sketscher

I am killing time right now while ABF sobers up enough to drive his car. Am I rescuing him? He wants a ride and got a little angry or at least suprised that I refused at this. He was so drunk when he called that he couldn't even tell me what was wrong. Only that I should come over. I did only to open the door on his head! He woke up enough to talk. First he told me his car was outside. No I insisted. It is not. Finally he told me he got a ride from someone. Then as he stumbled around he kept saying he needed to get his car. I told him I'd be happy (lie) to give him a ride but LATER. The I explained I was leaving to go to the drug store and I'd be back. He made motions that he ws coming with me. Some how I stayed calm and smiled and said I'll be back soon. I managed to get out with out him forcing his way along. I was surprised at that. I kind of dread going back there. But I said I would. Am I wrong to do this? I know it's enabling. Heck I am not even sure if he really knows where his car is. When he first called he said he was in trouble and mumbled something about his car. I thought maybe he crashed it. So ladies give me some words of wisdom. Probably by the time anyone reads this I'll have gone back to his place. What is the difference between a favor and enabling. I am giving him credit after all for not drining in the first place. And myself for not initially giving him the op to do it right now.

Savana 54

Maybe suggest him calling a Taxi? I don't think I would feel very good about the idea of giving someone drunk, a ride to their own car, so they could then drive drunk, and possibly kill some innocent person that got in their way.

If it was me I wouldn't give him a ride, not until he was totally sober.

FriendofBill

fa·vor - A gracious, friendly, or obliging act that is freely granted: do someone a favor.


Enabling - en·a·ble - To supply with the means, knowledge, or opportunity; make able: To make feasible or possible: funds that will enable construction of new schools.

BUT...when it comes to alcoholism, doing a "favor" may be denying the person to be responsible for thier own actions.

He chose to drink, he chose the consequence.

sketscher

You both know I knew the answers to the questions posed! THANK YOU for your responses. I would not have felt at all good about giving him a ride and you know what! I went back and he was passed out! Some up there must be watching out for me. So know he'll face the consquences when he is sober nd not put ANYONE in danger. Likey he'll not remember the events. If he does and he is angry that I did not give him a ride when he asked, Oh well, I'll not let is show that it bothers me. I'll not let him put his stupid actions on my shoulders. Right!? I'm working on the detaching. It's sorta like slowly pulling off a band-aid. But I am sure underneath there is a healing wound.

GettingBy

I'm sure my input is late, but your question reminded me quite a bit of the things my husband has tried to pull on me. He used to get blind drunk and drive all over before we were married. When we bought the house and got married, I told him enough of the drunk driving and other irresponsible behavior (LOL! I actually thought that was enough to get him to "grow up"!). Well, he didn't stop drinking and going out, but then he started leaving his truck places and hitching rides with OTHER DRUNKS! Nice, I know, but in his mind that was better b/c he wouldn't get a DWI (he didn't even think about the possibility of a serious accident). ANYWAYS....

The next morning whenever he would sober up, he'd ask me, "Can you take me to get my truck?" I refused. To me that was saying, "It's okay that you chose to get so drunk you couldn't drive and instead you chose to ride home with another drunk driver." Fact is, it's not okay behavior and I feel it's irresponsible. He got really pissed the first few times, but then he figured out it was useless and found some friends that would bail him out.

He still drinks & drives from time to time, and he hitches rides with other drunks, and sometimes he's even smart enough to call "I'm Smart", which is a service here in NY where they drive you AND your car home if you've had too much too drink. Costs about the same as a taxi so there's no excuse not to use it. Either way, I've detached myself from him and what he does while he's out by himself. How he choses to get around whether it's to drive drunk, ride with a drunk, or be responsible and call a cab... none of it is my business!

If I'm with him however, then it is my responsibility to make sure I have a safe ride home... and I trust no one but myself to take care of that.

I hope that you can figure out a way to handle it that works for YOU! It takes time, and it takes one step at a time, so be patient.

:-) Shannon