been slightly more damage since his last set of scan's were done,noone seems to know why or whats going on ,but they are hopefull that things will settle down, He's going to need alot odf surport in his future, but no one can really tell me what his long term outlook will be, I feel kinda stressed out at the moment, everything seems to be happening at once, and im finding it hard to put things in order.especilally looking at seans future and trying to make it as normal as possible.
As for my A, well some of u may no that he let me down monday, after promisimg me he would take me up to seans school for aimportant meeting, i've got a thing about traveling, but guess what i did it, and i did it on my own
Im preety proud of myself, but i have to day i was a complete wreak,on the day,I think poeple thought i was a mad woman , i had my bit of paper with a list of all the train sations that i would have to go through, and every 5 mins i would ask the person sitting next to me , if this train was going to 7 oaks ( bet he thought i was a right whally
)Anyway , doing that has made me question , why im still with my A, im doing everything on my own, im surporting myself and my kids and im now at uni, so why cant i let this man go?
I just dont know. I havent made any contact with him since saturday, he texed me monday, but i was so wiped out that i didnt bother to reply, and i havent made any contact with him since, but i know that he will phone or turn up again soon, and i just dont know what to do or how to react to him.I still love him , but the rational part of my head tells me that im getting nothibng out of this relationship,no affection, surport, or love, except when it suits him. But i still baulk at the idea of leaving him, A big part of me wants to scream at him that he's not the only guy on the planet, that if he dosent want me , there are others that do, but the other part, the stupid "if only part" holds me back, IM totally confused, angry and resentfull at him, it would be easier if he just didnt call or come round anymore.
To make matters worse, i was asked out at the weekend by a really nice man, but i turned him down, because, i still love my A,and i still want things to work with my A.
What i dont want is to still be in this situation 5 years down the track,looking back at all the opportunities i've missed.
Reading back on this , it seems so clear as to what i should do,,,,,,,,,,but its not that easy,(but then maybe it is, maybe im making excuses for myself).
Oh i dont know ,i feel like im going round in circles at the moment, soulsd i stay , should i go, should i do this for sean, shouild i not, should i tell my mum to butt out etc etc,
I think im feeling worse than usual because i've got broncitus,so please forgive me moaning on and on.
I think what we ALL need is a holiday, hire some fab island, where its dead hot, and relaxing, no phones or anything, and we should all go there for two weeks, have fun meet each other face to face, and do nothing but laugh and sod about, ANYONE UP FOR IT:p
Heaven. Ok so that was my little dream , back to reality now folks, sorry for rabbiting on,but it helps to let rip on here,i dont feel so alone, and i know that im still taking baby steps , but i sometimes feel that im falling on my arse more than times than im standing on my feet.
:ohno!: :ohno!: :ohno!:
Well i had better go do some work, i spose, thanks for listening guy's, im going to go buy a nice padded cushion to protect my butt, lololo
love to all spin
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Spindell,
You say you don't want to be there in 5 years? How long Will you give it? Give that some thought and you could even share your decision with him. One time after a particular ugly thing that Ward did I simply told him that I would not be leaving today but I would not put up with that crap forever. I think it is fair to tell them what you are thinking...that you don't want to (or won't) be living like this 5 years from now. Not during a fight...you won't have any credibility. At least it is a heads up. And when you say something like that you cannot predict or control their reaction...so let that be his. You now know what you don't want...so define it a bit more.
Hugs,
JT
You say you don't want to be there in 5 years? How long Will you give it? Give that some thought and you could even share your decision with him. One time after a particular ugly thing that Ward did I simply told him that I would not be leaving today but I would not put up with that crap forever. I think it is fair to tell them what you are thinking...that you don't want to (or won't) be living like this 5 years from now. Not during a fight...you won't have any credibility. At least it is a heads up. And when you say something like that you cannot predict or control their reaction...so let that be his. You now know what you don't want...so define it a bit more.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Peoria, IL USA
Posts: 105
(((spindell)))
and when your in the midst of those circles your head is spinning in, find the 12 o'clock position and stop and take a deep breath every time you reach that point. You have sooo much on your plate. Don't forget to breath. You sound at the point I was at a year and a half ago, (if I am doing it all anyway). There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not the train. P.S. I just posted to diva about a nice vacation in the Carribean. Nice to dream. I guess that was my 12 o'clock deep breath. Will keep sean in my prayers.
and when your in the midst of those circles your head is spinning in, find the 12 o'clock position and stop and take a deep breath every time you reach that point. You have sooo much on your plate. Don't forget to breath. You sound at the point I was at a year and a half ago, (if I am doing it all anyway). There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not the train. P.S. I just posted to diva about a nice vacation in the Carribean. Nice to dream. I guess that was my 12 o'clock deep breath. Will keep sean in my prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: england
Posts: 47
Thanks jt and cheryl g
Your right j, t, i have worked out what i dont want , i guess i never actually thought about putting it to my A, i will tell him clearly and maybe start making some plans,
cheryl i will stop at twevle o'clock and catch my breath i must admit my head is doing the round and round stage alot right now, thanks for all your advice guys , it helps knowing that ur out there,
Tonight im going to chill out and read through the posts, thanks again,
love to u both spin
Your right j, t, i have worked out what i dont want , i guess i never actually thought about putting it to my A, i will tell him clearly and maybe start making some plans,
cheryl i will stop at twevle o'clock and catch my breath i must admit my head is doing the round and round stage alot right now, thanks for all your advice guys , it helps knowing that ur out there,
Tonight im going to chill out and read through the posts, thanks again,
love to u both spin
Paused
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Sean?
So the scan showed more damage? Is he ok? What will they do to address this? Did I miss an earlier post?
When the time comes, they tell me letting go of the A's in our life, well we will know it. I am like you in that I can't imagine doing this 5 yrs. from now. For me, it was a great step just coming to that. And the decision I'm not. I just keep living one day at a time and working on me. The healthier I get, the less I'm willing to tolerate.
Hang in there,
When the time comes, they tell me letting go of the A's in our life, well we will know it. I am like you in that I can't imagine doing this 5 yrs. from now. For me, it was a great step just coming to that. And the decision I'm not. I just keep living one day at a time and working on me. The healthier I get, the less I'm willing to tolerate.
Hang in there,
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Spin
I think that was very courageous of you to make your own way there. It might not sound like a big deal to some people, but I know that you had to dig deep to find the strength to do it and you should be very proud of yourself.
You already can and are looking after yourself, and that is one obstacle overcome in the fear of living alone. I agree with JT, you don't have to decide today, but you can tell him that remaining like this is not acceptable for you.
As you work your own recovery, you will stop spinning so much and regain your balance. Then you will be able to think more clearly and have confidence in your decisions. And the answers will come.
And I pray that your son will do well and live happy. Don't forget that he too has a Higher Power looking after him and that none of us can see into the future - so we try to find some joy in every day.
I think that was very courageous of you to make your own way there. It might not sound like a big deal to some people, but I know that you had to dig deep to find the strength to do it and you should be very proud of yourself.
You already can and are looking after yourself, and that is one obstacle overcome in the fear of living alone. I agree with JT, you don't have to decide today, but you can tell him that remaining like this is not acceptable for you.
As you work your own recovery, you will stop spinning so much and regain your balance. Then you will be able to think more clearly and have confidence in your decisions. And the answers will come.
And I pray that your son will do well and live happy. Don't forget that he too has a Higher Power looking after him and that none of us can see into the future - so we try to find some joy in every day.
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