lillian

i wish there was a quick fix for forgetting people--he said it's over,he doesn't have any feelings that would make him want to fix anything-- for me, it seems out of the blue- and i wonder, what did i do? what didn't i do? how long did he feel this way? why didn't he tell me earlier? does the fact that the girl he left me for dumped him mean he'll want me back? if yes, i shouldn't take him back, if no, i will be sad too-- i sure wish i didn't care-- i mean, he doesn't--8 years and poof-- it's all irritation and bad memories for him. i mean i have lots of bad memories i guess--but good ones too- and i really loved him and thought he felt the same and would always be there-i just feel stunned. i've already posted about this-i need a record i can play when i get like this. it's going to take time to find my new happiness/to forget him- i wish it were instant! i hate that he wanted and did leave me-- i feel like such an idiot.

Savana 54

(((((((((lillian))))))))

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't do anything wrong, he's the one with the drinking problems. Alcoholics change their mind at the drop of a hat. Inside they truly don't know what they want. The only thing they do know is that they want to keep drinking.

Him breaking up with you has nothing to do with you or the way you treated him, he's just very, very sick! His thinking is twisted and will never make any sense as long as he keeps on drinking.

Why would you want someone back that treated you this way? This is were you need to work on what YOU want out of life and AlAnon is a good place to start. You need to take care of yourself..nevermind his screwed up life. You do deserve better, and to be loved the way that he will never be able to love you.

My xabf left two days after he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he wanted to get married and have kids. He told me I was all that mattered to him (besides the booze). Then out of no where he gets a new job offer and immediatley decides to take it; only to justify his actions by saying he would never make a good Father since his Father is a drunk and never was there for him.I know why he left, it's so he can use his "woes me" attitude to justify his drinking. Besides he wants to be far away from me so he can do as he pleases without having to answer to me...ie gambling and drinking, drugging. Just a bunch of excuses and drunk talk.

Each day you will grow stronger. Please be gentle with yourself now. Have you attended any AlAnon meetings? They are a great source of support.

Take care and we are all here for you if you need to vent!

walkingtheline

If I remember correctly he's a newly sober A. Had a girlfriend. Lost his job.

To quote one of my favorite movies...He doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his #ss!

Focus on YOU! Go to Al-anon. Read Read and Read some more!

Need a song?

I Will Survive
At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking I could never live without you
By my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you've done me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to get along

And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you
Here without that look upon your face

I should have changed my f*ckin' lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I had had know for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Well now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around
Now, you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumple?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh not I,
I will survive
Yeah
As Long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive,
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry,
But now I hold my head up high

And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person
Still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone whose lovin' me

Well now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around
Now, you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumple?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh not I,
I will survive
Yeah
As long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive,
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

Oh no

Savana 54

Opps my bad on the newly sober A. Is he working a program?

seaRching4peace

Hey there lillian,

Yes, these feelings we get are a pain, aren't they... I think about the times where i felt those horrible feelings and the times I felt euphoric and it seems the only difference between the two was what i was feeling inside. I mean, same roof over my head, same kittie purring next to me, same necessities and even luxories, and yet there is those horrible feelings that seem to control everything...why can't I just turn them off?

for me its been about 12 days since I broke it off with me. In some ways he's made it a little easier for me by refusing any contact with me. I shamefully tried to contact him last night and i felt like an idiot after i did. oh well. I'm still trying to get over him myself... why do i need to think about him so much? Why can't I remind myself is that there were a zillion things that were not right with our relationship (today I used dryer sheets when drying my chothes...he hated it when I used dryer sheets...he couldnt stand the smell...ha!)? So instead I obsess... blah...

Hopefully it will get easier for you with time. Take care of yourself ...

Cynay

I totally know about obsessing ... woohoo its my speciality

It has been 7 months since he asked me to leave, 3 months since any kind of relationship and almost 3 weeks of no contact. I still have issues and vent all the time to my sponsor about them.

BUT life is better without him in it, sometimes when Im honest I have to admit that my ego is wounded and that is the majority of my problem.... because I cant possibly think of a reason I would want someone in my life that cheats, lies, hurts, is sick and changes his mind every 24 hours ... if I wanted that I would be insane right??? Well insane or not, love is a deep emotion and it takes time to heal. Give yourself time sweets and stick to the NO CONTACT. It will get better *hugs*