Raging mothers
brightlight
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Detachment
Posts: 201
Raging mothers
Can somebody lead me to the thread about the raging mothers? I am not as bad as I used to be. I only had one slip in about 2 months. 
There is something to this raging mother thing. My husband blames his mother for a lot of their problems. He said it was her fault his dad drank and she is the one that caused all the trouble. His dad just drank, but she pushed him to far and he used to beat her up, which he says is wrong and would never do that, but he likes to say all women are the same, so when I yell then I am just like his mother.
There is something to this raging mother thing. My husband blames his mother for a lot of their problems. He said it was her fault his dad drank and she is the one that caused all the trouble. His dad just drank, but she pushed him to far and he used to beat her up, which he says is wrong and would never do that, but he likes to say all women are the same, so when I yell then I am just like his mother.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Sounds like an excuse to drink to me. I used to yell at my AH all the time. But I realized all that did was make things much worse. When we had our first child, is when I decided my son was not going to see his daddy act like an @$$. So I started ignoring his ranting. He drank at night and it was usually time for me to get to bed so it made it easier. I would lay in bed and pretend he was sleeping anytime I saw the "look" in his eyes.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
I am a former raging mother.
I realized that by raging...I was...
1. Wasting my energy
2. Filling my house with loud noise
3. Giving my husband a target
4. Taking the focus off of him and putting it onto me
5. Making myself feel out of control and insane
6. Making no difference in my life
7. Creating 2 unwell people in my home.
I learned several years ago that in order to live with an active alcholic...
I had to lose the rage.
I had to lose that "But he shoud...."
I had to lose the idea that ANYTHING that I do will change him.
I had to lose the presumption that I knew what was going on in his head
I had to lose the thought that the lecture made any difference
I had to lose the dream that I was married to a rational person.
I learned my lesson and I learned it very well. I was SOOO good at living with a drunk. My children were happy, I was happy, my husband was drunk and not creating any chaos.
Then I forgot how to do it. I started to see myself sinking into poverty, and abuse and homelessness and bankrupcy and shame. I HAD to make a change.
I started to do it the right way. I set some boundaries that I though I could keep.
I quickly learned that I could not keep them.
I struggled for many months...see my pasts posts for documentation of this.
A few weeks ago I LET GO.
I let go of the idea that I needed to leave. I let go of the idea that my family had to end as I know it.
I remembered that I KNOW how to do this. I do it well.
I know how to be peaceful and loving. I know how to be me.
I am not a raging person. And the rage that I was bringing into my home was more detremental than any other factor in my family dynamic, for the single reason that I CAN control it.
I can't control my husband. I can't control his choice. I also realize that I can't YET leave. So, I must control myself. And my choices and my rage. By knowing that it makes no difference, I can make it go away. It is easy.
I am a peaceful mother. I am peaceful person. I am the pulse of my family...and we not raging.
Jenny
I realized that by raging...I was...
1. Wasting my energy
2. Filling my house with loud noise
3. Giving my husband a target
4. Taking the focus off of him and putting it onto me
5. Making myself feel out of control and insane
6. Making no difference in my life
7. Creating 2 unwell people in my home.
I learned several years ago that in order to live with an active alcholic...
I had to lose the rage.
I had to lose that "But he shoud...."
I had to lose the idea that ANYTHING that I do will change him.
I had to lose the presumption that I knew what was going on in his head
I had to lose the thought that the lecture made any difference
I had to lose the dream that I was married to a rational person.
I learned my lesson and I learned it very well. I was SOOO good at living with a drunk. My children were happy, I was happy, my husband was drunk and not creating any chaos.
Then I forgot how to do it. I started to see myself sinking into poverty, and abuse and homelessness and bankrupcy and shame. I HAD to make a change.
I started to do it the right way. I set some boundaries that I though I could keep.
I quickly learned that I could not keep them.
I struggled for many months...see my pasts posts for documentation of this.
A few weeks ago I LET GO.
I let go of the idea that I needed to leave. I let go of the idea that my family had to end as I know it.
I remembered that I KNOW how to do this. I do it well.
I know how to be peaceful and loving. I know how to be me.
I am not a raging person. And the rage that I was bringing into my home was more detremental than any other factor in my family dynamic, for the single reason that I CAN control it.
I can't control my husband. I can't control his choice. I also realize that I can't YET leave. So, I must control myself. And my choices and my rage. By knowing that it makes no difference, I can make it go away. It is easy.
I am a peaceful mother. I am peaceful person. I am the pulse of my family...and we not raging.
Jenny
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 193
Originally Posted by JennyK
I am not a raging person. And the rage that I was bringing into my home was more detremental than any other factor in my family dynamic, for the single reason that I CAN control it.
Very timely post!
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