atdawn

well, finally got the courage to get to a meeting , after months of meaning to do it...
not sure about the result - mostly women there, who either had left their As long ago, or were living with long time sober As.
Was hoping there would be some people out there leaving with their As, still in love, managing to be happy despite the problem... nope. I will try to go 6 times, as they recommand... maybe this meeting was not representative...
So from what I get now, the way I see things is: either the A gets help and becomes sober (at least tries), either he does not, and if by going to al-anon I have time to detach before he realises he needs to get help, then it's bye bye. I guesse I am over symplifying ?
Is going to Al-anon the slow but inevitable path to separation (meaning in a few months/years time I will have learned enough to get the couraget to get out). I just find it hard to give up the hope that he will make the right decision in time...
sigh... oh well, sorry for rambling...

FriendofBill

Instead of waiting for him to make the "right" decision, you could make the right decision for YOU and seek continued recovery. Myhappiness ought never relie on someone else doing anything. I am responsible for being happy today.

Al-anon, therapy when needed and a higher power have brought me that happiness and the tools to hold on to it today.

Live in the now, not the "someday" and you may find happiness right here and now.

nocellphone

Way to go!!!

...and that's why the suggestion is to try at least six...

Methinks perhaps you are.

For me, Al-Anon has been the slow but inevitable path to self-awareness, increased self-esteem, and to the "priceless gift of serenity, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not". I haven't had to necessarily dissolve my relationships with my alcoholic loved ones (though in some cases this was necessary), but if I want to maintain my sanity and serenity within those relationships, my recovery in Al-Anon is absolutely essential.

Keep attending meetings and try not to figure out the endgame when you're only just beginning. Try to keep your head where your feet are. Life's much more pleasant that way!

cwohio

nocellphone really captured it in a nutshell. al-anon is not a program that will "tell" you what to do about an A. it's really a program about you and how lots of us in that type of relationship have developed coping skills, behaviors that allow us to continue the cycle in our lives. read more posts on the site and you will see that many still live with their A's and attend al-anon.

hugs- christie

atdawn

thanks for your words ... need to try to stop this mind of mine shooting off in all direction and focus on the present, 1 small step at a time...