Hi Again... missed u guys
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Again... missed u guys
Hi all,
It's been a good few weeks since I have posted here... and it's not that I didn't want to. I guess sometimes u get all high and mighty like "I can do this on my own!". But all the while, the wisdom of alanon pokes me in the side and nags at me at every turn. Guess I can't ignore it and push it under the rug anymore - I've learned too much. I suppose that is similar to what they say about A's who have experienced the AA 12 steps... drinking is never the "same" again.
Well, my hubby has retuened from the treatment centre he was at for 28 days. He is feeling very strong, and has come out of it all with a new found respect for his disease. He has begun to heal many wounds in his soul, and is searching out the means of loving himself again; life can seem pretty scary when all your defenses are down. I have done a bit of work on myself as well, and truly enjoyed the time to myself while he was gone. I have this sense of urgency now however, to get back into my recovery... almost like I need to not get too comfortable with how things are now. I often get very worried about how I might deal with if and when he decides to drink again. I KNOW better than to dwell on it, I KNOW better than to try to control it... I just worry. I worry about getting hurt again - like so many times before. Right now, because I am working on MYSELF, I am learning about how closed off I have had to become in order to protect myself from the effects of his disease. Right now I am completely OPEN to him, to the world - and it is feeling great. I feel like I can find enjoyment in the smallest things, and am truly beginning to LOVE life. But it leaves me very vulnerable - I am SCARED...
Would love to hear from all of you again... miss u
Meg
It's been a good few weeks since I have posted here... and it's not that I didn't want to. I guess sometimes u get all high and mighty like "I can do this on my own!". But all the while, the wisdom of alanon pokes me in the side and nags at me at every turn. Guess I can't ignore it and push it under the rug anymore - I've learned too much. I suppose that is similar to what they say about A's who have experienced the AA 12 steps... drinking is never the "same" again.
Well, my hubby has retuened from the treatment centre he was at for 28 days. He is feeling very strong, and has come out of it all with a new found respect for his disease. He has begun to heal many wounds in his soul, and is searching out the means of loving himself again; life can seem pretty scary when all your defenses are down. I have done a bit of work on myself as well, and truly enjoyed the time to myself while he was gone. I have this sense of urgency now however, to get back into my recovery... almost like I need to not get too comfortable with how things are now. I often get very worried about how I might deal with if and when he decides to drink again. I KNOW better than to dwell on it, I KNOW better than to try to control it... I just worry. I worry about getting hurt again - like so many times before. Right now, because I am working on MYSELF, I am learning about how closed off I have had to become in order to protect myself from the effects of his disease. Right now I am completely OPEN to him, to the world - and it is feeling great. I feel like I can find enjoyment in the smallest things, and am truly beginning to LOVE life. But it leaves me very vulnerable - I am SCARED...
Would love to hear from all of you again... miss u
Meg
Guest
Posts: n/a
Meg,
I think we all have times of fear. I'm going through one myself. You are taking a risk right now. Risking is frightening. Read about your boundaries and keep them in place and you will be fine. You will be able to handle whatever happens. Don't let the fear rob you of the enjoyment you have now. Try to plan your reactions to situations that might arise. Being prepared will calm your fears.
I'm happy things are going well.
Hugs,
MG
I think we all have times of fear. I'm going through one myself. You are taking a risk right now. Risking is frightening. Read about your boundaries and keep them in place and you will be fine. You will be able to handle whatever happens. Don't let the fear rob you of the enjoyment you have now. Try to plan your reactions to situations that might arise. Being prepared will calm your fears.
I'm happy things are going well.
Hugs,
MG
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Welcome back Meg!
I think its important that you concentrate on your recovery now more than ever. Whether he drinks again or not is totally out of your control, but you can set firm boundaries and take care of yourself. At times like this, when things are raw and real, I try to double up on my meetings and my readings!
Do something extra special for yourself today!
Hugs
Osier59
I think its important that you concentrate on your recovery now more than ever. Whether he drinks again or not is totally out of your control, but you can set firm boundaries and take care of yourself. At times like this, when things are raw and real, I try to double up on my meetings and my readings!
Do something extra special for yourself today!
Hugs
Osier59
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
******{Meg}}}}}
I know the fear of getting to comfortable but it sure it a great feeling when things are going so well. You can be supportive of your husband and still focus on yourself. You are number one!!
Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
I know the fear of getting to comfortable but it sure it a great feeling when things are going so well. You can be supportive of your husband and still focus on yourself. You are number one!!
Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Meg,
It has been awhile but I remember very clearly how I felt when I came back out of myself. I pulled in while I worked on recovery in the beginning and as I became more comfortable I allowed myself to come back out. I personally felt strong. I stayed holed up, I guess, until I did feel strong. I don't recall the fear of being hurt as much as the fear of me hurting them by acting in the ways I used to. That is how my program worked for me.
I have been hurt again...over and over...but it isn't as bad or scary as it was before I worked my program. I know there is an end and I know I have resources and tools to guide me to that end.
I felt the same joy in the small things that you do now, almost like you come alive for the first time in a very long time. Enjoy it...and if you feel an urgency to work your program that might just be your HP guiding you. Listen.
Hugs,
JT
It has been awhile but I remember very clearly how I felt when I came back out of myself. I pulled in while I worked on recovery in the beginning and as I became more comfortable I allowed myself to come back out. I personally felt strong. I stayed holed up, I guess, until I did feel strong. I don't recall the fear of being hurt as much as the fear of me hurting them by acting in the ways I used to. That is how my program worked for me.
I have been hurt again...over and over...but it isn't as bad or scary as it was before I worked my program. I know there is an end and I know I have resources and tools to guide me to that end.
I felt the same joy in the small things that you do now, almost like you come alive for the first time in a very long time. Enjoy it...and if you feel an urgency to work your program that might just be your HP guiding you. Listen.
Hugs,
JT
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