Morning Glory

My son was gone for a day obsessed with finding his girlfriend. She brought him home and he has been drinking. She is having a hard time getting away. He wants her to stay. I must say I'm a little nervous.

I am going to ignore him and hope he goes right to sleep. I will figure out what to do tomorrow.

I need to go out and check on her. Wish me luck.

Hugs,
MG

Morning Glory

Ok, she is gone and it's ok.

He is in total denial about this relationship. He's addicted to her and she avoids him, but won't let him go. He chases and she runs. I wish she would just leave him and get it over with so he can go on. This threatens his recovery so much. I told him he needed to start his meetings again tomorrow. I will put my foot down about that or ask him to leave. I don't like being afraid of him and I will not go through that.

I am so tired of all this. Really tired. It is going to take him time to come out of all this denial. I've been where he is and it took me so much time.

Hugs,
MG

Josie

M.G., I missed this-I had a hard time
logging on to the boards tonight.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. But you did the right thing by
not participating. Hold your ground,
thank God you know what to do.

(((HUGS)))

JT

MG,

You said you saw this coming and you were right. My son and the GS's mother has a relationship like that. But I believed they loved each other. She loved what he could be, not what he was. And he loved her in a very dependent way. Like you said...addictedto her. I am sure that is why he is not in recovery now. She isn't around to do it for.

I have been afraid of the Beav and I hate it. He can be like a loose cannon when he drinks. Or when he is hung over so you be careful when you time your ultimatum and as you know so well be sure you can back it up. You may even do what you recommend to so many others. Stash your keys and be ready to bolt if you need to. I ran once to a neigbors and called the police from there. Why should I be out and him in??? But I could have done the same from a pay phone. I didn't have a cell then. All they did was make him get some things and leave and promise to stay away for 48 hours (cool off period).

I love you MG...be careful.

JT

Ann

Hi MG

I am glad he is safe and home again, and sorry you are going through this pain.

Your judgement is pretty sound...just keep yourself safe and do whatever is right for you. I agree that he should stay away from this relationship, but we can't be their prison wardens. Strict boundaries would not be out of line here.

Take care of yourself, emotionally and physically and trust your own judgement.

We love you and care...so keep us posted and feel free to vent here just to keep the pressure down.

******{MG}}}}}

bonbon

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((mg)))))))))))))))))))) ))))))

Paulie

MG -

I also want to send you a hug (((MG))).

I know it is easy for me to say - but you are right, you do have to up your foot down. He works on his recovery or he can't live there. Sounds so harsh, but as you know you are not helping him the other way.

You are such a strong brave woman and and you know the right thing to do.

Saying he is addicted to his girlfriend is putting absolutely right. I had this boyfriend once (we were both using like crazy) and he treated me so bad. I man emotionally, physically you name it - but I thought I would die without him. I am embarrassed to say that to all of you, but it is true. So let me just say, been there, done that and got the T-shirt to prove it!!!

This too comes from self esteem issues, we look for someone else to make us whole. And I felt like crap for evrything I was doing using, lying, stealing from my family, etc. that somewhere inside I thought I deserved to be treated badly like that. I think that is what your son is doing.

We all know he needs to fill that whole in him with recovery and with a realtionship with God. I pray that he continues to work on that MG. Be strong MG - and you do not have to live in fear. Make a plan like JT suggested - you come first. As I have said before, I wish my mother would have gotten support from people like you and taken my s*** for so long. but that does not matter, today is what matters.

Morning Glory

Thanks everyone,

Things are stable today. He is going to get back into meetings. He recognizes his dependency on his girlfriend which is a step forward for him, but he still thinks if he changes she will be there for him. I tried to point out to him that it is not all his fault and that she does not have the type of personality to be there for him. He could not hear that yet. He will never be able to stay sober until he deals with these issues.

It's not over yet. He is going to have to hit a love addiction bottom. I've hit that bottom myself and that's a tough one.

I'm getting back to my life today.

Hugs,
MG

Josie

M.G.,
You are so right, and so many issues
on top of the addiction. My kids have
the same love addiction, and ol' Mom
has been there too. It's their battle,
we can put in our two cents and go on.
I'm glad it worked out, and he is back
in meetings.

Hugs,