I dont know what to title this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
I dont know what to title this
My H was so depressed lastnight, he wanted beer so bad. He was in such a bad mood, the neighbors asked why he was so crabby, I am so tired of answering other people's questions of why my H is the way he is.
It is really hard to be confident, with my answers and truthful. But I was lastnight, I told them, he wanted a beer and that is why he is acting the way he is.
I had questions at the wedding why he wasnt there. I had questions on my family vacation, why he wasnt sitting with the rest of us.
I think what bothers me the most, is that they look at me, like I can do something about it. The neighbors lastnight, Why isnt he coming in the pool with the rest of us?? Why is he so crabby?? What is wrong with him??
I just wanted to enjoy what I was doing, and I have enough answering for myself, I dont want to answer for him.
I think for now on, I am going to tell them without being rude, you need to ask him!!
Off Topic:
I came home from work yesterday, I got home late, because my oldest daughter called and wanted to come home. She was camping with a friend this week, she was suppose to make it through till Sunday, she called yesterday morning wanting to come home. Of course I was worried about what happened. Come to find out she was just miserable and wanted to come home.
My H didnt know I was so late, because he was sleeping, I came home 2 hours later than normal. The first thing he said when he opened his eyes.
Was I seeing a ghost, or am i having a F*****ng nightmare. I knew what he was saying, and I was thankful my daughter was in her room on the next floor. I wanted to jump him and beat the **** out of him. My daughter wasnt home for three days and the first thing he says to me was something negative. I would never actually hit him, because he would hit me back. I said to myself this isnt worth it, and ignored his negative comment.
This was accepting unacceptable behavior, or just accepting the fact that he is an *******, or avoiding conflict because I knew it would do me no good anyway??
I would much rather take the punches so to say, then have my daughter hear something like that. The person that was hurting was me, because I am the one that heard it, and then I am the one that let it go, because I didnt want it turn into more than one person being an *******.
He dont think what he said was abusive, I do. A little later on in the evening he started in on how she whimped out and how bad he feels for my daughter's friend and there parents, because they are such nice people, and he thinks my daughter should have stuck it out, because there daughter always goes on vacation with us, and she never goes home early. I told him if our daughter called and she said daddy please pick me up I am not feeling well, you would be there in a heartbeat. even if it was so much as I just want to come home because I am homesick, you would be there in a second and wouldnt care what other people thought. Then he goes into how our daughter is seven and she is sixteen. I told him if our daughter was 30 and she called you would do 90 to get to her.
I seen where that was going and just dropped it. I have accepted that I cant change his beer, I need to accept that I cant make him love my oldest daughter, and he is always going to be an ******* with her no matter what she does or doesnt do. It will never be okay!
This is something that I cant accept, because I love my daughter so much, I can not tolerate rude comments like this all the time. He uses her and my dog as his escape goat from himself, and if I fight back and that dont work, he says you are right its not them it you.
I am sick of excuses, and making up excuses, I am going to tell him as much. I am tired of being his punching bag, and then sewing up the holes when he was done.
It is really hard to be confident, with my answers and truthful. But I was lastnight, I told them, he wanted a beer and that is why he is acting the way he is.
I had questions at the wedding why he wasnt there. I had questions on my family vacation, why he wasnt sitting with the rest of us.
I think what bothers me the most, is that they look at me, like I can do something about it. The neighbors lastnight, Why isnt he coming in the pool with the rest of us?? Why is he so crabby?? What is wrong with him??
I just wanted to enjoy what I was doing, and I have enough answering for myself, I dont want to answer for him.
I think for now on, I am going to tell them without being rude, you need to ask him!!
Off Topic:
I came home from work yesterday, I got home late, because my oldest daughter called and wanted to come home. She was camping with a friend this week, she was suppose to make it through till Sunday, she called yesterday morning wanting to come home. Of course I was worried about what happened. Come to find out she was just miserable and wanted to come home.
My H didnt know I was so late, because he was sleeping, I came home 2 hours later than normal. The first thing he said when he opened his eyes.
Was I seeing a ghost, or am i having a F*****ng nightmare. I knew what he was saying, and I was thankful my daughter was in her room on the next floor. I wanted to jump him and beat the **** out of him. My daughter wasnt home for three days and the first thing he says to me was something negative. I would never actually hit him, because he would hit me back. I said to myself this isnt worth it, and ignored his negative comment.
This was accepting unacceptable behavior, or just accepting the fact that he is an *******, or avoiding conflict because I knew it would do me no good anyway??
I would much rather take the punches so to say, then have my daughter hear something like that. The person that was hurting was me, because I am the one that heard it, and then I am the one that let it go, because I didnt want it turn into more than one person being an *******.
He dont think what he said was abusive, I do. A little later on in the evening he started in on how she whimped out and how bad he feels for my daughter's friend and there parents, because they are such nice people, and he thinks my daughter should have stuck it out, because there daughter always goes on vacation with us, and she never goes home early. I told him if our daughter called and she said daddy please pick me up I am not feeling well, you would be there in a heartbeat. even if it was so much as I just want to come home because I am homesick, you would be there in a second and wouldnt care what other people thought. Then he goes into how our daughter is seven and she is sixteen. I told him if our daughter was 30 and she called you would do 90 to get to her.
I seen where that was going and just dropped it. I have accepted that I cant change his beer, I need to accept that I cant make him love my oldest daughter, and he is always going to be an ******* with her no matter what she does or doesnt do. It will never be okay!
This is something that I cant accept, because I love my daughter so much, I can not tolerate rude comments like this all the time. He uses her and my dog as his escape goat from himself, and if I fight back and that dont work, he says you are right its not them it you.
I am sick of excuses, and making up excuses, I am going to tell him as much. I am tired of being his punching bag, and then sewing up the holes when he was done.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((emily)))
I am praying that you can find the correct solution for your situation. Even if your daughter does not hear I am sure she still feels it and your youngest is being taught that she is better than someone else...
I am praying that you can find the correct solution for your situation. Even if your daughter does not hear I am sure she still feels it and your youngest is being taught that she is better than someone else...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
yep - if they really want to know they can ask him - you are not his keeper.
as for your daughter - splendra's right - attitude, body language - kids are very intuitive and don't have to "see/hear" to "know".''
take care!
as for your daughter - splendra's right - attitude, body language - kids are very intuitive and don't have to "see/hear" to "know".''
take care!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Today is a new day with endless possibilities. Want something badly enough? We gotta go out there and get it and nobody has the power to stop us.
Take your sweetheart daughter out and go shopping. Spend some good Mom-daughter time together. She needs a break like you do.
You sound like an excellent, loving mom! Good for you. Your daughter is very blessed and so are you for having each other in your lives.
((hugs))
Take your sweetheart daughter out and go shopping. Spend some good Mom-daughter time together. She needs a break like you do.
You sound like an excellent, loving mom! Good for you. Your daughter is very blessed and so are you for having each other in your lives.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
emily- you are right about people asking questions..Some people are just nosy..I get that a lot with this one certain couple that are both alcoholics and they just don't "get it" that my AH has a problem with alcohol..They will ask where he is..Just because it works for them drinking like they do, fine...My AH has a problem even though he doesn't drink daily like them, he still has a problem WHEN he drinks..I get so mad that people just "don't get it"...Good luck in dealing with people because I totally understand! hang in there! 
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
You are only responsible for you. You can't possibly know his every feeling, so I would suggest to the neighbors that they ask him why he is acting as he is. I know it is difficult to be living with somoene whose behaviour is questionable. You never know how much to say. I've found honesty the best answer so far.
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