Savana 54

It's funny how each day brings a new set of entirely different emotions.

Today as well as yesterday, I'm builiding up a lot of hatred towards my XAbf. I'm sure this is all normal. But I don't even feel anything right now for him except utter disgust and HATE!!

I know we are supposed to pray for forgiveness and pray for them; but I don't want to and can't. I hope I never see him again ever!!! I hope he falls off the face of the earth.

I'm disgusted by the thoughts of ever loving this man, the thought of him touching me makes me want to throw up. The thought of him living here in this house makes me want to literally remove myself from this house forever. Any and every thought of him I find repulsive. I want to break and destroy all his belongings that he has left behind. I just want to hurt him the way that he has hurt me.

I know I'm so wrong in my thinking, but this is how I feel today. I don't want to pray to my HP for this hate to go away and for him to be alright. I feel its a waste of my time. I guess I'm not the loving, gentle person everyone thinks that I am.

Really, I'm not a psycho, I'm just hurt...

Sapphoness

A person can only take so much, that doesn't diminish who you are, but this person has effected your life greatly. Not an easy task to release these feelings of anger. I am still working on mine. I have felt all those things too, I do not feel guilty for those feelings, I was bought to them. But, you know I should never have wasted all that negative energy on anger towards him because in the state he was in he didn't care. But, you need to vent, you need to be heard for the hurt you feel. You should be afforded that right and it will help you get past those feelings. I don't think you are a psycho, you are just a normal person reacting in a normal way. All the power to you, you do things at the speed at which you feel comfortable, it's your life. Just don't let the anger consume you and dictate your future. I am sorry for your hurt and I hope it gets better for you.

gelfling

Dear Sav,

What you're going through is really normal. With time, you will learn to look at him with pity instead of hate. But remember, as long as you walk around with the attitude you have, it's going to keep you down.

Each time you find yourself thinking the worse, say a prayer for him and yourself. It's going to be tough, but you can do it. I don't want to see you having to go around carrying all of the hate you're feeling.

Blessings

Savana 54

Thanks for the insight gefling and Sapphones...

Its just so, so very hard.

meli2005

living wiht an addicted person is very hurtful. You can only take so much abuse. It is normal to feel anger toward someone who hurt you so much and took away all your dreams. VERY NORMAL. Sometimes anger is a good motivator in life to do better/bigger things.

Beautiful

And to be pis*sed off is completely normal. In fact, you're entitled to it. When you've had enough pis*ed off feelings, make lemons into lemonade.

Better to be pis*ed off than to be pis*ed on -- and lemonade makes great pi*s to shower those who deserve it.