Need some advice from "professionals"
Acting not reacting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Need some advice from "professionals"
I have been really distant and not responding to many posts when I visit here (which is not often anymore). I have really been trying to not remind myself of the disease my ex has. It hurts too much. I am so sorry.
Since he has moved out, I have not heard from him. I tried once when I called a friend of his once and was told he was not there. This was 2 weeks ago.
Got a call tonight from a friend of his from rehab who is very concerned about him, as he hasn't called since I kicked him out. She wants to go visit all of his old hangouts and old places of employment WITH ME, and find him, so WE can make sure he is safe and ok.
I do not want to do this. I have been trying so hard to dig out of this emotional depth of guilt and lonliness and I feel like if I spoke to him, I would undo everything I have done.
I am not strong enough to hear he is living on the street, drinking heavily, or depressed. I am scared I would take him back and I know that is not the best choice.
I need someone to tell me my feelings are right and this is no longer my job.
Thank you!
Sarah Elizabeth
Since he has moved out, I have not heard from him. I tried once when I called a friend of his once and was told he was not there. This was 2 weeks ago.
Got a call tonight from a friend of his from rehab who is very concerned about him, as he hasn't called since I kicked him out. She wants to go visit all of his old hangouts and old places of employment WITH ME, and find him, so WE can make sure he is safe and ok.
I do not want to do this. I have been trying so hard to dig out of this emotional depth of guilt and lonliness and I feel like if I spoke to him, I would undo everything I have done.
I am not strong enough to hear he is living on the street, drinking heavily, or depressed. I am scared I would take him back and I know that is not the best choice.
I need someone to tell me my feelings are right and this is no longer my job.
Thank you!
Sarah Elizabeth
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((Sarah Elizabeth)))
I can feel your pain in this post and I am sending you big hugs from over the Atlantic.
Let his friend be as codie as she wants - you don't have to be involved.
Don't be a stanger, hon. Sharing here might help you work through those feelings you have. Don't forget - most of us have been there too.
Love
Minnie
xxx
I can feel your pain in this post and I am sending you big hugs from over the Atlantic.
Let his friend be as codie as she wants - you don't have to be involved.
Don't be a stanger, hon. Sharing here might help you work through those feelings you have. Don't forget - most of us have been there too.
Love
Minnie
xxx
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Feelings are never wrong. They yours, feel them. You do not need others to "approve" of them. Feelings are feelings, your entitled to have them, whether any one else agrees with them or not.
If your asking if this idea is a good one. No. Doesnt mean your feelings are bad, wrong. Means you are following your intuition, when it doesnt feel right to do something, it just isnt right.
Follow your gut.
If your asking if this idea is a good one. No. Doesnt mean your feelings are bad, wrong. Means you are following your intuition, when it doesnt feel right to do something, it just isnt right.
Follow your gut.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Sarah Elizabeth....I've missed your posts. I agree with Friend of Bill. I have learned that my gut is my guiding light......Please continue to drop by SR we are all in this together.....Hugs to you.....
Love, Patty
Love, Patty
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
elizabeth,
Have you thought about getting some counseling for yourself (individual). It might help you. I notice you are in CO. I have been seeing a lady and she has been very good for me. If you would like her name I can give it to you.
It is not your job to take care of an adult. I think it is normal to be sad/depressed to hear if he were living on the streets, but maybe this is the rock bottom he needs to hit before he will get better.
Please don't feel guility for what you did. You did what you needed to do to help YOU. When you are with an alcoholic you forget to take care of you.
Have you thought about getting some counseling for yourself (individual). It might help you. I notice you are in CO. I have been seeing a lady and she has been very good for me. If you would like her name I can give it to you.
It is not your job to take care of an adult. I think it is normal to be sad/depressed to hear if he were living on the streets, but maybe this is the rock bottom he needs to hit before he will get better.
Please don't feel guility for what you did. You did what you needed to do to help YOU. When you are with an alcoholic you forget to take care of you.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I don't think it is only your feelings telling you not to go your logic and reasoning also seem to be in sync with your feelings which to me seems to be a very good thing and you just want to keep your behavior in line with every other part of your being...in others words your thoughts,feelings and behavior are matching up congrats on that one...stay strong...
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